Written by IainB
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Sunday, 9 October 2011

image for Supermarkets to start selling Whale Milk
It takes a team of trained divers to milk a whale

Two of the big four High Street supermarket chains Asco and Tesda are to start selling the highly controversial Whale Milk. The other three of the big two, Sainssons and Morribury's are watching sales of Whale Milk with interest.

PETAL, the People for the Ethical Treatment of All Living Things, are also watching the sales of Whale Milk and threatening the people who buy it.

"Some people are upset about Whale Milk," said Dolph Wright, CEO of Whale Milk. "They see it in the same vein as taking a whale and killing it for a bone inside it's ear. But it's not. We're milking whales that are domesticated and in captivity. Female whales are called cows you know. That tells you something."

Currently, there are three whales involved in the milking program, all three based at the Blue Planet in Ellesmere Port, where PETAL are currently maintaining a twenty-four hour vigil.

"Our three whales, Milly, Maggie and Trevor are all quite happy to be milked," said Wright. "Since we sold their cubs to Terriaki Industries, they've been producing milk in great quantities."

According to Wright, the three whales are producing as much milk as four dairies, and should they expand, they could quickly supply half of England's milk needs.

"On top of it being produced in copious amounts," said Wright, "it's more healthy than cow's milk as it contains omega three fatty acids, which are good for the brain. It's got lower cholesterol, and, as long as it's not a sperm whale, tastes a little bit of prawns."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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