Funny story: Local Man Decides To Not Quit Smoking

Local Man Decides To Not Quit Smoking

Dan Riley, 31, of Madison, WI announced in a press conference today that he no longer intends to quit smoking, and that everyone can just kiss his ass. Lighting a cigarette, Riley explained his decision, "I really wanted to quit, too; not anymore. Oh...
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Funny story: Soon To Be Wedded Bliss This! - Kanye West & Kim Kardashian Plan To Make It Even More Officially Nauseating For Your Inspection

Soon To Be Wedded Bliss This! - Kanye West & Kim Kardashian Plan To Make It Even More Officially Nauseating For Your Inspection

HOLLYWOOD, USA - Talk about totally fit for the selfie-appointed king and queen from somewhere way, way the hell out there in beautiful downtown TotallyfullofUknowWhatVille! That's right, moms & dads & kids of all ages, and, oh yeah, any a...
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Funny story: Walmart acquires North Pole, outsources Santa to FedEx!

Walmart acquires North Pole, outsources Santa to FedEx!

In a dramatic press conference held this morning at the corporate headquarters of Walmart, Inc. in Bentonville, Arkansas, a spokesman for the corporation announced the acquisition of the North Pole and the transfer of all of its operations to Benton...
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Funny story: Tom Cruise has sense of smell removed; science says, "Smell is effeminate."

Tom Cruise has sense of smell removed; science says, "Smell is effeminate."

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Actor, producer, and World-renowned movie star Tom Cruise underwent a rare elective surgery last Thursday at Cedar Sinai in Los Angeles. Mr. Cruise had his sense of smell removed; this comes after the National Science Foundation m...
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Funny story: Cardinal Baloney Addresses Abortion and Contraception

Cardinal Baloney Addresses Abortion and Contraception

Catholic clergy and institutions have responded to the ACLU lawsuit against the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops over denial of "proper health care." The case involves a catholic hospital in Muskegon, which turned away a pregnant mother...
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Funny story: ......Carry on Christmas!

......Carry on Christmas!

With the release of ancient photos depicting her Royal Majesty, Queen Liz, prancing around in Pantomime gear circa 1941, younger members of the Royal menagerie have been pressing Liz for a repeat performance. Seemingly, having taken one look at th...
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Funny story: UK Giving Head to Political Pigs - Is the Political Pig in the Poke; Or the Prenuptial Poke in the Pig that Counts?

UK Giving Head to Political Pigs - Is the Political Pig in the Poke; Or the Prenuptial Poke in the Pig that Counts?

Following the recent visit by Prime Minister de Cameron to China it has now been revealed in the Media that UK Agrees a £45m Pig Semen Export Deal With China. It has been suggested by a Government source in China that they are so worried about the...
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Funny story: FOX News, the Christian Coalition Declare a December Offensive in the War Against Christmas

FOX News, the Christian Coalition Declare a December Offensive in the War Against Christmas

Bret Baier today grimly announced on FOX News that his network, aligned with the Christian Coalition, will launch a winter offensive in the third week of December in the ongoing War Against Christmas. Said Lt. General "Shep" Smith, who was being i...
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Funny story: Don't Wear That Bow Tie; It's Gay

Don't Wear That Bow Tie; It's Gay

I know you think wearing a bow tie makes you look intellectual, but it doesn't. It makes you look gay and you're going to end up getting your jaw broken by some guy who thinks you're giving men a bad image. And you can forget about getting laid. Women say they like that look, but they don't. They're yanking your chain. What they really want is for a man to dress like a man and not pretend he's al...
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Funny story: Welsh Soap Channel Ch6Cymru to make new Soap starring Kim Yong un

Welsh Soap Channel Ch6Cymru to make new Soap starring Kim Yong un

Wales's leading Soap writers have succesfully landed Kim Jong un for their latest in a string of depressing everyday adventures of cross Species Welsh language sex romps. Filming will start next week at Pehelfairrarbygogogoch. The fantastically u...
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Funny story: Most German comedians not funny says Benjamin Netanyahoo

Most German comedians not funny says Benjamin Netanyahoo

The nationalities of the 10 funniest comedians in the world are: 1) American 2) British 3) Israeli 4) Irish 5) Scottish 6) Vietnamese 7) Chinese 8) North Korean 9) Afghanistan 10) German This is according to exit polls at Jous...
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Funny story: High street German restaurants planned

High street German restaurants planned

Ever said "Its your birthday dear, shall we try to book a table at The Fat Cabbage" German Restaurant? Probably not, because German food has a reputation of being sausage and cabbage fart fodder. But now 100s more ways have been found of preparing...
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Funny story: Kim Jong Un Tells President Obama That He Would Like To Spend Christmas At The White House

Kim Jong Un Tells President Obama That He Would Like To Spend Christmas At The White House

PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy News Agency is reporting that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has sent a message to President Obama. The leader of North Korea has expressed a desire to visit America and spend the Christmas holidays at the...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Denies The Romantic Rumors Regarding Russell Brand

Sarah Palin Denies The Romantic Rumors Regarding Russell Brand

NEW YORK CITY - Sarah Palin flew out to New York City for an appeaarance on The View. She appeared on the show to quell the rampant rumors that started out on the Left Coast, made their way through the Midwest, and over to the Right Coast. Mrs.
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Funny story: Rhode Island Is Considering The Prohibiting of Motorcycle Traffic Between 1 PM and 8 AM

Rhode Island Is Considering The Prohibiting of Motorcycle Traffic Between 1 PM and 8 AM

PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island - The Rhode Island State Senate is currently debating the matter of restricting motorcycle traffic within the state. Senator Pearl P. Dafty [R-Providence] informed the news media that Rhode Island is basically a very nice,...
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Funny story: Trafford council to sue trees

Trafford council to sue trees

Trafford council, the place where Nazis go to retire, have issued a court summons to the trees in the borough for littering. "I woke up the other morning," said council leader, Joseph Gerbils, "and there was rubbish all over my nice clean streets.
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Funny story: A 3-Year-Old Portuguese Toddler Can Speak 29 Different Languages Fluently

A 3-Year-Old Portuguese Toddler Can Speak 29 Different Languages Fluently

MIRANDELA, Portugal - The Portuguese Children's Agency of Mirandela has just discovered what it is calling the most amazing 3-year-old in the world. Enrique Portello with the PCA stated that the young boy is named Alfredo Bernardo Zeferino and he...
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Funny story: Jennifer Lopez Addresses The Butt Reduction Skuttlebutt

Jennifer Lopez Addresses The Butt Reduction Skuttlebutt

NEW YORK CITY - J.Lo is used to hearing all kinds of rumors about just about every part of her body. She recently sat down with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors at a Pompous Pizza Parlor and talked about the fact that there is never a shortage of rumor...
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Funny story: Iowa Farmers Could Be Forced To Get Rid of Their Scarecrows

Iowa Farmers Could Be Forced To Get Rid of Their Scarecrows

IOWA CITY, Iowa - Many Iowa farmers are up in arms at the announcement that the state may be in the process of outlawing the use of scarecrows on all Iowa farms. A clerk in the governor's office informed reporters for three of Iowa's largest newsp...
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Funny story: Chicharito Proud That Cheryl Cole Will Be Appearing In The February Issue of Playguy

Chicharito Proud That Cheryl Cole Will Be Appearing In The February Issue of Playguy

CHICAGO - Playguy Magazine has just announced that it has signed British singer Cheryl Cole to appear in it's February Valentine's issue. The men's publication had been trying to get Ms. Cole to agree to do the nude layout spread for a little over...
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Funny story: Charles Manson's Girlfriend Says She Wants To Have A Little Charlie

Charles Manson's Girlfriend Says She Wants To Have A Little Charlie

CORCORAN, California - The girlfriend of the most evil demon in the United States has said that she wants to marry the infamous Charles Manson and have his baby; preferably a boy. Manson, who is 79, has been incarcerated at Corcoran State Prison f...
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Funny story: Italy To Sell The Island of Sardinia To Peru

Italy To Sell The Island of Sardinia To Peru

ROME - In a move that is certainly unprecedented Italy has decided to part with one of its islands. Pasquale Pettigolezzo with Italy's national news agency The Daily Vino stated to the Italian members of the press that after much consideration the...
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Funny story: Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson Deny The Pregnant Rumors as Kristen Says The Baby Bump Was Photoshopped

Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson Deny The Pregnant Rumors as Kristen Says The Baby Bump Was Photoshopped

SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - Kristen Stewart is presently on location in Shreveport, Louisiana, where she is shooting the Touch Rock - Lions Door motion picture, The Smirking Countess. K-Stew stars as Countess Cora DuFidellio and she has stated that wo...
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Funny story: The Reason Kankakee, Illinois Installed A Red Carpet Down The Middle of Main Street

The Reason Kankakee, Illinois Installed A Red Carpet Down The Middle of Main Street

KANKAKEE, Illinois - The Kankakee City Council hit upon a very clever idea at last month's council meeting. Councilwoman Hazel Tuttletree, 51, suggested that the council approve installing a red carpet down the middle of Main Street. After gett...
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Funny story: Rihanna Draws The Line At The Clitoral Tattoo

Rihanna Draws The Line At The Clitoral Tattoo

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Rihanna loves nothing better than to show off her numerous tattoos to not only her close friends but to mere acquaintances as well. She has said that she feels like her body is merely an easel and her tattoo artist is the legendar...
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Funny story: Cheech & Chong Are Moving To Colorado

Cheech & Chong Are Moving To Colorado

HOLLYWOOD - Comedians Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong took time out from filming on their latest movie Cheech & Chong: Growing And Selling Pot At The Old Folks Home to speak to Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo. She asked the duo if th...
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Funny story: Periodic Table to be used in Nun sex education lessons

Periodic Table to be used in Nun sex education lessons

The Periodic Table is to be used to teach sex education to Sisters in religious schools. Many nuns, who teach sex chemistry to young adults in The Pope's schools, currently do not understand the workings of the Periodic Table. The table, which is...
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Funny story: Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese

Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese

New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich is reported to have trousered one billion US dollars this week after brokering the oil scam of the century pawning Ecuador's annual $13 billion crude sales to China's Hoo Flung Dung Energy Corp. The deal...
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Funny story: Give in to the Pillow Pressure

Give in to the Pillow Pressure

In Nagareyama, Japan a wonderful amazing new device known as the "Boyfriend's Arm Pillow" has been developed by the Kameo Corporation. The pillow consists of a headless torso and a stuffed arm that curls around the woman. Suzuki, a happy cust...
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Funny story: Drugged Up Babies

Drugged Up Babies

Children are exposed to drugs every day from classroom inhalers, commercials for medications, and dad's old bong hidden in the downstairs closet. The average age that a child first experiments with marijuana is fourteen. Kids even as young as fiv...
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Funny story: Fond Memories of George W. Bush

Fond Memories of George W. Bush

In New York, the Republican Party spent a night celebrating former President Bush's leadership in the war on terror. The First Lady said that her husband didn't want to go to war. She stated, "I remember sitting in the window of the White House w...
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Funny story: 103rd Way to Die: McDonald's!

103rd Way to Die: McDonald's!

In Raleigh, North Carolina, Merab Morgan pulled off something astonishing by losing 37 pounds on a diet based solely on McDonald's food. She said, "I thought it's to the birds with one stone - to lose weight and prove a point for the little fat p...
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Funny story: Why Fear Global Warming?

Why Fear Global Warming?

Scientists find errors in global warming data because the satellites drifted in orbit and were reporting night time temperatures as daytime ones. This contests the erroneous information scientists found demonstrating that the planet is actually cooli...
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