There were 114 spoof news stories published in August 2015. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: "Stop the Silly Yakking" Babies Advise Grownups

"Stop the Silly Yakking" Babies Advise Grownups

Observed by a reporter who understands baby talk, babies at a Day Care Center had a lot to say about what annoyed them about how adults speak. Here are a few direct quotes (as recorded by the reporter) from a number of different babies in the pack: -- "I hate it when my mom and dad use that silly baby talk with me. Y'know, 'Goo goo, ga ga, coochie, coochie, coo.' Ridiculous! Why don't they gro...
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Funny story: Beloved Dentist Mauled To Death By Lion

Beloved Dentist Mauled To Death By Lion

Brian, the dentist, is dead, killed by a hungry lion in Florida, who escaped from Miami Zoo earlier this morning according to authorities. Brian was part of an Oxford University research project, which tracked the movements of dentists across the...
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Funny story: How come the illegal drug market never crashes?

How come the illegal drug market never crashes?

1. Junkies are smarter than brokers. 2. The illegal drug market is protected by American law enforcement. Barney Frank patrols Wall Street. 3. Pull over. I think your tail light is out. 4. The illegal drug emarket is protected by politicians who get rich on bribes. 5. Assume the position. 6. People don't realize that prohibition puts the profitability into trafficking drugs. In othe...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Tricks Mexican Kids Into Taking A Ride On His Helicopter & Drops Them In Tijuana

Donald Trump Tricks Mexican Kids Into Taking A Ride On His Helicopter & Drops Them In Tijuana

A helicopter landed just after noon on Saturday in Iowa, causing a short but violent windstorm. Grown men shivered; babies cried. Dust swirled up from the parking lot, stinging and burning the eyes of the innocent onlookers. The pilot cut the engines...
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Funny story: Bernie Sanders Teams Up with Colonel Sanders

Bernie Sanders Teams Up with Colonel Sanders

KFC has announced that all of its 7 Vermont locations will now feature Bernie Sanders cookbook recipes mixed with Colonel Sanders' old favorites. New menu items include: Karl Marx progressive Jewish commie chicken patties, grilled Hillary extr...
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Funny story: Top Executive Quits Million Dollar Job to Open Up Neighborhood Lemonade Stand

Top Executive Quits Million Dollar Job to Open Up Neighborhood Lemonade Stand

With the help of his six-year old daughter, Neil Q. Pattison, CEO of OpenSecurity, the latest up and coming software company out of Silicon Valley, quit his high-paying job and opened up a neighborhood lemonade stand. "Now my daughter Leila is t...
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Funny story: Blue Balls Creamey Introduces Second New Ice Cream Flavor

Blue Balls Creamey Introduces Second New Ice Cream Flavor

BRENHAM, TX - Blue Balls Creamery has released the name of the second flavor to be released when the ice cream goes back on store shelves: Mysteria. On Monday, the company said that Salmavilla was also going to be released. Blue Balls ice cream...
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Funny story: Edinburgh Fringe Festival to change it's name to "Posh White People Do Comedy Festival"

Edinburgh Fringe Festival to change it's name to "Posh White People Do Comedy Festival"

The Edinburgh Comedy Fridge is the most prolific comedy festival in the UK and is the world's largest arts festival. Many performers and comedians usually are expected to pay up to as much as £6000 to put on a show at the Fringe Festival and despite...
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Funny story: Hillary Tells Obama To Call Off FBI Or She Will Reveal His Kenyan Birth Certificate

Hillary Tells Obama To Call Off FBI Or She Will Reveal His Kenyan Birth Certificate

BILLINGSGATE POST: We're now officially talking "HARDBALL." In an interview with Chris Matthews on MSNBC, Hillary Clinton was asked by the fast talking loudmouth if there was anything she could do to stop the FBI from breaking down her private serve...
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Funny story: Man in the moon?!

Man in the moon?!

A photo taken from Google Moon claims to have captured the fossilized face of an ancient man, alien - or even that of an ancient statue. But NASA says that is probably not the case. Facebook user, Johnathon Mathin posted a photo of the find mad...
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Funny story: Study raises concerns about rising dentist bone trade for traditional medicine in parts of Asia

Study raises concerns about rising dentist bone trade for traditional medicine in parts of Asia

FLORIDA - Authorities are warning of a new potential threat to America's dentist population: The increasing use of dentist's bones to replace lion bones in traditional medicine in parts of Asia. The dentist bone trade, which has surged this year,...
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Funny story: Rex Ryan Behind IK Enemkpali Breaking Geno Smith's Jaw

Rex Ryan Behind IK Enemkpali Breaking Geno Smith's Jaw

It appears that there is more to the story of IK Enemkpali breaking Geno Smith's jaw than we were first led to believe. Sources originally reported that the linebacker had "sucker-punched" Smith over $600 that the Jet's quarterback had owed him. The...
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Funny story: Kim Kardashian (who?) swallowed pills on TV!

Kim Kardashian (who?) swallowed pills on TV!

A young lady, not her father, called Kim Kardashian (Before we continue can someone explain to the world what she has actually done to become so famous? Answers to Jaggedone's CIA 'Cockroach Infiltration Army' HQ and the winner will receive a copy of...
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Funny story: Overdressed Man Accidentally Walks Into Walmart

Overdressed Man Accidentally Walks Into Walmart

When 38-year old Jeff O'Mairs went to Walmart last Sunday afternoon overdressed, repercussions were severe. A blast of Facebook rants and Instagram photos of him shopping while wearing a suit in the paper goods aisle went viral. The perpetrator...
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Funny story: Trump Hires Godzilla To Patrol Mexican Border

Trump Hires Godzilla To Patrol Mexican Border

Presidential Candidate Donald Trump released his Mexican Border Protection Plan today. "I have obtained an exclusive 50 year employment contract with Godzilla. He will patrol the entire Mexican border,where he will literally stomp out illegal aliens"...
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Funny story: Alzheimers sufferers forget to take their medicine

Alzheimers sufferers forget to take their medicine

On a global scale, Alzheimers sufferers are forgetting to take their medication. "Cures based on remembering to take tablets are doomed to failure" said sufferer Arthur, who wishes to remain anonymous because he can't remember his surname. "It doesn'...
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Funny story: Local Thunder-Thighs Wreak Havoc on Townspeople

Local Thunder-Thighs Wreak Havoc on Townspeople

With the peak of the summer season, the heat and humidity have locals concerned about the effect that local thunder-thighs have on the well-being of their neighborhood. As shorts get shorter, and tops become more cropped, it leaves much more room fo...
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Funny story: Target Continues Its Nonsensical Non-Labelling

Target Continues Its Nonsensical Non-Labelling

In its sweep of non-labelling, Target turned the tables on fruit lovers. Not wanting to offend anyone, its fruits, fresh or packaged, will now be thrown into a large bin and with signage: Fruit Flavored Stuff. "If you want a lime for your Coron...
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Funny story: Liberty University Patents New Psychiatric Medication

Liberty University Patents New Psychiatric Medication

The faculty of neuroscience at Liberty University has just received a patent for a new psychiatric medication called "Inspiron", which promises to enhance the spirituality of mental patients. Research chair Samuel Isaiah explained to reporters tha...
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Funny story: Hubble Telescope Finds Kim Kardashian shaped meteorite

Hubble Telescope Finds Kim Kardashian shaped meteorite

The Hubble Telescope has identified a shiny, curvaceous new meteorite circling our solar system. Named KK-36-26-42 by NASA, the discovery has scientists excited, if not a little over-excited. Spokesman Elmo Seaman explained. "This is a very unusu...
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Funny story: The Republican Party Rewrites the Constitution

The Republican Party Rewrites the Constitution

WASHINGTON, D.C.-The Republican Party, responding to the powerful Tea Party faction of its base (which assures the GOP establishment that it knows the original intent of the founding fathers even more than the founders themselves could have known it...
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Funny story: Trump Confuses "Guantanamo" With "Guacamole" - Blames Mexicans for Torture

Trump Confuses "Guantanamo" With "Guacamole" - Blames Mexicans for Torture

Donald Trump this morning blamed Mexicans for any torture that occurred at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, saying that "since Mexicans brought that nasty green guantanamo dip with them when they illegally crossed the border into Cuba, they've been force-feedin...
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Funny story: Stock Market Volatility forces CEO to consider giving up "Wednesday Home"

Stock Market Volatility forces CEO to consider giving up "Wednesday Home"

With China's market crash having an effect on the US Stock Exchange even the wealthiest of "1%" are feeling the pinch. Take, for example, Jeffrey Van Thornhurst, CEO of Takyour Financial Inc. who has felt a very direct personal impact due to the mon...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Is Creating A New Political Vocabulary

Donald Trump Is Creating A New Political Vocabulary

New York -- Presidential hopeful Donald Trump is changing the way America talks and thinks about presidential politics. New words and phrases are continually popping up on the campaign trail. They are being generated by the candidate himself as well...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Sports Hitler Haircut

Donald Trump Sports Hitler Haircut

Attendees at a recent Republican debate were surprised to see Donald Trump sporting a "Hitler" haircut, complete with a toothbrush mustache tattooed onto his upper lip. Before the words "Definite improvement" or "Accurate reflection of the man's id...
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Funny story: New App Will Call a Party-Goer to Crack Your Smart Phone Screen in Authentically "Cool" Manner

New App Will Call a Party-Goer to Crack Your Smart Phone Screen in Authentically "Cool" Manner

New York, NY- Today, the new "CrackIt" app was officially launched to much fanfare, it's an app that provides users a "socially legitimate phone screen crack" on-demand. The app was bolstered by an impressive $2 million dollar seed funding round, led...
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Funny story: Queen Elizabeth Denounces Canadian Citizenship

Queen Elizabeth Denounces Canadian Citizenship

BUCKINGHAM PALACE - Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II held a press conference today denouncing her Canadian citizenship. "I was born in the United Kingdom and lived exclusively in the United Kingdom. There have been trips across the pond. bu...
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Funny story: Putin wins Stalin Truth Award

Putin wins Stalin Truth Award

Vladimir Putin has been granted Russia's most prestigious civil award, the Stalin Truth Award. The Stalin Truth Award recognises Russians who most consistently don't tell the truth. The Award Panel, coincidentally comprising 7 members of Mr Putin's f...
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Funny story: Donald Trump unveils his plan to become President either side of the border

Donald Trump unveils his plan to become President either side of the border

Using his immense persuasive powers and a couple of spare billion dollars,  Donald Trump has embarked to become President of either Mexico or the US this decade. Trump explained at a press conference this morning. "The way I see it, it doesn't  ma...
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Funny story: Guy Who Claims to Have Multiple Personalities Really Just a Lying Creep with a Boring Life

Guy Who Claims to Have Multiple Personalities Really Just a Lying Creep with a Boring Life

Do you have a colleague who always tells you about the crazy-fun weekend he had, when all you can do is think about how you were home alone in a snuggie watching Netflix? You know, the guy who talks about how he took a last-minute flight to Miami...
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Funny story: Donald Trump's Hair selected as Donald Trump's Running Mate

Donald Trump's Hair selected as Donald Trump's Running Mate

Donald Trump's inexplicable hair has decided to put its notoriety to good use, and ride that exposure to the second highest seat in the land. Donald Trump has declared that, "The only thing on the planet audacious enough to meet my Vice Presidential...
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Funny story: Obama and Kim Jong-Un Phone Call

Obama and Kim Jong-Un Phone Call

Last Fall, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un became enraged with the United States due to the upcoming release of the movie "The Interview." It has long been rumored that the dictator personally called President Obama to express his outrage, but until now the details of their conversation have never been revealed. Thanks to a secret North Korean source we are now able to publish a transcri...
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Funny story: Chelsea Players Asked Not To Dive During Man City Match

Chelsea Players Asked Not To Dive During Man City Match

Chelsea players have been implored not to dive during their head to head with Manchester City, due to a lack of medical staff on their bench. After Jose Mourinho's bizarre sending off of his medical team, it has left the London side facing a diffi...
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Funny story: John Wick II Is Coming

John Wick II Is Coming

Knowing they have a hit on their hands with John Wick, John Wick II is presently in the delivery room. John Wick II opens with a Fed Ex mid-night delivery of a pet carrier. Unlike John Wick I, John Wick II remembers to return the delivery lady her pe...
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Funny story: 'Donald Trump is real' says Trump's toupee

'Donald Trump is real' says Trump's toupee

Donald Trump's toupee has insisted in a recent press conference that Donald Trump is, in fact, a real person. 'Many people seem to think he's a comedy character or even a figment of their imagination' said the toupee, 'but he's actually real and...
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Funny story: ISIS announces extreme adventure holidays in Jihadiland

ISIS announces extreme adventure holidays in Jihadiland

In a bid to get hold of Western currency, ISIS has opened a holiday resort in Iraq promising unique extreme holiday experiences. Called Jihadiland, and built using rubble from several dynamited antiquities,the new facility has already attracted 4...
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Funny story: The Curse of the Addictive Potato Chips Has Taken Hold of Mom

The Curse of the Addictive Potato Chips Has Taken Hold of Mom

Unable to stop eating, local Mom Barbara Givens tried to pass a bowl of addictive potato chips to her son, Brad. "Here, Brad, these are really good. You should try some," Barbara said without a hint of panic, knowing that her son's reply could det...
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Funny story: Eddie Salazar Of Double Lined Minority Confirmed Nose Fetishist: 3 Dead

Eddie Salazar Of Double Lined Minority Confirmed Nose Fetishist: 3 Dead

Eddie Salazar, vocalist for Gold Coast pop punk band Double Lined Minority went on a Facebook rant today about his immense love for the nose. Claiming he loves when they are quote "on point". Double Lined Minority has recently toured with confirm...
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Funny story: Emotional-Support Animals up 279%

Emotional-Support Animals up 279%

The percentage of applications for emotional-support animals among pets have gone up 279% from 2011, according to the latest pretty and glittery graph on the internet. "We have seen an increase in emotional-support animals among pet travelers," r...
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Funny story: Teenager threatened to burn Santa Claus' house down and knife his elves because he got him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas

Teenager threatened to burn Santa Claus' house down and knife his elves because he got him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas

An 18-year-old British teenager threatened to burn down Santa Claus' home and knife his elves after he gave him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas. Jake Wilder travelled to the North Pole armed with a kitchen knife, screaming at Santa 'I'll...
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Funny story: Lion Comes Under Scrutiny for Unfair Hunting Practices

Lion Comes Under Scrutiny for Unfair Hunting Practices

King Reximus Purfectus, a native lion of Zimbabwe, has recently come under heavy scrutiny for what has been described as "unfair hunting procedures". King Rex, as he is know by the locals, has been accused of luring unsuspecting American hunters wit...
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Funny story: 19-year old Colorado Man Irate that July's Blue Moon was White

19-year old Colorado Man Irate that July's Blue Moon was White

Angry 19-year old Duncan "Kev" Calburn, 19, has been blowing up the switchboard at NASA's headquarters, first by leaving demanding voicemails wanting an answer, and then simply by hanging up. The FBI reports that, to date, there have been 542 documen...
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Funny story: Trump Announces He's an Atheist Who Eats Pâté Made from the Livers of Unborn Fetuses; His Poll Numbers Soar

Trump Announces He's an Atheist Who Eats Pâté Made from the Livers of Unborn Fetuses; His Poll Numbers Soar

MACON, GA-At a campaign event held last Wednesday at Trump Arena in Macon, GA, Donald Trump announced that he is an atheist who often dines on pâté made from the livers of unborn fetuses. Political pundits following Trump's comments at his campaign e...
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Funny story: Jesus Is A Sellout, Says God

Jesus Is A Sellout, Says God

God, The Almighty, sensationally slammed his own son yesterday, labelling him a 'sellout'. The omnipotent Supreme Being was talking at the 'Save The Church Bell' committee meeting in Farnborough, when he made the shock statement. Asked if Jesus...
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Funny story: Man sentenced to treadmill after eating doughnuts before lunch

Man sentenced to treadmill after eating doughnuts before lunch

A man who ate doughnuts before having lunch has appeared before Bolton Crown Court to be sentenced. Twisted Luke Smith, of Sharnford Close, Bolton, indulged in the sugary delights on Friday 15th May 2015 just before lunch time. The 21-year-old...
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Funny story: Trump Will Drop BOMB In Debate: Ayatollah Khamenei Holds Obama's Kenyan Birth Certifcate

Trump Will Drop BOMB In Debate: Ayatollah Khamenei Holds Obama's Kenyan Birth Certifcate

BILLINGSGATE POST: Sources close to Donald Trump advised FOX NEWS to be prepared for total chaos tonight. BILLINGSGATE crack investigative reporter, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detrich, was told that the Supreme Leader of Iran, Ayatollah Khamenei, called...
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Funny story: Amish Man Banned For Inappropriate Hat Choice

Amish Man Banned For Inappropriate Hat Choice

Forced to leave the only world he knew behind, Joseph Schullermann was banished from his Amish community after he was caught sporting an unsanctioned non-traditional type hat. When asked about his blatant disregard for the rules of his brethren,...
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Funny story: English Premier League kicks off with a hangover!

English Premier League kicks off with a hangover!

After months of waiting, starving and going insane watching repeats of Eastenders, at last the English Premier League kicks into action once again! Lineker has followed the bucks, which has left the Beeb having to search for a new sonny boy. T...
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Funny story: Cougar Scandal!

Cougar Scandal!

BRANDON, MB-Local college boy Brent Simmons admitted Monday that the true identity of the woman he calls his mother, one Shirley Simmons, is actually his 45 year old mistress; a cougar named Diamond Foulfish. The relationship according to Simmons,...
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Funny story: Teenager lends laptop he used for masturbation 10 minutes earlier to mother

Teenager lends laptop he used for masturbation 10 minutes earlier to mother

CLEVELAND, OH--Hoping for the best, local teenager Nate Bannington handed his laptop computer--which he had used 10 minutes earlier for masturbation--to his mother, Dorothy Bannington. "I just got back from school and I had some free time on my h...
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Funny story: Help, please for the love of god, somebody help me

Help, please for the love of god, somebody help me

By Donald Trump Let me be frank. I don't want to be President. I never did. Someone very powerful offered me 20 million dollars to run a campaign and I couldn't refuse that offer. Now they're not letting me back out and I am regretting it immensely. I'm trying to sabotage my campaign and you keep voting for me in the polls. Stop it! Just stop it already! I've had enough! What more do I need...
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Funny story: Donald Duck to Donald Trump: Withdraw or I Will Change My Name!

Donald Duck to Donald Trump: Withdraw or I Will Change My Name!

Disney World Bar and Grill - Somewhere in the bowels of underground labyrinth at Disney World the now retired Donald Duck held court today at his favorite Classic Cartoons Only Bar and Grill. There along with the likes of Mickey Mouse, Cheshire Cat,...
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Funny story: Twitter Erupts In Fury Over Something Or Other

Twitter Erupts In Fury Over Something Or Other

Twitter users were in uproar over something last night. Someone said something about someone, or something, and Twitter was immediately outraged. Users of the social media giant vented their fury about the incident, some using several consecut...
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Funny story: Kentucky man digs up his father's grave to argue with the corpse

Kentucky man digs up his father's grave to argue with the corpse

SANFORD Ky - Michael May, 44, was discovered by Sanford police digging up his father's grave in a cemetery on Monday night, Aug. 17. May told the arresting officer that he was trying to exhume daddy so he could argue with him. May was charged with violating graves, public intoxication and marijuana possession and was expeditiously locked up in the Lincoln County Jail. What a fucking weirdo.
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Funny story: 1988: A Mock Epic for Two Parties

1988: A Mock Epic for Two Parties

1988: A Mock Epic for Two Parties "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy." Michael Dukakis to Diane Sawyer, 1988. Election night and I turn on Democracy on CNN. Proclaim, O Muse, how it turned out We ended up with such a rout. Was sleaze this year inordinate Or do our noses swim in stink? So that we can't tell gold from brass Or how George Bush could be so crass. The Hero of my...
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Funny story: The News (Really) Bytes - July 2015

The News (Really) Bytes - July 2015

Buddhists show their deep belief in the teachings of their saint- Buddha- by murdering and repressing the ethnic Muslims in Myanmar. Turkey, coming to the aid of the U.S. and other nations battling Isis in the Middle-east decide to drop a few bomb...
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Funny story: President Obama's Missing Passport

President Obama's Missing Passport

Seems that President Obama was all set to board Air Force One when an official from the TSA Department at Andrew's Air Force Base stopped him before climbing the steps. The official wanted to check his Passport. Obama said he didn't have one. He expl...
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Funny story: Freedom at Last for Americans

Freedom at Last for Americans

Extra Legislation to Protect 'Freedom'. Washington: Congress has passed new bills under instructions from Emperor Barack Obama to protect what he calls "citizens' inviolable freedoms". What does it mean? Well,... as a reward for giving up on their Freedom of Speech upon which America's 'democracy' is founded, American sheeple can now have their innate freedoms legally protected. They are...
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Funny story: Horror: Man Puts Two Sugars In Wife's Coffee

Horror: Man Puts Two Sugars In Wife's Coffee

A sussex man was in shock last night after admitting to police that he had put two sugars in his wife's coffee. The unnamed man, Brian Talbot (53), told officers the incident occurred at around half past nine, when his wife Vera asked him to be a...
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Funny story: U.S. Citizens To Be Used As Anti-Terrorist Sentries Around Europe

U.S. Citizens To Be Used As Anti-Terrorist Sentries Around Europe

French President Francois Hollande today thanked three U.S. citizens for their brave intervention on a packed Subway train after their actions thwarted a heavily armed terrorist and undoubtedly saved dozens of innocent lives. Mr Hollande wasted no...
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Funny story: Corbyn The Shocking "Truth"

Corbyn The Shocking "Truth"

Shocking We can reveal today the shocking truth about Labour contender Jeremy Corbyn. We can disclose the nature of those he calls his friends. We know the sort of food he eats - this will be difficult to digest! Corbyn once addressed a rall...
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Funny story: Corbyn calls for Dolphin Expulsion

Corbyn calls for Dolphin Expulsion

Labour leadership frontrunner Jeremy Corbyn has called for all Dolphins in British water parks to be expelled from the country, after a Palestinian group accused Israel of using trained Dolphins to spy on them. Mr Corbyn said in a speech to suppo...
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Funny story: Why Does the Chicken Cross the Road? To Get Her New Leg!

Why Does the Chicken Cross the Road? To Get Her New Leg!

The countryside was bright at the crack of dawn and the cluck-clucking of the yard's twenty chickens sounded welcoming. Henrietta, the now famous chicken, also lived in this small farm house in rural Franklin, Texas. She clucked with the best of them and was obviously a leg up above the others. The reason? Henrietta had a new artificial leg. Henrietta the pet chicken received her $2,500...
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Funny story: France To Build Bridge to the UK

France To Build Bridge to the UK

The French Government in a gesture of friendship for Britain are to construct an enormous bridge between Calais and Dover. Ironically it is expected that the massive construction will be in place before Britain votes to leave the European communit...
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Funny story: Satirical News Writers Struggle to Create Exaggerated Headlines Concerning Donald Trump

Satirical News Writers Struggle to Create Exaggerated Headlines Concerning Donald Trump

Hollywood, CA and Planet Zorbion- A group of satirical news writers have expressed utter frustration in coming up with hyperbole-filled headlines and stories concerning Donald Trump. A 20-year veteran of the field, Mark Wadink, complained, "Any t...
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Funny story: Obama Kills Superman

Obama Kills Superman

It was a sad day for Superman fans to discover that their shiny spandex wearing hero is not so super after all. It turns out the man of steel has a few imperfections which all serve to prove without a doubt that the famed hero from Krypton is nothing...
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Funny story: We do like to be beside the seaside.

We do like to be beside the seaside.

Sucking on her fifth Black Russian, both literally and metaphorically, WPC Fiona McCracken got unsteadily off her knee's, re-positioned herself on the bar stool and waving goodbye to her hunky donor Dimitri, began to narrate how she had ended up sh...
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Funny story: Corbyn plans National Uniform

Corbyn plans National Uniform

Following on from his announcement that women only trains be run, to stop women being molested, Labour leadership frontrunner has gone further by suggesting that all people wear a simple garment that is both loose and unflattering to stop any sort of...
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Funny story: God's Office

God's Office

God's Office (1-800-GR8 1) Cherubic voices singing "We are the World," followed by . . . You have reached the offices of God. Para continuar en Espanol, oprimes dos. Our office hours are from 0000 to infinity, Zulu time. After you hear the music of the spheres, please leave your message. No need to leave your name or contact information. We know it. Before you leave your message, please...
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Funny story: Hail Caesar! - On the plight of Illegals

Hail Caesar! - On the plight of Illegals

[AT A PRESS CONFERENCE IN IOWA] . . . and the third part of my plan to stop illegal immigration involves the erection of a new stadium on the U.S. - Mexican border. It'll be called the Trump Coliseum, and it'll have a separate entrance for those people who own one of the condos that will be included there as a part of the complex, as well as a multiplex theater, at least two three star restauran...
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Funny story: God save the blond

God save the blond

Warfare has been man's prime idiocy ever since he came to existence. He fought for food, water and pasture; now, fights for petroleum, minerals and markets. Religions have provided esprit de corps to achieve these goals. However, we read in literature, that many men have died in pursuit of sex. Therefore, we may add sex as an impulse to engage in fighting. Nevertheless, nature or whatever uses...
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Funny story: Corbyn to Exhume Thatcher

Corbyn to Exhume Thatcher

Labour Leadership frontrunner Jeremy Corbyn today told supporters that were he to be elected Prime Minister he would exhume the body of Margaret Thatcher and place it on trial for her crimes and expunging her premiership from history. "First I wi...
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Funny story: Kim Jong-un buys Prince Charles' ears

Kim Jong-un buys Prince Charles' ears

Kim Jong-un, aka Kim Fook Yall, Supreme Leader of the of the Extremely Happy Dream Paradise Thin People's Republic of Korea, Chairman of the Rapidly Disappearing Central Military Commission, World Champion Kids Slide Rider and Undisputed World Heavy...
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Funny story: "It's reality Jim, but not as we know it!"

"It's reality Jim, but not as we know it!"

In keeping with its 'right on' left wing stance and cheap programming, the BBC has announced it is to broadcast a special edition of its flagship religious programme 'Songs of Praise' from a notorious Calais shithole migrant camp. Regular present...
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Funny story: Kim Jong-un Wins International Prize

Kim Jong-un Wins International Prize

North Korea's Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un is set to receive an award for being Earth's nicest inhabitant. The global community has recently announced that the North Korean leader has accepted the 'International Niceness' prize for his 'peace, just...
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Funny story: "Carpenter, you have spilled the whiskey!" Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Carpenter, you have spilled the whiskey!" Bang! Bang! Bang!

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. - Next summer's vacation season, if you visit Daytona Beach, you can stop by a gun range that's connected to a "booze-filled restaurant," do some target practice with your .44 magnum, get a bite to eat, and then you can do some sh...
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Funny story: California Law Makers Consider Taxating Gravity

California Law Makers Consider Taxating Gravity

Sacramento, CA: California residents were outraged a few years ago when a "rain tax" was under consideration, but then the clouds parted and the Golden State was blessed with a history making drought. Despite worrying whether or not showering will be...
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Funny story: Royal corgis victims of Rolf Harris

Royal corgis victims of Rolf Harris

A spokesman for Buckingham Palace has confirmed rumours circulating in London that the Royal corgis were amongst Rolf Harris' victims of sexual abuse. However rumours of a foursome involving the Duchess of Cornwell have been hotly denied by the Ro...
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Funny story: The Case Against Jesus...Find of the Century

The Case Against Jesus...Find of the Century

Archaeologists digging near Jerusalem have unearthed what could be the find of the century... a document purporting to list the actual charges made against Jesus Christ. Jesus was formally arraigned at the house of the High Priest Caiaphas before a gathering of Scribes and officials belonging to the Jerusalem Sanhedrin council. The list of indictments was read out to the defendant who made...
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Funny story: Top Benefit Scroungers Revealed

Top Benefit Scroungers Revealed

Channel 404 have produced a series of programmes on Benefit scroungers and they are among the richest and most powerful people in the country who are getting benefits for DOING NOTHING. Ace reporter for Channel 404, Jonathan Wilkes, described the...
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Funny story: My neighbor and friend Jacko gets diagnosed with Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

My neighbor and friend Jacko gets diagnosed with Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

My friend and neighbor Jacko stopped by the other day and told me that a doctor had just diagnosed him with Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. Now Jacko is so wild and weird that nothing he says or does is too far-fetched for me, but I must admit, I became a little concerned about this diagnosis. "What exactly is Alice in Wonderland Syndrome?" I asked him. "Well it all started with all these horr...
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Funny story: Australian Prime Minister thinks

Australian Prime Minister thinks

Australian Prime Minister Tony Abcess has been discovered thinking. His wife, Maggie Achin held a press conference this afternoon at their Struggle Street one-roomed unit. "G'day. I got some news for yous. I know Tony likes to give out knighthood...
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Funny story: Male bias in building mens' toilets discovered

Male bias in building mens' toilets discovered

Following revelations from Dutch researchers that office thermostats are set based on the metabolism of a 40 year old 154 pound man (called Stan) and his pet gorilla called Eric, lesbian researchers in Reykjavik have made another startling discovery. Extensive research shows that male toilets throughout the world have been designed with the needs of males of all ages in mind with total disregar...
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Funny story: On the problem of choosing how and where to drop a stink pickle

On the problem of choosing how and where to drop a stink pickle

Niagara Falls, NY - Attempts to avoid colleagues in professional settings is an all too familiar practice. Have you ever gone to a different floor of your office building to drop a bomb? What about having the turtle's head poking out but preventing M...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Thanks Satire Media for Gifting Him 2016 Election

Donald Trump Thanks Satire Media for Gifting Him 2016 Election

Hey! Listen up, you poor, miserable, deluded little satire writers. You guys thought you could make fun of the old Trump here, you thought I was just like all the other guys, right? Yeah, I know what you guys do. I know your style. You did it to Clinton. You did to Bush. You're doing it to Obama. And somehow, you poor, pitiful little satire scribblers and jaded comedy jacks thought you cou...
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Funny story: Trump To Name Dr. Ben Carson As Personal Brain Surgeon: Carly As Hat Check Girl

Trump To Name Dr. Ben Carson As Personal Brain Surgeon: Carly As Hat Check Girl

BILLINGSGATE POST: Confident that he will win the Republican nomination and be elected president, Donald Trump revealed that he has already contacted Dr. Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina about joining his cabinet. Trump said that he was so impressed...
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Funny story: Cowell invites Michael Jackson to X-Factor Judging Panel

Cowell invites Michael Jackson to X-Factor Judging Panel

In the last throw to flog a dead corpse, an aloof newspaper has reported that Simon Cowell has hired a medium in order to get Michael Jackson on to his Saturday night warble a-thon. Cowell has summoned famous medium, Hearty O'Flower to start discu...
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Funny story: Trump: I Didn't Say Megyn Kelly Has "Ramshackle Ovaries And Clapboard Breasts"

Trump: I Didn't Say Megyn Kelly Has "Ramshackle Ovaries And Clapboard Breasts"

BILLINGSGATE POST: Yesterday on Meet the Press, Chuck Todd asked Donald Trump if he had doubled down on Megyn Kelly when he suggested that the only thing wrong with Ms. Kelly was that the top of her head wasn't flat enough to rest a beer can on when...
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Funny story: Mexican Immigrants to Blame for Illness Outbreaks in the U.S.

Mexican Immigrants to Blame for Illness Outbreaks in the U.S.

It's no secret that the U.S. has been plagued with several illness outbreaks lately. The Ebola scare seems to be the first to come to mind, now the most recent, Legionnaire's in New York City, is dominating the news today. These are not the only on...
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Funny story: Trump card fails!

Trump card fails!

It seems though non-alcoholic, non-drug-taking, clean as a whistle, multi-billionaire candidate for the the US presidency, Herr Trump, has played his final ace and it floundered! Donald, a now dead duck, has said publicly that the US are bunch of...
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Funny story: Not in the AIA Guide

Not in the AIA Guide

Not in the AIA Guide The latest issue of the AIA Guide to New York City is out. As expected, it contains all the old favorites. But the recent work of one quasi-architect, this weekend's darling of the movers and shakers (not the Shakers), is not to be found in this "Classic Guide to New York's Architecture." The artiste, Leonard Reklame ("Rek") Kaufmann, variously known to the architecto...
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Funny story: An Irishman Foresees his Birth

An Irishman Foresees his Birth

Paddy O'Shea Remembers Being Born. Paddy O'Shea of no fixed address London decided to seek help for his alcohol addiction. He was referred to the Tony Blair Asylum for the Insanely Deluded where he underwent hypnotherapy in the course of which he was regressed to infancy and beyond. Paddy, to psychiatrist Dr. Theo Leonard's amazement was able to recount in vivid detail his life in the womb and...
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Funny story: Trumpenstein - The Horror The Republicans Created That Now Comes Back To Devour Them.

Trumpenstein - The Horror The Republicans Created That Now Comes Back To Devour Them.

A Rathskeller deep in the forested woods. Night has drawn its blackest curtain across the outer world, blocking out even the niggardly light from the stars. Rain hammers against the windows and lightning cackles in the air. A troupe of men with faces that seek the shadows meet in a corner booth away from the gazes of the other inn patrons. They speak in cautious whispers that they wish no other...
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Funny story: Holly Willoughby In Need Of Plumbing

Holly Willoughby In Need Of Plumbing

Holly Willoughby has admitted to needing urgent medical plumbing on her eyes, to stop a persistent leak that has been getting worse over the last few episodes of the revamped hit TV show 'Surprise, Surprise'. The seals around Holly's eyes have bec...
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Funny story: Trump's Epic Fantasy Wall: Speculation Intensifies On Tycoon's Creative Process

Trump's Epic Fantasy Wall: Speculation Intensifies On Tycoon's Creative Process

Donald Trump is facing intense public pressure to reveal the method of working behind his idea to build The Great Wall of The United States. Fresh allegations have surfaced that it could be based on at least one fantasy series. The border chasteni...
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Funny story: Dead Sewer Rat Out Polls Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden Against GOP Candidates!!

Dead Sewer Rat Out Polls Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden Against GOP Candidates!!

After Joe Biden's numbers against the GOP frontrunners shocked many for a man who has yet to make a speech, many thought the Democratic party would be satisfied. But to everyone's surprise in steps...er perhaps thrown in, a dead rat dubbed Ronald Rat...
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Funny story: Wile E. Coyote Claims Road Runner Is Hillary's Love Child With Anthony Weiner

Wile E. Coyote Claims Road Runner Is Hillary's Love Child With Anthony Weiner

BILLINGSGATE POST: This story has to be true, if only because of the striking resemblance between the Road Runner and his purported parents, Hillary Clinton and Anthony Weiner. Have some doubts? Just check out side-by-side photos of the three of th...
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Funny story: Cowards lose

Cowards lose

In the small hours, the battle cries of two stray large tomcats made sleep for the inhabitants really impossible. The cries were not regular meows; they were accompanied by accentuated words and expressions very similar to man's everyday conversation and, consequently, interpretable. Whether the fight was territorial dispute or sexual claims, could not be determined. Since the fighting had beco...
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Funny story: My old English Comp Professor Feducious T. Flynt is working on a S/F novel rooted in the world of real science

My old English Comp Professor Feducious T. Flynt is working on a S/F novel rooted in the world of real science

I ran into my old English Comp Professor Feducious T. Flynt at the mall the other day and he told me he quit teaching and was now going to be a science-fiction writer. "That's terrible. Absolutely atrocious. I feel so sorry for you, Feducious," I said. "No, no, no. It's wonderful. And I'm just about at the halfway point of my first novel," he said jubilantly. "I'm doing so well that I decide...
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Funny story: Trump Launches Reelection Campaign

Trump Launches Reelection Campaign

Billionaire businessman and presidential hopeful Donald Trump is not going to wait until the 2016 Presidential election to launch his reelection campaign. He figures starting now will give him a head start on the 2020 campaign and will make getting...
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