Written by A Lias
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Topics: puzzle

Tuesday, 7 February 2006

image for Rubik's Cube Sued Over 'Sleepless Nights'
The offending cube that drove Mr Jones to insanity

It is a challenging, perplexing puzzle that has bamboozled many people worldwide. The concept is very simple; a cube split up into coloured squares, which can be moved around - but are hard to arrange that way afterwards. It is the Rubik's cube.

It has caused distress among some, but no-one has suffered as much as Mr Fred Jones. He claims the "devilishly fiendish cube" has caused him sleepless nights - and as a result he lost his wife. Fred has subsequently decided to sue the Rubik's company.

"Obviously the Rubik's people are to blame, not me." says Mr Jones. "Their puzzle drove me near to insanity, trying to figure out how to restore it to its original display. But I have not yet managed it. This seemingly innocent box has caused nothing but pain. It started as a fun thing - but it grew to an uncontrollable level. I could do nothing."

Mr Jones' obsession with the object and its resolution became apparent when he started "Cubing", the name given to a weekly event where enthusiasts of the Rubik's cube meet and share strategies on how to solve the puzzle. Mr Jones then went to "Speed Cubing", "One-handed Cubing" and various other Rubik's events, but still he could not solve the cube.

He even tried appealing to the Rubik's company for solutions, because none of those provided with the puzzle could help him. But Rubik's could not help. Mr Jones could not even peel off the stickers to cheat. He was desperate. And then his wife left him.

"Why did I leave him? That's easy." says Mr Jones' ex-wife Stephanie. "The damn cube! It became an obsession, as if he had to complete it - but he couldn't do it. I threw it in the bin, but he picked it back out. It was helpless."

Mr Jones realised he had to sue Rubik's. He phoned his lawyer, who believes "the case is solid and I would be shocked if Mr Jones didn't walk away with several thousand pounds in his back pocket". The case was put together, and Rubik's were left with a notice for Cheif Executive Gregory Smith to attend court.

Mr Jones presented a case branded "hopeless and pathetic" by Mr Smith. Rubik's are soon to give their evidence proving it was Mr Jones' ineptitude that made him unable to solve the puzzle, after the World Champion Cubist Jane White solved Mr Jones' puzzle in twenty minutes in front of the whole of the jury.

However, the case has been delayed with the court busy on another case regarding the 'racist' remarks made by Harry Williams, a teacher who wrote sums on a 'blackboard', which headteacher Richard Anderson insisted "could be deemed offensive to those of ethnic minority".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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