Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Health, Vaseline

Sunday, 23 October 2011

image for Unileverage Unable To Explain Spike In Sales Of Skin Care Products
Cocoa butter now comes in a handy, pocket-sized tube.

Global personal care products manufacturer, Unileverage, is at a loss to explain a jump in sales of products from its well known Vasilene range. The increased sales are reported to be very localised and specific to a small number of particular locations. These include West London, the South Coast of England, one or two pockets in the north west of England and one particular hot spot on the east coast of Australia, amongst one or two other places.

Company spokesman, Tarquin Slippery-Pole, said "We are completely at a loss as to why we are seeing these increases in sales. Stores which sell our products are reporting an increase in the numbers of middle-aged men seeking out products from our Vasilene range. A particular favourite is our cocoa butter moisturiser, which also happens to be a very effective personal lubricant. However, we have absolutely no idea what they might be using the product for, I hasten to add".

Mr Slippery-Pole went on to say "Oddly, we have not seen any increase in sales in the US, which has, traditionally been our greatest market. But what has been somewhat mystifying is that the men buying our products in the other locations mentioned, have been asking if their purchase includes a free copy of a recently published book, The Dorking Review. We are not currently aware of this book, but we will look into whether we could offer it as an incentive for people to buy multipacks of our products".

Meanwhile, Unileverage's competitors are watching with interest.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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