Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Microsoft, cash

Monday, 9 January 2006

image for Microsoft Unveils 99 Cent Cell Phone
"No strings attached this time foks now come on"

The FTC is wondering how Microsoft can not only offer a 99 cent cell phone but also throw in a cash voucher for 8000 Anytime minutes with the provider of your choice. "Gates has got something up his sleeve" FTC Chairman Timothy Murisis said. Studies DO show that most Earthlings agree that anytime Bill Gates flat out GIVES you something .. for FREE, there's a catch somewhere .. strings attached big time to the deal.

Top financial analysts are also baffled, wondering how Microsoft can possibly make a profit out of this venture.

"Unless" said one analyst, "unless Gates is secretly plotting to buy up all the cell phone companies on the planet, then jacking the roaming charge rates up to the heavens once he controls telecommunications as we know it today. That IS a nice phone though. At a buck I might just grab a couple of dozen myself. Stocking stuffers you know."

The phone, christened "Talk XP" is a indeed a "sheer marvel" to behold said one CNET technology reviewer.

Sporting a 7-megapixel CMOS digital camera with flash and 8X digital zoom; MPEG-4 video-capture capabilities; separate lens and display swivels; 9000 digital Ring Tones; RS-MMC external memory slot; MP3 player; PictBridge compatible; Bluetooth; USB connectivity; e-mail, etc, etc, the phone easily costs over $300 to simply MANUFACTURE, let alone sell for less than a buck.

"Gates will try to put God Himself out of business if you let him" FTC Chairman Murisis told reporters adding,

"Don't worry God, the Federal Trade Commission of the United States of America is NOT going to let that happen! Gates may have bankrupted Netscape and Sun Systems and Baskin Robbins with that new digital XP flavored Ice Scream of his but he's NOT going to put YOU out of the deity business .. not if the FTC can help it. Amen."

Bill Gates appeared on Late Night with David Letterman Friday. Letterman jokingly said,

LETTERMAN -> 99 cents? What? You must have some kind of hidden CHIP in that puppy that secretly records every person's conversation and reports it back to you.

Gates simply replied,

"Ha ha. You're such a kidder Dave. That's why I love your show. How many can I sign you up for?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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