NEW YORK CITY, NY - Authorities said Daniel H. McQueen, age unknown, has been holed up in a Wall Street water closet for an indeterminate length of time. Mr. McQueen, who had been protesting abuses by Wall Street elites appears to be shifting his focus toward more immediate concerns.
"Daniel ate jumbo shrimp which had been left out at room temperature for about a week," said Gail Irvins, 65 who witnessed Mr. McQueen running frantically toward a nearby restroom. "Our guess is a mild food poisoning may be a contributing factor."
A small group of stock traders had assembled earlier today protesting Mr. McQueen's blatant misuse of a public facility. "We demand the self-entitled one-percent not monopolize a latrine owned by the remaining ninety-nine," said white-collar worker Steve Barlentine as he pounded his fist angrily on the bathroom door.
Mr. McQueen has responded only with faint groans and hushed statements of personal regret.