Written by D Agnew
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Topics: Health, Food, business

Monday, 30 January 2012

image for Snack box creator in shock outburst

The creator of healthy foods snack box has candidly spoken out about his multi million pound idea, with the shock revelation "Its just squirrel shit really"

The snack box guru was secretly taped at his luxury farmhouse in Suffolk. Thinking he was speaking to a poorly disguised Arab business man, who was in fact a poorly dressed spoof reporter, replete with comedy nose, he refers to his product as: not sugary enough; squirrel shit in a box; over priced peanuts.

Thinking he was having a brandy with a top Arab horse salesman, the creator started off slagging off his wife for taking out all the mini mars bars. "It's my idea really, but then the wife got on board and took out all the mini mars bars and quality street" he gushed to our undercover reporter.

"I was bored at work and I just fancied a fun size bounty and a bag of crisps, I thought: wouldn't it be amazing if you could have stodgy calorific snacks delivered to your desk, so you would not have to expend any energy going to Mr Singh's on the high street. So next thing I've got this jiffy bag full of crap left over for from Christmas on my desk. The whole office wanted one so that's how it started." Said Mr Mathews.

When pushed about his wives involvement his face clouds over.

"well as soon as her indoors saw what I was up to, she put the mockers right on it." he went on "out came all the black pudding and pasties and in goes all these weeds and saw dust, I mean have you ever had a bloody olive? Nearly had me gnashers out, bloody hard as a rock"

It wasn't long before our reporter was offered a line of what appeared to be pure sucrose "have some of that son" offered Mr Mathews at this point our reporter made his excuses and left.

The spoof will be handing over our damming dossier of evidence to Gillian McKeith

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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