NEW YORK CITY - In a rare feat, Apple Inc. won the Nobel Prize for Anthropology on Tuesday for its "discovery of being the fourth basic necessity for human survival" says the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences.
The prize committee said that Apple was "headed towards greatness" after they received word that the committee qualified for an educational discount for life since reading was part of their job description.
Although IBM, Dell, and Hewlett Packard all conceded grudgingly, they understood that 'life was more important than technology. We welcome Apple and their discounts.'
Apple fans rejoiced and thought it was a long time coming. Die-hard Apple fanatic Joe Joey said, "It's one thing if you win for technology, or another for economics. But for technology to win a Nobel Prize for anthropology is special."
In the spirit of celebration, fans have organized via Twitter to Occupy Apple stores worldwide. Meanwhile, Occupy Wall Street protestors have conceded to suspend their protests mainly because two thirds of them use their bathrooms for potty breaks.
In related news, Occupy Wall Street protestors have shifted their priorities and now demand Apple shares as compensation before even considering ending their protests or as New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg likes to call it 'rent free studio living.'