Written by Inchcock
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Topics: Food, Nottingham, Eating

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

image for New Nottingham Restaurant hailed as 'innovative but suicidal' by the food press!
Prospective investors at the launch of Ivan's business

A made redundant 64 year-old local man, is to open a 'Olde World Specialist' restaurant in Nottingham.

Owner Ivor Deathwish, explained his thinking and plans to our Food reporter Ulrika Garlic.

"Well at first, I noticed the vast amount of bankrupt businesses in Nottingham were leaving so many empty retail units going spare, un at the same time, there wus no-end of food retailers abart, like Subway, KFC, Kebab, Indian, Greek, French, Pizza 'ouses, un vat." He coughed up some phlegm and continued.

"But I seen thut none of um were selling proper English food like wot we used to 'ave, un fort that I could make a fortune if I started selling stuff like, Beef dripping sandwiches, bread un butter puddin's, tripe un onions, minted mushy peas yer eat wiv a wooden fork, suet puddin', pigeon pie, pigs trotters, sterilised milk, sardines on toast, un vat!"

He coughed, passed wind and had a scratch of his impetigo spots, then continued; "I fort I might charge 1950's prices for a bit to get um comin' in to start wiv you know."

Well good luck Ivor!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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