Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Sunday, 16 October 2011

image for "Occupy London" fails
Protesters: get a life!

A protest group calling themselves "Occupy London" failed dramatically to live up to their name yesterday when they only managed to occupy a small area near the financial district. Even that barely lasted a few hours until the police moved them on.

The group are protesting about the financial crisis, and are inspired by a similar group who protested in New York earlier this week. They claim to represent "the 1%" of people who are bothered enough about the financial crisis to want to do something about it, and also whiney enough to think that protesting is the answer.

One spokesman said, "We are here to protest about the 99% of ordinary people. 99% are either not affected by the crisis, or if they are then they just don't care or just don't have the will power to put together a few home-made placards and come and shout about it."

The protest gained some widespread media attention, but it is thought it will have little effect on politics. "At least we had a good whine!" said one protester.

Commentator Dick Turpin said that the protests were symptomatic of a bored and drugged society. "As long as people have the soothing opium that is digital television, and can access all the porn they desire over the internet, then they can't get together enough energy to care about politics. It's a win-win situation for the politicians."

"Also the finance crisis might be bad, but it's not as if anyone's starving to death, or having to go without their internet or TV. If that happens then these protests might start to attract people who aren't just hippies or communists."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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