Written by IainB
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Thursday, 6 October 2011

image for James Dyson to take over Apple Corp
Steve Jobs in his last product launch

British Inventor James Dyson has been approached to take over Apple Corp following the tragic and untimely passing of the talismanic and charismatic Steve Jobs.

"It's what Steve would have wanted," said Naomi Munny, head of marketing at the multinational. "Steve had a vision of what computers should be, how they should be used and, more importantly, where they should be used. James Dyson has the same vision. It is important for Apple that we have continuity."

Dyson, famed for his reinvention of the vacuum, hand dryer and fan to make them more useful, more colourful and more expensive, said he is excited at taking over at the world's largest privately owned company.

"It's a great opportunity," he said. "I've already got some ideas bubbling. I've often felt that Apple's products are far too dull in colour. White and black? We need multicolours that clash, like yellow and purple, orange and grey. I envisage a Technicolour future."

Dyson intends to hold true to Steve Jobs's ideas of making his appliances intuitive, easy to use and iconic.

"If you put the iPhone in the hands of a medieval person, they'd be able to use it within ten minutes," said Dyson. "Assuming it's charged and they don't burn you as a witch. I've tried to bring that ethos to my products. I believe if you can't explain how to use it in five pictures, then it's too complicated."

Dyson's first job will be to oversee the launch of the iPhone 4S and ensure that the iPhone 5 is launched as soon as possible afterwards, with sufficient gap to have early adopters already on the iPhone 4S.

"I'm going to be heavily involved in the design of the interface for the iPhone 5 and the iPad 3," said Dyson. "I also think it would be good if there was a fusion of Dyson and Apple products. An iPhone that can vacuum, for instance. I want to expand the niches that Apple exploit. Kitchen appliances are ripe for reinvention, whilst the sex toy industry has been stagnating for years. Give me twenty minutes, a pencil and a pad of paper, and I'm sure I can come up with more ideas."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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