The high street store for the intelligentsia, Sparks and Mensa, are launching a new range of underwear for the economically minded executive: Business Briefs.
This new range of stylish undergarment comes in three varieties.
The lowest priced in the range are the three quarter length Executive Business Briefs, which are thermal controlled, silk-lined and designed to be comfortable through the longest of meetings.
"Where the busy executive is in meetings discussing the future direction of the company, the livelihoods of employees or even which flavour doughnut to try first, these Business Briefs will cater for most eventualities, and remain comfortable," said marketing director, Mark Spencer.
Coming in at the mid-price range are the Vice President Business Briefs, which offer the same functionality and comfort as the Executive, but have a secret hidden structure that presents a flattering body shape without any need to take time away from a hectic meeting schedule to visit the gym.
"We are expecting this range to be our biggest seller," said Spencer. "Part underwear, part lifestyle choice, these are killer briefs."
At the top end of the price bracket are the Presidential Business Briefs which provide all of the functionality, comfort and savoir fair of the Vice-President Business Briefs but contain silver anti-stain particles that deodorise, clean and cover even the slightest indiscretion.
"We know that the people in power don't get there by being nicey-nicey," said Spencer. "Our most powerful Business Briefs reflect this. No need to worry about the fling with the secretary leaving a tell-tale mark on the underwear, these briefs will clean themselves. Additionally, they contain a quick release flap for the ad hoc fumble in the board room."
According to Spencer, these aren't the only stains that these briefs can cater for.
"We know that in these times of turbulent economic swings that a meeting can quickly degenerate in such a way to leave even the most hardened executive crapping himself. Now there's no need to worry. Nobody will ever know."