Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 12 October 2011

image for Blackberry apologise to their mobile phone users
The RIM server was woefully inadequate

Blackberry have apologised to their thousands of users over the loss of their email, texting and internet server.

"We did tell people that the RIM server had gone down," said Blackberry CEO, Barry Black. "We sent them all an email, a text and put a message on our website."

According to Black, there is absolutely no truth in the rumour that LulzSec took their RIM server down.

"This has been a disastrous hardware failure," said Black. "There is no question that our security systems were breached by LulzSec or anyone else."

With thousands of Blackberry users forced into talking on their Blackberries, a facility many of them have never used before, Blackberry have taken the unorthodox step of going onto television to apologise for the outage.

"We fully expect that the server will be back up and running in the next couple of days," said Black. "Our biggest problem was that the RIM server had the instructions for disaster recovery on it. Nobody had thought to print them out."

Blackberry have promised to put safeguards in place to ensure that Blackberry users never have to speak again.

"Once we have the RIM server back up and running," said Black, "we will be printing out the disaster recovery instructions, and putting in a second server. Assuming we can find the English instructions. We know there's a Spanish and a Swedish version. Not sure about the English."

The rest of the mobile phone market has moved in to capture some of the dissatisfied Blackberry users, offering tempting deals to any Blackberry user who wishes to carry on typing rather than talking.

Apple have launched a new advert for their latest applelet.

"It's great," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "It says: 'Has your primary server gone down? There's an app for that'."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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