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Topics: School, feral hogs

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

image for Macon Bacon attacked by fundamentalist pastor. Called "Obscene"
The first stage of Macon Bacon too rough for nine year olds

MACON GA (ABSNN)-The Georgia farm of Devin and Maryellen Manners has been in the Devin Family since 1847. It produces crops and livestock, but is mainly a pig farm. For nearly 50 years Devin and his wife and four sons, Donald, Theodore, Roger and Frank have consistently provided the southeast with premium hams, sow belly, fat back, pickled pig knuckles, baby back ribs, pork roasts, pork chops and the very best bacon on the market called Macon Bacon. Manners Farms products are sold in every food market in the state of Georgia. Business has always been very good even during periodic recessions.

The Manners Farms Meat Packing House has entertained more than 100 thousand school children who tour its spotlessly clean facilities and see how meat is cut, how sausages and hot dogs are made, and they even get a chance to sample the product at outside tables spread with ham, hot dogs and Bacon-Lettuce-and-Tomato sandwiches. The children have a wonderful time; they learn about where there food comes from and how it is made, with the exception of the actual slaughtering of the hogs,

It was during one such school visit last week that five nine-year-old children from deeply fundamentalist religious backgrounds found themselves lost from their group, What they saw would nearly shut down Manners Farms.

"I, Melissa, Joanie and Bobby got lost and we ended up in the back of the place where all these pigs were fenced up," said Sadey Mae Glutz, the daughter of Romulo P. Glutz, pastor of the First Church of the Lord, Serpent Handlers.

This one big hog kept jumping up on top of smaller hogs and humping back and forth, back and forth," continued the pastor's daughter. "It must have hurt the smaller pigs because they squealed like they were in pain. Then the big pig would get down and find another smaller pig and start humping on her."

"It looked awful, I tell you," said Melissa Trukecjez. I went into the pen and took a stick and hit the mean pig. But he just kept hurting the smaller pig. Then he got down and started looking at Joanie who was bent over trying to tie her shoe. She just learned and it takes her awhile to get it right."

"That mean pig wiggled on over to where Joanie was bent over and it jumped up on her back and began humping on her. She was so light that the pig knocked her flat on the ground. It went one for like ten minutes while we yelled and screamed for help," said Bobby.

Their fourth grade teacher was coming around the side of the building to look for the lost children when she saw what was happening to Joanie. "I grabbed a two by four and went in and hit the boar over the back of his head. It didn't faze him. I yelled at the top of my voice for help while I kept beating the boar over the head," said Rhonda Cline.

"A worker came outside for a cigarette break and saw what was going on and he flew into the enclosure and drew back his leg and kicked the hog hard enough to get him off the little girl. Then I grabbed her up and told the rest of the children to run out of the pen as fast as they could go," Cline told reporters.

The child was not injured although she was frightened and covered in pig feces and semen.

The managers of the packing plant called an ambulance to take the frightened child to a nearby hospital where she was tranquilized and released to her parents.

Meanwhile, having heard of the pig rutting on one of his parishioner's children, Pastor Glutz demanded the establishment be closed permanently.

"Why were Macon school children allowed in that place? Not only is the name of their bacon obscene (It's called Macon Bacon), but they allow nine-year-olds to see fornication in progress! "What were the owners of this place doing? Somebody tell me," demanded the preacher.

"Ah well, actually, pastor, the hogs were making bacon."

"They were fornicating in front of children," Glutz shouted.

"I'm not at all certain that hogs fornicate, preacher; they were just doing what comes naturally. Here, take this sugar cured ham and some pig knuckles home with you, our treat."

Macon Bacon has four more school tours this week and has no plans to stop them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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