Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Coke, Pepsi

Friday, 13 January 2006

image for 'Raunchy' Cola War Commercials Spark Network Controversy
RC's Pooch. "Don't let the Top hat FOOL ya"

(CNN) Actual commercial .. A live studio audience .. Coke folks, Pepsi folks. 2 bowls on stage. A pooch walks up to one bowl labeled "Coke", tinkles on it. The PEPSI crowd goes wild. Pooch then walks over to the Pepsi bowl, squats down, does his business .. the COKE crowd goes wild. Pooch finally walks over to a 3rd bowl labeled RC and happily laps it all up. The RC crowd goes wild. Director yells "That's a TAKE!".

RC, makers of Royal Crown Cola has, according to some media pundits crossed the boundary between decency and "hey, doesn't that belong on HBO" with it's latest series of commercials aimed squarely at it's two top cola competitors .. Coke and Pepsi.

Their "mascot", the dog in all commercials, aptly named "Pooch" takes the viewer through a series of increasingly, as some may put it, RAUNCHY television commercials where Pooch goes from ripping the larynx out of an old woman at a bustop drinking Coke to having simulated non-consensual sex with a Pepsi ad executive's leg.

"Totally unacceptable" said one Pepsi fan after viewing one commercial where 'Pooch' somehow dragged a bottle of Pepsi with his mouth to the inside of a toilet bowl and somehow got it to completely flush down with his paws.

Some however love the commercials. Even President Bush said,

"I'm a Pepsi man myself but that Pooch? When Pooch somehow shoved that COKE can completely up that Coke exec's .. well .. me and Laura are still lol'ing over that one."

FOX, "Satan's Network" as it's been called refused to air the RC ads. One media pundit said,

"If FOX refuses to air something .. my God!"

TBN's Pat Robertson, close friends with God Himself said,

"The RC commercials are an affront to not only humanity, God, Jesus, the angels and mother Mary herself but also to the ad revenue's of TBN itself. I hear-by declare Tony Blair to be .. the devil's SPAWN!"

In one RC commercial Pooch PUKES into the Coke bowl, then to everyone's surprise carries the bowl over to the Pepsi bowl and DUMPS the contents into the Pepsi bowl then kicks the entire mess off-stage into a trash can. The RC crowd goes wild.

In another RC commercial Pooch, skydiving, has his main shoot fail. The camera zooms in on his backup chute which reads

"Coke. Pull this cord to live".

5 seconds later we gasp in horror as Pooch SPLATS into the ground traveling 250 mph!

Pooch then repeats the skydive, this time the reserve chute rip cord reading,

"Pepsi. Pull this cord to live".


In the final scene we see the Pooch kicking back in the airport lounge with a bowl of RC and a quite well-done porterhouse steak in front of him going, in his best Scooby Doo voice,

"Rye rain't row'n rup in no reak'n Rare-Plane!"

Stocks in RC rose by 2 points. Stocks in Coke and Pepsi dipped slightly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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