Written by IainB
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Friday, 4 November 2011

image for On hold? There's an app for that
You're through to Apple Core Labs Helpdesk, please hold

Apple Core Labs are releasing their latest app to the relief of thousands of people across the world, iQueue (pronounced IQ) has been designed with the intention of solving that interminable problem of the modern age: Being on hold.

"This is a vital applelet," said App World! editor Mac Buck. "I've used it already. I had to ring my broadband provider. They're forever keeping you on hold while they come up with an excuse as to why you can't access the internet."

Integrating Skype with voice recognition technology, the app allows you to go on hold, and at any point switch over to iQueue. The applelet keeps the call connected while the iPhone owner disconnects their call, which can be expensive. Voice recognition keeps track of the call, ignoring such phrases as 'Your call is important to us', as it blatantly isn't somebody picking up the phone for the caller to speak to. As soon as a real person answers the phone, the applelet reconnects the iPhone back into the conversation with an audible alert.

"In theory, this would allow you to join any length hold queue at any call centre," said Buck. "But there are a few technical glitches with it. Once these are sorted, then I cannot imagine any iPhone user not owning iQueue."

It would appear that the glitches are going to prevent widespread uptake of the applelet.

"Basically," said Buck, "the voice recognition cannot understand Indian accents. This makes it largely pointless."

According to the Apple Core website, there is a solution to the issue, but it requires ringing the Apple Core headquarters to have them send a patch to the phone.

"I did ring the number," said Buck. "Unfortunately, it's a call centre in Mumbai, and I was kept on hold for several hours. Now if only I'd had an app that worked..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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