Written by Terry Firmer
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Tuesday, 27 September 2011

The global recession has claimed it's latest victim - the city of Derby. The metropolis' Mayor, Shaun Carey, yesterday announced that due to the Eurozone crisis it had no option but to cease trading.

Speaking outside the city's cathedral a tearful Carey explained: 'It is with great regret that we are unable to carry on. I love the city but we have accepted an offer with Nottingham to merge with them'.

'We have some great years but financially it's no longer adding up and while we could borrow money we have little prospect of paying it back'.

Carey revealed that last ditch talks almost saved the city: 'We looked into sponsorship deals and for a time it seemed we could be Derby County brought to you by Sheds for You but unfortunately it just didn't sit right'.

Changes over the next weeks will include the football team, Derby County, altering to Nottingham Forest Extra and the cathedral being moved brick by gargoyle to alongside the River Trent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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