HARFOLD, Vt.--Insiders in the banking industry confide that Bank of America is currently considering a name change to Bank Against America, a change which would certainly be in alignment with recent behaviors by the banking giant.
Bank of America announced this week that they would begin penalizing customers who left home without enough cash to pay for their purchases. Long seen as the wave of the future, the safe, responsible debit card now itself carries a price tag. A five-dollar fee will now be assessed to those account holders who dare to enter the 21st century.
"I guess we need to turn back the clock," said Harfold resident and Bank of America customer, Silvia Niell. "I guess everybody has carry around a wad of bills in their pockets like gas station attendants."
This press comes fresh on the heels of the arrests of two dozen protesters in Boston. Demonstrating against Bank of America's foreclosure practices at the bank'a offices, police obliged the hard-done-by citizens by throwing them into the slammer.
Bank of America spokesperson Crawford Tejay dismissed the protest as small potatoes. "Bank of America feels it's time America woke up. Gone are the days when your friendly, neighborhood banker was there to help you start a business or buy your first home.
"That same banker is there to make money for the bank. End of story."