Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 6 October 2011

image for Tiger Woods Pitches Rolex in Average-Guy Campaign
The gold GMT was another affordable watch featured in Tiger's "Average Guy" campaign

Inking his first endorsement deal since his wife's golf-club-upside-the-head incident two years ago, Tiger Woods will stump for Rolex Watches in a new advertising campaign targeted at working class men.

The magazine ads already under production, Woods can be seen in several poses performing formerly unthinkable activities like manual labor. Woods is seen in one photo series digging his own fence post holes; his sweaty and dirt covered arms adorned quite nicely by an $18,000 Rolex Daytona watch. In another series, Woods is seen with friends, streaked with grease dropping a new engine into a 1974 AMC Gremlin. The three men were all seen wearing the much more affordable Rolex Explorer priced at only $6,300. Apparently without any actual buddies to join him in the photo shoot, friends were provided.

"We're excited about Tiger making a connection again to the working man", says Woods new publicity agent, Morey Bola. "These new ads show Tiger being an average guy, doing average things, wearing a really, really nice watch. We're confident that the message will translate well to all those average guys out there who used to look up to him, and who need a new, slightly expensive watch". Woods and Bola were later seen leaving the photo set in a chauffeured Bentley.

Early advertising feedback was less than positive. One man living in the outskirts of Detroit was interviewed by a test marketing group who featured the ads for initial consumer reaction. The man only identified as "Al", pointed to a trailer still up on its wheels and replied, "What, is he kiddin' me? I paid less for my house".

The first in the series of magazine ads will feature Woods, covered in what looks like wadded up toilet paper and excrement, holding a plunger and wearing a stainless Oyster Perpetual watch. The slogan reads; "Rolex. It's worth the second mortgage".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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