Chairman, President, & CEO Daniel Delen of R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Company, today announced that his company will soon market an organic "green" cigarette.
The new smoke, called Lucky Green, is aimed at the discriminating health-conscious consumer who is willing to pay a bit more to insure that the products they buy are of only the purest and healthiest content.
The cigarettes will be packaged in a foliage-green color hard-pack in order to make it stand out among other selections in the retailer's rack. In another unprecedented move, the pack will break with tradition and contain one extra cigarette, twenty-one in all. Delen said the extra cubeb has a connotation of good luck, a dimension consistent with the product name and marketing goals.
Smokers will be able to choose between filtered and unfiltered Lucky Greens. The filters will also be composed of a natural, organic, recyclable product, but its composition is proprietary and therefore will not be revealed to the public. An unnamed spokesman for an investment firm that follows R J Reynolds speculates that the filter compound might somehow be tied to that company's first foray into the burgeoning whale oil industry.
Reynolds recently received a $800,000 grant from the Obama administration for research of new uses for whale oil and whale oil byproducts.
Delen said his company will insure that the President will never want for a free smoke again. In return for that gratuity, Mr. Obama has agreed to give exposure to the Lucky Greens he will keep on his person and on his Oval Office desk.