PALO ALTO-In what was intended as a neat way for friends and family to say their peace on the peace that another person said on an original post that may or may not be a mutual friend, Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg claims he had absolutely no idea the devastation he was about to unleash upon the world.
"The people asked for it," said Zuckerberg, "and unlike the dislike button, I gave it to them. I figured, 'What's the worst that could happen?'" That worst case scenario quickly became a reality as people began commenting on comments in endlessly addictive and infinitely repetitive branches which continued to dilute until the original messages were forgotten, and at least several minutes of scrolling away.
No more than twenty minutes after the update went live, Facebook users the world over were barraged with pointless critiques on comments that were themselves critiques on another comment, which could eventually be traced back to an obscure song lyric status in a never-ending spiral of inane jabbering.
One particularly nasty chain has been going nonstop for the past thirty-six hours, overwhelming poor college freshman Stephanie Danner with seemingly endless notifications. Stephanie says she isn't mad at Facebook per se, but rather it was her fault for "friending" all those idiot boys from across the hall after their "ice-breaking" activity last week.
As of press time, Facebook was scrambling to pump the brakes on yet another new update, which would allow users to "like" another person's '"like," which has been described by some beta users as "literally, hell on Earth."