Written by Ellie James
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Wednesday, 23 November 2011

image for Britons Not Pleased with New Note
If everyone used fish as currency, these things wouldn't happen.

Most Britons were agitated today as they learned that the Bank of England issued a new fifty-pound note. In the height of the worst recession in history the government decided that this would be a great idea to unify Britons and prepare for the 2012 Games this summer.

Governor Charlie McKnight stated that in preparation for the Games, The Bank of England made a unanimous decision to begin printing the new note in the colors of the London Games. Based on research from the University of Central Dorking, citizens seem more at ease and happier in the presence of the calming colors of aquamarine blue, kiwi, marmalade, and fuchsia.

Linda Stevenson, an office manager in the Bank of England refutes the reason for the color scheme for the new note in that she overheard Governor McKnight talking with his wife about his daughter's socks and these colors were the same colors of her favorite socks.

Danny (last name withheld by request) from Leeds has been camped out in solidarity with the Occupy Wall Street movement in front of St. Paul's Cathedral and is extremely upset. 'Well ah kent saay that I fancy the colors. I mean I'd have to be a bit of pansy t' like it much. Think of it?'

Kevin Simmons, also at the Occupy camp, is visiting from the United States said, 'Yo, like, what I don't get ...see....is why the money here weighs so much. That's some messed up shit you know what I'm sayin? Money shouldn't weigh so much. Plus, what's a note? See, where I live, ya know what I'm sayin', a note is like a note. Beeatch...it's something you write. Shit yo! It's all messed up mofo!'

Despite the anger the citizens of the United Kingdom feel, they are very relieved that the new note will feature the two men responsible for the steam engine, instead of the Olympic mascots that seemingly look like really happy penises.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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