Written by IainB
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Friday, 16 March 2012

image for iPad3 delivery schedule delayed
Another iPad3 Delivery (please imagine the soundtrack as we cannot serve WAV files)

The iPad3 from Apple is being delivered to millions of eager customers over the next few days, but Apple have announced that there will be delays that will leave hundred of thousands of eager early adopters dripping tears onto their iPad2s.

"It's not an issue with the number of iPad3s available," said Apple Delivery co-ordinator, Delroy Livery. "It's getting Jean Michel Jarre's time and we're running out of dry ice."

Each delivery of an iPad3 is accompanied by a Jean Michel Jarre light show, Emerson Lake and Palmer soundtrack and copious quantities of dry ice. It is amid the laser show and pounding beat that the iPad3 delivery person emerges from the dry ice clutching the gold-plated box containing the Apple iPad3.

"We've tried substituting heavy smokers for the dry ice," said Livery. "Unfortunately, smoking regulations in most countries forbids this approach, although we are allowed to use it in China. We've also tried substituting Busted and the Wanted for Jean Michel Jarre, but they are just not the same."

For this reason, many of the iPad3s will be delayed in their delivery to the customers, although Apple claim that they are working through the backlog as quickly as possible.

"We're using an app on the iPhone to organise the delivery schedule into the most efficient route possible, using iSalesmanProblem," said Livery. "This artificially intelligent app can minimise the distances between deliveries to ensure that nobody misses out."

For those lucky few who do get their iPad3 on time, then they can expect the convoy of articulated lorries to roll up at the delivery addresses, assuming they can find somewhere to park the three trucks and Jean Michel Jarre's personal limo. Tracking information is through the applelet iTracking, that gives real time satellite coverage of the truck convoy using Apple's orbital space platform. The convoy is visible from space.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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