Written by mickrikko
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Topics: Economy

Friday, 23 September 2011

image for Angry Economics Gods Demand Sacrifices
Buy, Sell, Lay Off People - More Money for Someone eh?

People around the world are coming to terms with the fact that despite those arse numbingly dull election campaigns, toadying creepy men in bad suits doorstepping for votes and ludicrous expense claims for houses they aren't even living in, politicians aren't in the least bit influential when it comes to major decision affecting their citizens.

"As it turns out, it's The Markets", explains Dr Jake Parmesan, Reader in World Politics and Bricklaying at Selby Polytechnic for Girls. "The Markets are vengeful gods which sit in judgement on the affairs of men. If they are happy then we have a boom, and when angered we have a recession. In times of crisis only some kind of sacrifice, say 1000 public sector jobs or a complete carving up of any valuable assets the country may have like a health service or forests will appease their anger." Dr Parmesan chirped.

"There are also minor deities, like credit reference agencies who stand in judgement for minor events in a persons life, like if they can have a house or a mobile phone, or if Berlusconi's Italy can get a sofa on interest free credit. Not elected individuals, you see, not accountable or anything, just a bunch of self elected shitwads with a database rolling dice to determine if world is a nice place, or a crumbling financial hell hole." laughed Dr Jake. "And get this, and if you want to see what they think about you, you even have to pay to get the information, quite brilliant."

Despite his outwardly critically stance, Dr Parmesan believes this is only good and right. "All power be to The Markets and their agency representatives on earth! Who are we to question their ultimate wisdom?" asked Dr Jake. "Except perhaps people trying to make their way in the world without being screwed over. But who gives a crap about that?"

Not the politicians, or The Markets that's for damn sure.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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