Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Microsoft, Fire

Tuesday, 24 January 2006

image for Microsoft Buys Ford, Google buys Microsoft

(CNN BREAKING) In a seriously unlikely series of historic rapid-fire Lemony-Snicket events Ford's CEO yesterday announced massive layoffs resulting 90 minutes later in Microsoft purchasing the entire troubled auto manufacturer itself then, 14 minutes later GOOGLE making Microsoft an offer to buy the WHOLE ball of wax for 980 Billion. Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft says that Google made him an offer his Blackberry could not refuse so now, Google owns everything, "All that is".

Apparently, according to CNN exit polls, many CNN viewers are concerned that Google owns "all that is" .. in this universe. Physicist Stephen Hawkings attempted to quell public fears about the God formerly known as 'Google' . Speaking with Denver's KWQD reporters he said,

"Google .. (static) (Crackle) can NOT own ALL there is in this universe. I do not believe in a God of the Bible as many do but if there WAS a God of the bible it would not be Google. Sony maybe but not Google. Can I get some (crackle) Duracells over (static) here?"

Ford's CEO after cutting 25,000 Ford jobs nationwide explained in detail how those job cuts would not only help create 25,000 new homeless people for President Bush to ignore but also give Ford some "breathing room for crying out loud". Reactions to the CEO's speech were mixed. CNN's Wolf Blitzer, out of his "Situation Room" actually covering a real news event noted,

"The hot lemon meringue PIE in the CEO's face should have been a tip-off that the Ford crowd was a bit disgruntled .. if that's a word."

Google after the speech spoke with reporters saying,

"Google will SELL their Fords for them. AND their SUV's. F150's even. Hence-forth and thence-forth forward, whenever any Googler on the WWW searches for cars or autos or vehicles or trucks or SUV's or "cotton candy for that matter" Google will simply ship them back a results page containing 20,000 Ford dealerships. Google has spoken."

Pontiac, in trouble itself reportedly approached the God, formerly known as Google with an offer that they could not refuse. As did GM, Chrysler, Volkswagen, Martha Stewart Inc, Boeing, Pope XVI , Michael Joseph Jackson and the entire backfield of the Miami Dolphins.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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