Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Twitter, drunk

Saturday, 26 November 2011

image for "Twitter is Over Capacity" Phrase Trademarked by Twitter Birdies
Little Twitter birdies are into BIG business!

Dissatisfied by the meager wages they receive for their services delivering tweets all around the world, Twitter birdies have become entrepreneurs and have trademarked their own version of the dreaded "over capacity" message sometimes displayed on the Twitter website. They are using it to label drunks.

Spoof reporter Gail Farrelly got involved in a little bird watching; and since she's an expert in bird talk, she interviewed several of the birdies this week and got the "skinny" about their new venture.

The birds said they've been appalled by the number of problems (drunk driving arrests and accidents, drunken brawls, etc.) caused by too much drinking, so they're selling their services to individuals who want to monitor the behavior of others. Big Brother lives! Spouses can check up on spouses, parents on children, parole officers on parolees, etc.

For their clients, the birdies keep track of who is drinking what. When they spot someone drunk, the birdies will immediately tweet to the world his or her name, condition, and location. Uh-oh.

And there's more. Using the old scarlet letter technique, the birdies will also brand the forehead of the drinker. So, for example, once John Jones gets drunk, he'll not only be the subject of a tweet; in addition, he'll soon find himself with an impossible-to-remove (for 24 hours) sticky label on his forehead: "JOHN JONES IS OVER CAPACITY."

When asked if they had concerns about possibly being sued, the birds just laughed. Then one of them said, "No prosecutor or lawyer would be fast enough to catch us; and those even thinking about causing trouble for us would be deterred by the fact that we have the power to quickly tweet their dirty linen to all and sundry."

A side benefit of the job, the birdies reported, is that they get to enjoy a few drinks while they're working.

Who says capitalism is for the birds?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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