Written by Gregamemnon
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Monday, 20 February 2012

CONCORD, NH-Findings from a recent poll taken by the University of New Hampshire show that 95% of Hotmail accounts were created as a result of people not wanting to register their good emails when prompted to do so by shady sites.

"Sure, I'll take that free offer, but you're still not getting my Gmail account," said Kent Forscyth, who didn't realize that the poll was strictly non-verbal. The site, which was once home to excited and poorly formatted letters between friends and loved ones, has now become a wasteland, where failed copywriters send their last shreds of dignity in sentence form to die.

The study also concluded that 68% of those with Hotmail accounts don't currently remember their passwords, and that 98% of those don't really give a flying fuck. Furthermore, 40% couldn't even recall their mother's maiden name or the name of their first pet. When asked to comment on the shockingly believable findings, Hotmail founder and former CEO Sabeer Bhatia began crying into his hands while muttering something about being a disappointment to his family.

Tech experts predict that the Hotmail we know and ignore will remain in operation until around 2020, when it is expected to buckle under the sheer weight of penis enlargement promotions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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