Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 30 November 2011

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Left destitute after paying his step tax

BryanAir, the airline that gives you more for more, or less for less, depending on the starting point, is to introduce a step tax.

"The concept is very simple," said Ryan Heir, the chairman, spokesman and sometimes pilot of the low-cost, slow-coach airline. "Passengers will have to pay one pound for every step they take on route to joining the aircraft, and two pounds for every step they take while on the plane itself."

Heir explained that this was to cover the wear and tear of the carpet.

"Those carpets are bloody expensive," Heir said. "What with having the little BryanAir monogram engraved in them by Filipino sweatshop children. We need to recoup the cost of replacing them."

This new tax has led to passengers bounding as far as they can with each step as they join the craft and swinging off the overhead lockers once aboard to get to their seat.

"Fortunately," said one passenger, Olympic Athlete Darren Edwards, "I'm pretty good at the triple jump, so I only paid an additional twenty quid on top of the price of my ticket."

Air travel watchdog, OffAir, are looking into the fairness of the current tax which unfairly penalises people in wheelchairs.

"It turns out," said Philipa Orange, "that BryanAir calculate the cost of the wheelchair as being an infinite amount, due to the wheels constantly being in contact with the carpet. An infinite amount of money on top of the wheelchair assistance tax introduced last week means that many disabled people cannot travel on BryanAir and have to take other more expensive, but more direct, airlines."

"It's not my fault," said Heir. "The mathematics are pretty straightforward. We still want the money off that legless bloke too."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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