Written by The Incredible Sulk
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Friday, 23 September 2011

The man accused of unauthorised trading that lost Swiss bank UBS around £1.5bn ($2.3bn) has told a court that it is all a big mistake and that it happened because he "lost four words".

A Solicitor representing Kweku Adoboli was initially misquoted as saying Mr Adoboli was "lost for words", which was taken as an unreserved apology. However, in a following statement, it was revealed that the apology was actually a plea of innocence and, in fact, the loss of the money was due do him losing the words: 'stop', 'thieving','naughty' and 'illegal'.

"The loss of these words from Mr Adoboli's vocabulary rendered him incapable of the ability to realise he was doing any wrongdoing", sniggered his Lawyer.

A representative from UBS stated, "I doesn't matter what words he
thinks he lost, he still owes us one and a half billion quid". He added, "I'll give him four words: "See. You. In. Court. Buddy".

The representative later conceded that that was actually five words.

The case continues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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