There were 138 spoof news stories published in April 2017. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: USA Workers Declare Next Friday ME-FIRST DAY!

USA Workers Declare Next Friday ME-FIRST DAY!

They got the idea for this when they recently saw an airliner get passengers off a plane to make room for airline employees who needed transport to a work destination. "Yes," one employee shouted, continuing, "Up with employees, down with the cus...
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Funny story: Giant iceberg off Newfoundland purchased by Scottish whisky giant!

Giant iceberg off Newfoundland purchased by Scottish whisky giant!

A giant iceberg visiting the southern shore highway off the coast of Newfoundland has been causing great interest and tourists are flocking to the peninsula for a snapshot of the giant. The iceberg, nicknamed, "Titanic" has also caused major inter...
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Funny story: US state of Ohio drop driving age to 8!

US state of Ohio drop driving age to 8!

After long consideration and acknowledgement that kids aint kids like they used to be, the US state of Ohio have decided to drop the age of driving to 8! The first boy to take advantage of the new law was an 8 year-old who after feeling pangs of h...
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Funny story: Gibraltar monkeys refuse to leave rock after Brexit shock!

Gibraltar monkeys refuse to leave rock after Brexit shock!

Monkeys inhabiting the Rock of Gibraltar have come out in solidarity with non-Brexiters by refusing to leave their warm, Mediterranean adopted homeland after Brexit is completed in 2019! They are refusing to leave Europe and certainly do not want to...
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Funny story: Dentists admit all toothpastes are the same product

Dentists admit all toothpastes are the same product

The National Dental Association have revealed that all toothpastes are exactly the same paste, just sometimes coloured differently. In a series of revelations, Dentists have said the best advice for having visually clean teeth is not using so call...
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Funny story: Officials Speculate on Trump's Refusal to Throw Out the First Pitch of Baseball Season

Officials Speculate on Trump's Refusal to Throw Out the First Pitch of Baseball Season

Washington, DC Many Presidents of the United States felt that throwing out the first ball of the baseball season was one of the highlights of being President. But this was not the case with President Trump, as he refused to throw out the first pit...
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Funny story: Big Bang Theory Will Kill Off Entire Cast and Start Over in Season Ten

Big Bang Theory Will Kill Off Entire Cast and Start Over in Season Ten

Hollywood, CA In a shocking TV show announcement, CBS's #1 comedy, The Big Bang Theory will have its whole cast die at the end of Season 9, and Season 10 will introduce a whole new group of nerds. "The last show will have Sheldon assuring the whol...
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Funny story: White Police Officer Almost Doesn't Shoot Handcuffed Unarmed Black Man

White Police Officer Almost Doesn't Shoot Handcuffed Unarmed Black Man

A Georgia state law enforcement officer was commended for following procedure during a routine traffic stop that nearly turned tragic earlier this week. Deputy Jason Hancock continued police department tradition of shooting unarmed black men, but...
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Funny story: Kim Jong-Un invites Noel Coward to inspect his rockets with an army of Mad Dogs and Englishmen!

Kim Jong-Un invites Noel Coward to inspect his rockets with an army of Mad Dogs and Englishmen!

Feebly attempting to shock the world into believing he inherited Saddam's infamous "Weapons of mass destruction" North Korea Nutter, Kim-Jong Un, invited star English eccentric genius, Noel Coward, along with his army of 'Mad Dogs and Englishmen' to...
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Funny story: Jetset turkey refuses to wear seatbelt during US inland flight!

Jetset turkey refuses to wear seatbelt during US inland flight!

A turkey that was flown by its owner on an inland US flight has broken the seatbelt law and now will face a financial penalty and eventual life-long ban flying (Can they fly?). The turkey was allocated a window seat but, during the flight, refused to...
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Funny story: Airb&b apartments ideal for a "quickie" claim Ladies of the night!

Airb&b apartments ideal for a "quickie" claim Ladies of the night!

Global prostitutes who have no desire to work in organised brothels are turning to Internet giant, Airb&b (name changed for legal implications), for offering their clients a cheap "quickie" without strings attached, only tangas if required! La...
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Funny story: Brit fatties overtake German fatties as Nr 2 behind global leaders, US fatties!

Brit fatties overtake German fatties as Nr 2 behind global leaders, US fatties!

Once upon a time German male holidaymakers took the biscuit in showing off their mega-beer-bellied, sausage gorging fatties proudly patrolling the beaches, swimming pools and other near naked holiday places. It seems that ranking has now been take...
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Funny story: Gov. Bourbon Signs Conceal Carry Law That Allows Children to Carry Without a Permit as Long as They Have a Valid Kindergarten ID Card

Gov. Bourbon Signs Conceal Carry Law That Allows Children to Carry Without a Permit as Long as They Have a Valid Kindergarten ID Card

BISMARCK, ND--The state legislature of North Dakota today signed into a law a Conceal Carry bill that would allow children to carry a firearm as long as they possessed a valid kindergarten ID card. Gov. Doug Bourbon, eating lunch at his favorite b...
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Funny story: Discount Airline Companies Proliferate

Discount Airline Companies Proliferate

As airline customers around the world rail against lowered standards in the airline industry, it seems we only have ourselves to blame for the mess we're in: Consumers continue to flock to discount airlines that only add to their discontent with the...
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Funny story: "Out of Office Assistant" Turns on its Employee

"Out of Office Assistant" Turns on its Employee

Fort Lee, NJ - Kevin Santorelli had no idea he would be fired until the day he returned to work after being on family medical leave. While taking care of his mother, and attending church each day, he turned on his "out of office assistant" email fea...
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Funny story: Pretty Little Liars "A" Identity Leaked

Pretty Little Liars "A" Identity Leaked

For seven seasons, the girls of Freeform's "Pretty Little Liars," have been stalked and harassed by someone identified merely as "A." The identity of "A" has been kept confidential, keeping speculative fans of the show in deep suspense. Now, however...
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Funny story: Satan Shows Up on Wall Street on the Floor of the New York Stock Exchange

Satan Shows Up on Wall Street on the Floor of the New York Stock Exchange

New York, NY The Times Financial Editor wrote that he had been observing on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, when he was surprised the see the Prince of Darkness, Satan himself, on the floor making a number of trades. Although most of th...
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Funny story: US Industries to Take Over EPA

US Industries to Take Over EPA

Now that a dozen or more large US corporations will operate the newly privatized EPA, the future of US industry looks a lot brighter--even as the skies darken from the increased pollution. Scott Pruitt, token head of the EPA, and Monsaton CEO, Nic...
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Funny story: Shares in prison company continue to rise

Shares in prison company continue to rise

If you're looking for a good stock to invest in, you could do a lot worse than Alabama State Penitentiary Conglomerates. Since they have expanded their operations beyond their eponymous state, they have seen profits rise by 400% and their workforce i...
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Funny story: Latest list of celebs, politicians and VIP's who must eat their words in public!

Latest list of celebs, politicians and VIP's who must eat their words in public!

John Cleese swore he would never work for the BEEB again in public and has now accepted a job playing the role of A Fish called Wanda in a new BBC sitcom called "In a Python's Belly!" Like many other public figures before him, Cleese, has joined a...
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Funny story: Trump Has Scientist Waterboarded Until He Says That Global Warming Isn't Real

Trump Has Scientist Waterboarded Until He Says That Global Warming Isn't Real

Science Town, U.S.A. Just as Trump was ready to announce a press conference stating that he had proof that global warming wasn't true, the BBC released a beguiling story. "It seems that Trump kidnapped three of the world's top climatologists and t...
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Funny story: Bill O'Reilly Has Neck Surgery While on "Vacation"

Bill O'Reilly Has Neck Surgery While on "Vacation"

Bill O'Reilly has quickly realized he can't control the unflattering pictures of him the media have published alongside stories of his alleged sexual harassment of colleagues. So, he decided to do the one thing he could do to improve his appearance:...
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Funny story: Ivanka Trump Sex Video Goes Viral

Ivanka Trump Sex Video Goes Viral

Ivanka Trump is making no apologies for a sex video that has recently gone viral on the internet. "Hey", she protested, "my hubby and I are entitled to a romantic getaway just like any other couple, and daddy happens to have a large number of hote...
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Funny story: India declares the River Ganges is now a person!

India declares the River Ganges is now a person!

The Indian government have introduced new legislation pertaining to their natural resources and now claim they are "people!" The polluted, River Ganges, is the first one to undergo a transgender operation and government officials have been down to...
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Funny story: Judges Block Trump's Cinco de Mayo Ban

Judges Block Trump's Cinco de Mayo Ban

President Trump's attempt to ban Cinco de Mayo backfired after three separate circuit courts blocked his executive order: Now this year's celebrations promise to be even bigger in defiance of President Trump. After being rebuked by the courts, Tru...
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Funny story: Mountain Dew: "it'll tickle yore innards"

Mountain Dew: "it'll tickle yore innards"

LANSING, MI --- Most of us have drunk a bottle or two of Mountain Dew. As we sipped the frosty green beverage, we probably never worried about it. After 7,200 gallons of the drink's concentrated syrup flooded the internal sewers of a Pepsico bottling...
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Funny story: World Gravity Shortage Drives Demand for Spacesuits

World Gravity Shortage Drives Demand for Spacesuits

New York … The Earth is running out of gravity, according to an ongoing study by the US Environmental Protection Agency. The researchers found that a lack of the attractive force was directly responsible for the over 60,000 disappearances last year,...
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Funny story: Population unpopular with Targette

Population unpopular with Targette

Minneapolis, Minnesota ---- As part of its "population control program," discount retailer Targette, which has already equipped its stores with transgender bathrooms, "because," as the company's CEO, Brian C. "Big Bri" Cornhole, explained to star rep...
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Funny story: Bill Cosby Comes Up With New Trial Demands

Bill Cosby Comes Up With New Trial Demands

Somewhere in Pennsylvania After getting the judge to agree to many of his demands-including moving the trial to a rural area, not allowing 49 of his rape accusers to testify, and prescreening the potential jurors for racial bias, Cosby had a few more...
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Funny story: Дорогой Хиллари (Dear Hillary)

Дорогой Хиллари (Dear Hillary)

Please excuse my bad English. You most probably are wondering why I am writing to you, after what happened. What I did. Is very hard for man like me to admit, but I made mistake. How you say in American, "Vlad backed wrong horse." Or maybe even better, "Vlad have buyer's regret." Would much rather have you in White House than unpredictable red head. You at least are predictable. But I...
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Funny story: DACA 'Dreamer' Sues Following Deportation

DACA 'Dreamer' Sues Following Deportation

A young foreign spy who goes by the code name "Dreamer" was deported to Mexico earlier this year after refusing to give federal authorities the true name of his country of origin. He claims he had protected DACA status and has filed a suit against im...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Has Brain Reduction Surgery

Sarah Palin Has Brain Reduction Surgery

Being well endowed seems to be a central part of Sarah Palin's image and persona, so many people were surprised when it was announced that she had undergone brain reduction surgery last week. The former Alaska governor had suffered for years with...
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Funny story: Obama And Trump Face Off In Not So Epic Lightsaber Battle

Obama And Trump Face Off In Not So Epic Lightsaber Battle

Barrack Obama was knighted by the Jedi council and was enlisted in the fight against Donald Trump. Barrack Obama then proved his mettle by besting President Donald Trump in a mere two minute lightsaber fight. Master Yoda explained the council's de...
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Funny story: Bad Boys of Politics Release Musical Album

Bad Boys of Politics Release Musical Album

Shocking and awing both political and musical worlds, Kim Jong Un, Boris Johnson, Geert Wilders, and Donald Trump have joined forces to sing songs of love and paeans to their political ideologies. Calling themselves the Bad Hair Boys because Insan...
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Funny story: Airlines to play musical chairs

Airlines to play musical chairs

Chicago - Unasty Airline CEO Phat N. Gooney announced to a crowded funeral gathering today that the airline is instituting a "Friendly Sky" way of dealing with overbookings. Instead of knocking out customers, then dragging them down the isle, set...
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Funny story: Man Swallowed By Snake: Pet Gerbil Unable To Save Him

Man Swallowed By Snake: Pet Gerbil Unable To Save Him

BILLINGSGATE POST: A heartbreaking story from Sulawesi, Indonesia. According to local news reports, the body found inside a 23-foot python turned out to be a 23-year-old man named Akbar who had been reported missing by his wife. Authorities there...
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Funny story: Mexican Gay goes on first date

Mexican Gay goes on first date

Just before the holidays, a Mexican Gay named Taco called off a modeling shoot to announce to CBS news that he went on her first date with the man of his dreams. Taco spend a weekend in Las Vegas with football player John Homes who's a tight end f...
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Funny story: Plastic eating caterpillars replace garbage men!

Plastic eating caterpillars replace garbage men!

Scientists have discovered a way to remove all plastic and other garbage from the face of the planet by unleashing a "plastic gorging caterpillar" to do the filthy jobs refuse companies and governments have failed miserably to do. Instead of the g...
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Funny story: Dutch druggist chain, Kruidfart, adopt Adolf Hitler as their new logo!

Dutch druggist chain, Kruidfart, adopt Adolf Hitler as their new logo!

"Any advertising is good advertising even if it stinks!" Claim Dutch druggist chain, Kruidfart (name changed for legal implications and fear of being gassed), as they implement the infamous saying of Benetton who depicted a blood-smothered newborn ba...
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Funny story: Bill Cosby is New Head of the Celebrity Career Killers Club

Bill Cosby is New Head of the Celebrity Career Killers Club

Hollywood, CA The head of the secret Celebrity Career Killers Club, Michael Richards, announced that Bill Cosby had been voted the latest head. The Celebrity Career Killer Club is reserved for celebrities who have successfully killed otherwise thr...
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Funny story: Secret Sepia Life of Ex-Blue Peter Presenter Peter Purves Revealed

Secret Sepia Life of Ex-Blue Peter Presenter Peter Purves Revealed

The discovery of a rare sepia photograph of ex-Blue Peter presenter Peter Purves covering legendary music hall entertainer Little Tich in cling film backstage at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, has revealed a secret relationship hitherto unrevealed, w...
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Funny story: American man gets tricked by spies

American man gets tricked by spies

An American man canceled all of his dates through next month due to upset stomach and the trots that forced him to take a rest, it was announced on Monday. He became sickly after eating a salted fugu fish at an Asian restaurant run by foreign spie...
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Funny story: Peyton Manning caught in the act

Peyton Manning caught in the act

Peyton Manning walked into the bar I was at and took a seat on the stool right next to me. I must admit I was a little bit nervous having a famous athlete sitting so close. Minding my own business and trying not to act like a gushing fan, all of...
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Funny story: Trail Blazers to Face Central PA Elite 14U in First Round of Consolation Bracket

Trail Blazers to Face Central PA Elite 14U in First Round of Consolation Bracket

After a devastating 4-0 Series loss against the Golden State Warriors, the Portland Trail Blazers have shifted focus to their next opponent, the Central PA Elite 14U AAU team. We caught up with Central PA Elite's head coach Mark Hofsass. "I'm fee...
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Funny story: Terror at Mickey-D's

Terror at Mickey-D's

A Mickey-D's customer was betrayed by employees who ID'd him and made him wait a little extra time for his order so the food patrol could come and deny him his last meal. He didn't have it his way at Mickey-D's. Jackson went through the so calle...
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Funny story: Ebdon breaks four minute barrier

Ebdon breaks four minute barrier

The snooker world was rocked today when Peter Ebdon played a shot in under four minutes. It happened at the Heapey Open Snooker Championship. I caught up with him as he walked back to his dressing room, being very careful not to step in the trail...
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Funny story: Cubs Forced Out of Wrigley Field Just After Opening Day

Cubs Forced Out of Wrigley Field Just After Opening Day

In a stunning announcement it has been learned the Chicago Cubs will have to vacate Wrigley Field immediately and will not be able to return to the field for any future home games. Apparently the Cubs owner, Thomas S. Ricketts was not aware of a cla...
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Funny story: Robert Pattinson Likes Older Women

Robert Pattinson Likes Older Women

Twilight luminary Robert Pattinson is very rich. He is very rich because he has earned a lot of money. He has earned a lot of money because he has acted in fillums about sexy star-crossed teen vampires which offer those who don't want to use their im...
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Funny story: Police blasted over offensive language used to describe person who shot person in the head

Police blasted over offensive language used to describe person who shot person in the head

Sydney, Australia - Police have been blasted by critics for using what they say is blatantly insensitive language in a murder investigation. The language in question appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald, where a police report said a 'manhunt' was un...
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Funny story: Nigerian traffic cops corps searching for bald female recruits!

Nigerian traffic cops corps searching for bald female recruits!

Long-haired Nigerian females need not apply for jobs in the Traffic Cops Corps, but it seems that the organisation is having desperate problems finding bald female recruits! After a public display of cutting off female dreadlocks, a senior male of...
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Funny story: Scientists Are Quitting Like Crazy

Scientists Are Quitting Like Crazy

Science Town, US "Why are so many scientists quitting the Science profession and going elsewhere for their occupations?" asked a local TV news reporter. "Well, we figure with Trump in office there aren't going to be a lot of research grants unles...
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Funny story: Wonder drug for dementia comes too late for Jaggedone!

Wonder drug for dementia comes too late for Jaggedone!

UK scientists have discovered a wonder drug for neurodegenerative brain diseases, including dementia. "Sorry, what's my name?" This drug will give hope to millions of people who tend to forget many things including Jaggedone of Spoof fame. "...
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Funny story: For pro golfer Bob Twat, being cute and inspirational may have to be enough

For pro golfer Bob Twat, being cute and inspirational may have to be enough

DULUTH, GA ---- Bob Twat bogeyed two of the last three holes during his play at Friday's PGA Tour Champions' Mitsubishi Electric Classic. "It's disappointing that I actually hit two nice shots on 7 and 9," he said. "Otherwise, I'd be even further...
View 'For pro golfer Bob Twat, being cute and inspirational may have to be enough'
Funny story: Russians remember Ronald Reagan

Russians remember Ronald Reagan

In the Arctic Circle, the Russians are celebrating Ronald Reagan's legacy as actor and comedian with a new military base, a development that's in part possible because of Regan's contributions to perestroika, a precursor to capitalism. The new Ar...
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Funny story: Hillary Clinton has begun to urinate in public

Hillary Clinton has begun to urinate in public

Little Rocks, Arkansas - Joggers along the Arkansas River Trail have called our news room after many observed Hillary crawling on the trail, stopping frequently to urinate. "It was totally disgusting", reported Mr. Edophilepay, when he phoned in...
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Funny story: Trump's Fired National Security Adviser General Flynn Says He'll Sing in Exchange for Immunity

Trump's Fired National Security Adviser General Flynn Says He'll Sing in Exchange for Immunity

Washington, DC The National Security Adviser, General Michael Flynn, who resigned/got fired for offenses including talking to the Russians and for secretly telling his friends that Ivanka's fashion line was put together in sweat shops in Shanghai.
View 'Trump's Fired National Security Adviser General Flynn Says He'll Sing in Exchange for Immunity'
Funny story: Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

A sad, humble bunch of spineless, blank-firing Gunners led by their French fumbling manager got blown away yesterday by a flock of ravaging Eagles at the Palace last night! Now normally managers would concede honorably to such a defeat but, Messr...
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Funny story: North Korea and China Team Up to Hoodwink Trump

North Korea and China Team Up to Hoodwink Trump

Beijing, China Sources have revealed that, minutes after President Trump had finished pledging $4 billion dollars to help China fight North Korea and flew off in his jet, China's premier called Kim Jong-Un, dictator of North Korea. (Translated fro...
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Funny story: Slimmed Down Mama "The Hut" June Donates Extra Chins To Chinese

Slimmed Down Mama "The Hut" June Donates Extra Chins To Chinese

Looking unrecognizable after weight loss and cosmetic surgery, Mama June has become a hero to an unfortunate few in China after she donated her excess chins for transplant surgeries. The extra skin stayed in China after June's surgery, now Chines...
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Funny story: Trump's Plans for North Korea Revealed in Shocking Press Release

Trump's Plans for North Korea Revealed in Shocking Press Release

Earlier this week, president Donald Trump, in a press release, stated his full plans for North Korea: "mega bigly annihilation." The president at about 8:00 AM stated that the North Koreans "need to be stopped," and clearly stated his strong opini...
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Funny story: "This is not the time to play politics Sturgeon!" However hypocrite May calls an election in June!

"This is not the time to play politics Sturgeon!" However hypocrite May calls an election in June!

Now please correct the almighty author of this political spoof; but are we all residing on the same planet as Mrs May or is she so far up her rear end only rhetorical bullshit comes out? The British PM has obviously been studying Thatcher's biogra...
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Funny story: Hillary Clinton declared President of the dead

Hillary Clinton declared President of the dead

Hell, 66th level down - A spokesman for Mr. Beezle Bub announced today at a crowded press briefing that Hillary Clinton is the official President of the Dead. Ms Clinton garnered the vast majority of the votes cast by dead voters. The plurality o...
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Funny story: Julius Caesar's "Shakespeare"

Julius Caesar's "Shakespeare"

The stage ride from Verona to Venice was slow, dusty, bumpy and tiring, especially for the young, attractive and very pregnant U. of Verona co-ed, Sophia. Her attempts to sleep were frustrated by the ham actor who boarded the stage at some obscure stop and proceeded to regale, he thought, his fellow passengers with soliloquies from epic plays. For nearly sixty minutes, non-stop, he blustered up an...
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Funny story: Never say Neverland

Never say Neverland

Never Never Land, CA --- The late Michael Jackson's estate, Never Never Land, named for Neverland, the fantasy island on which "lost boys" never become men, was the singer's home and, according to "unproven" allegations, the site of several molestations by "Wacko Jacko," as Jackson is also known. Supposedly, Wacko molested several preteen males who stayed at Never Never Land as his overnight "gues...
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Funny story: Airlines Update Choke-hold Policy

Airlines Update Choke-hold Policy

Reeling from the recent public relations nightmare faced by United Airlines, the airline industry has publicly touted the update of choke-hold policies as making the skies even friendlier. Linda Hutton of Greeley, Colorado, found out about the ne...
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Funny story: KFC isn't as FLG as it used to be (and ought to be)

KFC isn't as FLG as it used to be (and ought to be)

DOGPATCH, KY ---- Kentucky Fried Chicken, more commonly known by the initials FLG (for "finger-lickin' good") claims to be a restaurant that "happens to sell fast food," rather than a fast-food franchise. With nearly 20,000 locations, there's probably one near you unless you live in a country other than the United States, although there are one or two FLGs in such third-world hellholes as the Unit...
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Funny story: Satan Issues Report Card of World Leaders

Satan Issues Report Card of World Leaders

[Associated Press, Washington, D.C. The reclusive being popularly know as Satan, a/k/a Lucifer, Shaitan, etc., etc., gave a rare interview today in which he scored various of the world's leaders.] AP: Mr. Satan, thank . . . SAT: Just "Satan," will do. AP: Well, thank you, Satan, for making time to speak with us. Tell us about your recent report in which you scored some of the world's lead...
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Funny story: Never say Neverland

Never say Neverland

Never Never Land, CA --- The late Michael Jackson's estate, Never Never Land, named for Neverland, the fantasy island on which "lost boys" never become men, was the singer's home and, according to "unproven" allegations, the site of several molestations by "Wacko Jacko," as Jackson is also known. Supposedly, Wacko molested several preteen males who stayed at Never Never Land as his overnight "gues...
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Funny story: Rise in Spontaneous Human Combustion Fueled by Trump Election

Rise in Spontaneous Human Combustion Fueled by Trump Election

An alarming increase in cases of spontaneous human combustion (SHC) among Americans is reportedly due in large part to anger from the election of Donald Trump and a Republican led Congress. That's according to an explosive study from More On, a Calif...
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Funny story: Monkeys are to be employed as parental guidance officers in India!

Monkeys are to be employed as parental guidance officers in India!

The Indian government have decided to introduce new legislation pertaining to bringing up children by employing monkeys in nurseries, nationwide. After discovering a young girl who was raised by primates in the Uttar Pradesh jungle, a la Mowgli wi...
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Funny story: Trump Dictatorship Declaration Delayed by Traffic Court Judge in New Mexico

Trump Dictatorship Declaration Delayed by Traffic Court Judge in New Mexico

West Cimmaron Bend, N.M. - A traffic court judge in the small remote town of West Cimmaron Bend, New Mexico has placed Donald Trump's Declaration that he is the Supreme Ruler of the United States in limbo, issuing a ruling that the Executive Order b...
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Funny story: Sloppy Sally responds to readers' questions

Sloppy Sally responds to readers' questions

Q. Whatever happened to hatpins and pocket pistols? In days past,  pussy-pinchers could expect to be pinned to death or given a lethal dose of 'lead poisoning' for the act our President describes so cavalierly. How would we men feel about Nut Grabbing? - Den from Colorado  A. Dear Den: Personally, I am opposed to Nut-Grabbing (I believe that it is meant to be hyphenated).  Many st...
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Funny story: Geordie Land is hoping for a Lourdes miracle!

Geordie Land is hoping for a Lourdes miracle!

By employing a Scottish Messiah and sacking a Portuguese Madonna, it seems that these two representatives of Geordies fantasies have failed to work miracles in and around the area called Geordie Land! Sunderland fans were observed yesterday prayin...
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Funny story: Kim Jong Un buns now very big

Kim Jong Un buns now very big

Kim Jong's Buns - North Kiarrhea - It was another bloody mess at the launching pad today as members of US special forces reported seeing another horrible missile test failure. When the Jongdong II missile ignited, it fissiled for several minutes, sp...
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Funny story: Onward, ever onward!

Onward, ever onward!

This is A.P. reporter Aziz Hernandez, speaking to you from on board the carrier USS Potemkin Village, somewhere off the Korean Peninsula, or maybe Australia. I have been embedded with the crew here for two months, and nobody on board seems to know where we are, or where we are going. We get a regular satellite news feed and I saw on Fox News that we were headed towards the Korean Penninsula, but w...
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Funny story: Bob Dylan's "Arachnia": Now Newly Comprehensible!

Bob Dylan's "Arachnia": Now Newly Comprehensible!

Since Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize last fall, interest has been high in "Arachnia," the singer's only book of poetry to date. the book has yet to be re-issued, but old library copies are flying off the shelves. But we've just learned that a new edition of the book will soon be published, and will include some previously unseen material. This ne material comes from an early version of the book, an...
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Funny story: Rachel Maddow: The Secrets of Her Success

Rachel Maddow: The Secrets of Her Success

NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK ---- Rachel "Meow" Maddow says her qualifications as the hostess of MSNBC's The Rachel "Meow" Maddow Show are her "lesbianism and her liberalism, in that order." A graduate of the University of Oxford (Mississippi), she boasts of her doctorate in politics and says she agrees with almost everything in "the Eisenhower-era Republican platform." When he heard of her statement,...
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Funny story: Italian trains loaded with rubbish are welcome in Austria!

Italian trains loaded with rubbish are welcome in Austria!

Italy has a huge waste problem, Austria have none due to the fact Austrians care for their country, Italians generally do not! Many Italians believe once they open plastic packaging and devour the contents, it is then that their responsibility ends,...
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Funny story: Bicette strike multi-billion deal in China after beards are banned!

Bicette strike multi-billion deal in China after beards are banned!

The Chinese government has banned men wearing beards in the province of Xinjiang! Also, women wearing veils have been banned too, and the streets are looking pretty empty! However, detecting a superb possibility to expand their global operations,...
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Funny story: Canada Wants to Join the European Union

Canada Wants to Join the European Union

Ottawa, Canada Canadian officials today confirmed that they are reaching out to the European Union in an effort to join. "We think there is probably a big vacancy in the EU what with Brexit and all, aye!" spoke a Canadian official. "Aye, and w...
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Funny story: An American airline (clever that one) ejects mum, baby and pram onto the emergency chute!

An American airline (clever that one) ejects mum, baby and pram onto the emergency chute!

It seems that US airlines are "united" in their policies of dealing with unruly passengers, and in this day and age of smartphones they are being exposed. A baby and its mum attempted to enter the plane but the pram seemed to be causing quite a de...
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Funny story: North Korea threatens to nuke Australia

North Korea threatens to nuke Australia

Chubby despot Kim Jong Un has threatened to fire nuclear weapons at Australia, after the Aussie Prime Minister said he would "stand by the US like a mate at a barbie". The North Korean leader may not have missiles that can reach the US, but Australia...
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Funny story: Neighbors Get Restraining Order To Stop Woman From Eating Beans

Neighbors Get Restraining Order To Stop Woman From Eating Beans

A family in Higginsbern have successfully obtained a restraining order that prevents their neighbor from eating beans. Inger Clifton said she and her family had complained about a gas smell since moving in to the apartment above Flo Pyroclastopis'...
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Funny story: Hollyweird's Hottest: Chelsea Handler

Hollyweird's Hottest: Chelsea Handler

Aging comedienne Chelsea ("Man") Handler was born to the lovely Rita, meter maid, and Seymour, a used car salesman, while they were living in sin in Livingston, New Joisey. As a child, Handler says she felt like an "impostor." All her high school friends drove a Porsche or a Lamborghini, but she "went to school in a BMW." Her father was a Jew, her mother a Mormon, so, naturally, Handler was rai...
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Funny story: President Trump and First Daughter Ivanka to Trade Jobs

President Trump and First Daughter Ivanka to Trade Jobs

Washington, DC After Ivanka Trump's decision to bomb Syria following their poison gas attack, President Trump realized it was the first good press he had ever gotten. So he realized that Ivanka would do better. It was decided that since Ivanka wou...
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Funny story: United Airlines CEO vows "never again"

United Airlines CEO vows "never again"

THUG CITY, IL ---- Following what he described as a "thorough review" of his flight crew's use of police to drag Kentucky medical doctor David Tao off an "overbooked" flight to prevent him from tending to his patients the next morning (and to replace...
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Funny story: Chinese police crack sperm smuggling ring

Chinese police crack sperm smuggling ring

Police in China have seized three gallons of sperm in an operation to stop a gang of smugglers. It is the largest ever haul of the expensive fluid, and will surely not be the last in a bizarre underworld industry which is currently booming. Sperm...
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Funny story: Jeremy Corbyn reveals election plan

Jeremy Corbyn reveals election plan

Labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn has revealed his plan for the 2017 general election, even though polls show that he has almost no chance of victory. He will wear a red pointy hat and boots, and sit on a giant toadstool in his front garden with a fi...
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Funny story: Trump planning "Trail of Tears Like None Other"

Trump planning "Trail of Tears Like None Other"

After admiring the portrait of the 7th president, Andrew Jackson, that he recently installed in the oval office, Donald Trump proceeded to outline plans on getting rid of illegal aliens by a humiliating and heartbreaking redux of Jacksons "Trail of T...
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Funny story: Congress Passes Fetal Gun Rights Bill

Congress Passes Fetal Gun Rights Bill

Amid much controversy the Fetal Universal Gun and Ammo Rights bill (FUGAR) squeaked through the house and is now on it's way to the US Senate. Congressman Evan Jenkins of West Virginia (R-NRA-DNA) touted the bill as a win/win after the historic co...
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Funny story: Trump Strikes Historic Trade Agreement: U.S. Will Ship Our Unemployed Workers to China

Trump Strikes Historic Trade Agreement: U.S. Will Ship Our Unemployed Workers to China

Washington D.C. (New York Times) In what is being called an unprecedented trade agreement, U.S. president Donald Trump has struck a deal with China in which the U.S. will ship unemployed U.S. workers to China in exchange for trademarks being grante...
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Funny story: "Jesus And His Disciples Were Scottish", Claims Historian

"Jesus And His Disciples Were Scottish", Claims Historian

A leading amateur historian has astonished the world of amateur history by claiming that Jesus of Nazareth and his Disciples were Scottish, writes Religion Correspondent, Mary Mag Delaney. Jock McSporran of Lossiemouth, for it is he, made the asto...
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Funny story: Pollsters Predict Catastrophic UK General Election Defeat For Conservatives

Pollsters Predict Catastrophic UK General Election Defeat For Conservatives

UK polling organisations have today published their predictions for the June 8th UK General Election. They forecast unanimously that the Conservatives will suffer a crushing defeat, losing their majority in parliament. The pollsters have furthe...
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Funny story: Opportunities opened up by Brexit "include slave trade"

Opportunities opened up by Brexit "include slave trade"

For centuries, Britain played a leading role in transporting slaves to the New World, a trade which enriched the country greatly. Thanks to Brexit, the industry could return to the UK to give the country a nostalgic glow and an economic boost - accor...
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Funny story: Pay and display on M60

Pay and display on M60

A pay and display scheme is to be introduced on the M60, a spokesman said today. "If people are going to spend hours and hours sitting in their stationary cars on prime Manc real estate, it seems obvious to me that they should pay for it." Said 'H...
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Funny story: Reverse Autism Shaming--How Barron Trump Landed a White House Job

Reverse Autism Shaming--How Barron Trump Landed a White House Job

Forget the power struggle between Steve Bannon and Jared Kushner. Even Ivanka Trump has little sway with her dad, the POTUS. Those in the know say eleven year old Barron Trump is the real juice behind the throne in the Trump White House. David Cor...
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Funny story: Explosive Endings For Mrs Ling

Explosive Endings For Mrs Ling

Ginny Ling (aged 89) was a toilet cleaner, originally from Hong Kong in China. She has officially made history. At around 11:59 last night; Mrs Ling was the first human woman to give birth to an animal. She and her 20-year old Macedonian boyfrien...
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Funny story: Donald Trump's Wagging Dogs

Donald Trump's Wagging Dogs

While attempting to recreate President Obama's White House situation room during the Bin Ladin raid, Donald Trump looked silly sitting in a low chair, (like Obama) placed at the end of the conference table, (like Obama) surrounded by Trump staff memb...
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Funny story: Jared Kushner named Secretary of Everything

Jared Kushner named Secretary of Everything

After almost every other staff member of President Trump's (brief pause to vomit) administration has either royally screwed up or committed outright treason, The Donald's son-in-law has been announced as "Secretary of Everything". "We trust Jare...
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Funny story: Trump claims Obama flew one of the 9/11 jets

Trump claims Obama flew one of the 9/11 jets

In another late-night tweet, US President Trump has sensationally claimed that former President Obama was responsible for piloting one of the planes that crashed into the twin towers in New York on September 11th, 2001. It is the latest in a series o...
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