It was announced today that a stressed out banker has thrown a sicky, at least until Christmas, and been placed in a medical facility in order to aid his recovery from fatigue and exhaustion. The banker, who in certain circles has been described as the financial world's version of football manager Jose Mourinho, unsurprisingly has aroused little sympathy in the world at large.
A recent report asserted that approximately 99% of the world's population are stressed out, fatigued and exhausted, but that the overwhelming majority of them just have to get up in the mornings and get on with it. Most people simply can't afford to throw sickies in the current economic climate, as fuel and food bills rocket and interest rates look likely go through the roof, as the Greek debt crisis deepens on a daily basis.
Taxes must be paid on a regular basis or we'll all be paddling the wrong way up the Orinoco, using shitty sticks for oars, according to the old adage.
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock almost burst a blood vessel when he heard about the fatigued and exhausted banker.
"You're having a fucking laugh!" he said. "Sick? I'd show him fucking sick! I've been shelling out hand over fucking fist to banks for years, in order to secure me future, and because I've always been honest about it, they're trying all sorts of fucking tricks to con me out of even more. Well, they can fuck right off! Let some of the bastards who feed like parasites off the fucking taxpayer do their bit. Bastards!"
"He's right you know. For a change," commented Shuttlecock's long suffering wife, Anne.
More as we get it.