Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: cake, Snacks, Twinkie

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

image for Hostess Twinkies to Be Stuffed With IOUs
Ding Dongs to follow the Twinkie in stuffing replacement

Falling victim to hard economic times, the snack cake maker will be cutting back some of its more costly ingredients in the classic Twinkie like the creamy filling, replacing it with rolled up paper IOUs, according to a company spokesman.

Struggling to keep the manufacturing plant doors open but knowing that they still have a dedicated consumer base, the company hopes that a direct paper marketing campaign asking consumers to buy stock, will help keep them afloat. "The classic Twinkie cake will always remain the same, but we're just temporarily changing the stuffing", says production manager Phil Upton. "Some cakes will carry rolled up IOUs, others will carry a joke of the day, and a few will contain requests to buy company stock".

"It's a new approach for appealing to the public", says industry analyst, Willy Eaton. "Keeping the company going by asking for new investors, and promising to return the pure awesomeness of the filling at a later date". Hostess division managers are apparently banking on consumers missing the filling and then taking some action to save the company.

Long thought to be the most expensive, even addicting part of the Twinkie, competitors have tried for years to crack the ingredient list. "Now, that's a secret", says Upton, who also defended the fact that the ingredients in the filling were mostly natural. "There's no truth to the rumor that the Twinkie filling has a shelf life of a hundred years. That's utterly ridiculous. 25 maybe. 30 tops".

Early feedback from the consuming public was mixed. Dedicated adult fans of the snack cake were supportive, though kids seemed less than thrilled. "I liked to suck out the filling with a straw", said one portly young fan. "It's no fun chewing on paper". Most reporters applauded the young lad's ability to get the paper through the straw.

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