Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 20 March 2012

image for Miracle Toothpaste causes Doctor & Gambols shares to soar
A 10,000x magnification of quantum imps in a quantum imp bubble

the UK's leading toothpaste manufacturer has cracked the secret to the perfect toothpaste, causing their share value to rise.

"When we say miracle toothpaste, we mean it," said Doctor Gambol, the dentist responsible for the breakthrough.

The new toothpaste takes all the existing technology in the toothpaste market, merging it into one super toothpaste.

"You've got whitening toothpaste, enamel building toothpaste, anti-plaque toothpaste and sensitive toothpaste," said Gambol. "The market place is very confusing at the moment."

By clever use of nano-particles, the combination toothpaste applies whitening to the face of the teeth only, as this is the only place it is needed. The anti-plaque is applied mainly to the backs of teeth and the gum line, where plaque build up the major concern.

"It is important to separate out these two aspects of any toothpaste," said Gambol. "Having them globally applied can cause weakening of teeth in crucial areas."

The enamel is rebuilt on the caps of teeth, exactly where it is needed, whilst the sensitive formulation is applies everywhere.

The technology behind how the toothpaste was a closely guarded secret, but a recent patent application indicates that it works by employing quantum imps. The quantum imps are a relative of the tooth fairy and are imported from Thailand, the only country to rear quantum imps. Overnight, this has improved the economy of Thailand.

Hang Em Hi, the minister for foreign trade in Thailand has admitted that Doctor and Gambol have become the major purchaser of the quantum imps.

"Until Doctor and Gambol came along," said Hi, "we did not know what we could use these imps for. We'd been using them for assisting in sex change operations. This new lease of life for them is more profitable for Thailand."

Doctor and Gambols commercial toothpaste rivals have begun a smear campaign, claiming that quantum imps can escape from the mouth and cause unwanted gender reassignment.

"This is most definitely untrue," said Gambol. "All our quantum imps are kept in bubbles, and cannot escape."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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