Written by IainB
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Friday, 13 January 2012

image for Sparks and Mensa reveal spring fashions
Make walking easier, and improve your calves

Sparks and Mensa, the clothing store for the highbrow high earners have revealed this year's spring fashions.

"We've taken the concept of spring," said head designer, Mark Spencer, "and incorporated it into our latest technological clothing."

For men there is the spring range of trousers, whilst women have a choice in the spring collection for trousers, skirts, dresses and hosiery.

"It's a fact of life that women have more clothes than men," said Spencer, so the spring collection will obviously be wider for women. When men start wearing skirts and shirts instead of shorts and shirts, then our range will increase."

The technological element of the clothing is in the springs it is made from.

"The clothing aids walking by assisting in the natural springs in the human body," said Spencer. "The trousers are counterbalanced in such a way that it is easy to throw a leg forward, building up stored energy. This is then released on the forward step."

Early tests with the new spring fashions (due for release in spring) have shown that the clothing range reduces the effort of walking by forty-nine percent. According to Spencer, further refinements may get this closer to the Holy of Grail of effortless walking.

"When walking requires no energy, I'm sure more people will go out for an evening stroll," said Spencer, "as recommended in the health guidelines for men and women of a certain age."

Individuals trying the clothing range report walking to be a breeze.

"It's like walking in clouds," said Kev Larvest, an early guinea pig for the clothing store. "Dreamlike and smooth."

Additionally, Larvest has found that it has helped with his exercise regime.

"I found," he said, "that if I put the trousers on backward, it makes walking extremely difficult. You should see the size of my calves now. They are massive, and I do mean massive, I could sell them at a farmer's auction now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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