Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 25 January 2012

image for Secret correspondence between Jobs and Gates
Steve Jobs's writing desk was highly incriminating.

Letters between Steve Jobs of Apple and Bill Gates have come to light that detail how the two hatched a plan to ensure that neither came under the gaze of the Federal Trade Commission in the USA.

"These letters show that Gates and Jobs worked in tandem to ensure that they appeared to be competitors," said FTC Bureau of Competition investigator Robert Hand. "In reality, together they built two massive empires whilst squeezing out the real competition."

The letters have come to be known as Gatesgate and show how Jobs agreed to take on the high-end personal computer market whilst Gates would concentrate on businesses and commerce.

"According to the letters," said Hand, "neither of the pair anticipated the internet. Difficult to believe now both have embraced it, but this has allowed Google to sneak up on the pair until it was too big to squash."

There are a whole group of emails and letters that show Gates's and Jobs's displeasure at missing a trick with Google, which rivals Microsoft and Apple in size.

"They discussed several ways of destroying Google, including a tactical nuclear strike," said Hand. "They discussed an attempted joint take over, and they discussed inviting Google to join the pair in controlling the future of computing."

Hand admits that it is not known whether Google did join Apple and Microsoft, as Gates retired and Jobs died, which caused the correspondence between them to dry up.

"The FTC have launched an investigation," said Hand. "Unfortunately, whenever we try and check anything, we just go round in circles. We think it might be the latest Windows update. Also, we seem completely unable to find anything incriminating on the internet. We get nothing in our search results about it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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