Funny story: Bob Diamond Was Never Infected With Alien Brain Beetles

Bob Diamond Was Never Infected With Alien Brain Beetles

It has been sensationally revealed tonight that Bob Diamond was never on the public records as having been infected with Alien Brain Beetles. He has also never appeared on the Tory Zombie Register. Zombie watchers around the world have been so...
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Funny story: Gronk Disrobes for Every Fan and Fanny

Gronk Disrobes for Every Fan and Fanny

The new ESPN Body Issue, featuring your favorite athletes au naturel is coming round the mountain. Let us be the first to report to those with prurient interest, the results of a nude Rob Gronkowski spread are inconclusive. Gronk may not get yo...
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Funny story: "Hoodie" Gang steal surface-to-air missiles stationed on London tower block to protect Olympic Games

"Hoodie" Gang steal surface-to-air missiles stationed on London tower block to protect Olympic Games

Several surface-to-air missiles and their launchers have been stolen from the roof of a Leytonstone tower block in East London by a gang of teenage "hoodies" who are threatening to shoot down police helicopters with them who try and film the upcoming...
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Funny story: Demi Moore Has A Crush On Tom Cruise

Demi Moore Has A Crush On Tom Cruise

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Demi Moore says that now that Tom Cruise is getting divorced from Katie Holmes that she can reveal to LaLaLand and the world a secret she has kept secret for several years. Moore, who herself is recently divorced, stated that she...
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Funny story: Old Lady Has Sex Change

Old Lady Has Sex Change

Philadelphia, PA-- An 89-year old spinster has become the oldest person to ever have a sex change operation. Miss Vicky Smegma is now known as Mr. Victor Smegma and he says that he couldn't be happier. The former English school teacher says he...
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Funny story: The Essential Guide To Being A Premier League Footballer

The Essential Guide To Being A Premier League Footballer

This painstakingly constructed guide is designed to help all budding Premier League footballers conform to previously unwritten rules and avoid any embarrassing mistakes during your career. We shall begin with one of the most important aspects of being a footballer. 1) Disrespecting match officials. Never accept any decision that goes against you or your team. Referees and their assistant...
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Funny story: Jeremy Irons Is '3 Midgets'!

Jeremy Irons Is '3 Midgets'!

In an astonishing new book it is claimed the British actor Jeremy Irons is in fact three midgets stood on one another's shoulders! In the book 'The Truth About Jeremy' , former Hollywood producer Max Griffin claims that three former circus acroba...
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Funny story: Stacy Keibler or Khloe Kardashian Could Be One of The Two New X-Factor Judges

Stacy Keibler or Khloe Kardashian Could Be One of The Two New X-Factor Judges

HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell has stated that he has added two more names to his list of possible X-Factor judges. The T-shirted "Sultan of Sarcasm" spoke with Sangria Wine of TV ClickerWorld and stated that he is really taking his time with his select...
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Funny story: Ex- Barclays boss, Bob Diamond, seen with a begging bowl in Trafalger Square!

Ex- Barclays boss, Bob Diamond, seen with a begging bowl in Trafalger Square!

Ex-Barclays boss, Bob Diamond, has hit rough times after resigning from his job; he's also lost his private jet, chauffeur, Rolls Royce, shares and bonuses, +++! He was last seen with a begging bowl wandering around Trafalgar Square hoping that innoc...
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Funny story: Heiress who tried to smuggle drugs into US embassy reception found dead

Heiress who tried to smuggle drugs into US embassy reception found dead

London - Eva Rausing's attempts to smuggle heroin and crack cocaine into a reception at the USA's London embassy in 2008 ended with a feeble slap on the wrist. The affair was lampooned widely with fake 'Oooh Mr Ambassador, with these crack wraps y...
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Funny story: Solar Panels on Slippery Slope

Solar Panels on Slippery Slope

In another blow to the hard pressed UK solar industry the Department of Energy and Climate Change (DECC) announced that it will be introducing retrospective legislation requiring all households with PV panels installed on their roofs to install bird...
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Funny story: Government plans to mean-test pensioners

Government plans to mean-test pensioners

Pensioners are to be mean-tested to see how mean they really are when the going gets tough. Many grumpy old men and women are already very mean, since they have been practising for years. "My granddad is really, really mean," said 8-year-old Ch...
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Funny story: Luke Skywalker Still Receives Therapy for Falling Passionately in Love With Sister

Luke Skywalker Still Receives Therapy for Falling Passionately in Love With Sister

Hollywood - Though it has been nearly 35 years since his discovery of the fact Princess Leia was his twin sister, Luke has yet to totally come to grips with the reality of the situation. Today a balding man with a beer belly, Luke opened up and spill...
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Funny story: Karen Brady sells grandmother to Chelsea

Karen Brady sells grandmother to Chelsea

Following the news that Karen Brady's nephew has been signed by Chelsea, the club swooped today for a family double when they signed her grandmother as well, to work in the club canteen. Brady began her football career at Birmingham City, working...
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Funny story: BBC To Announce Major Changes To Political Line-Up

BBC To Announce Major Changes To Political Line-Up

A leaked BBC management memo has revealed a host of changes to the corporations political line-up. According to the memo, several of the BBC's political heavyweights are to be replaced in what many reckon is the biggest BBC shake up in years. P...
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Funny story: Arsene Wenger Homeless

Arsene Wenger Homeless

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger was this afternoon declared homeless after discovering Manchester City FC had bought his house! Wenger was allegedly left fuming when upon returning to his eight bedroomed palatial home in the exclusive Totteridge area o...
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Funny story: 'Officer Dibble' fatal shooting a 'Top Cat' copycat killing?

'Officer Dibble' fatal shooting a 'Top Cat' copycat killing?

Essex - The death of Essex policeman PC Ian Dibbel has rattled creators of a 1960s children's TV cartoon comedy about some feral alley cats living in Manhattan's Hoagie's Alley. The show's felines TC, Benny the Ball, Choo-Choo, Brain, Fancy Pants...
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Funny story: Ray Allen's Revenge Will Be a Cold Dish

Ray Allen's Revenge Will Be a Cold Dish

Boston fans are always prepared. Today they are preparing for the return of Ray Allen to the TD Garden in a Miami Heat uniform. With the news that Dwyane Wade will need surgical repair and will be out for 8 weeks, it would appear that Ray Allen wi...
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Funny story: Need to detonate a bomb? There's an app for that

Need to detonate a bomb? There's an app for that

Syrian App company, Kaboom, have launched their first, and possibly last applelet, for the iPhone: uXB. "A lot of people don't realise," said App World! editor Mac Buck, "that using a mobile phone to detonate a bomb is much harder than they make i...
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Funny story: Halifax Town sign Wayne Rooney

Halifax Town sign Wayne Rooney

Conference North side, Halifax Town, have shocked the football world by signing former Premiership and England striker, Wayne Rooney. "It was a chance encounter," said Halifax chairman, Dave Breastcost. "I'd been hanging around his local pub for e...
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Funny story: Conference North to be re-branded Conference UK

Conference North to be re-branded Conference UK

The sixth level of English Football, the Conference North, is to be re-branded as the Conference UK after teams from Oxford and Cambridge were added to the cannon of clubs partaking in the division. "We had a couple of teams from just north of Lon...
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Funny story: Jonathan Papelbon Defends Big Papi (or Sour Grapes Make Great Jam)

Jonathan Papelbon Defends Big Papi (or Sour Grapes Make Great Jam)

If your vine has tender grapes, you should be happy, but if your vine has grapes like David Ortiz and Jonathan Papelbon, you sought to move the pergola to another place in the yard. At the All-Star game shenanigans in Kansas City where two faces a...
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Funny story: Supreme Court Justice Scalia Expands SCROTUM

Supreme Court Justice Scalia Expands SCROTUM

Special to TP News - Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has decided to expand his fraternal organization, SCROTUM (Supreme Court Republican Organization to Uncover Moderates). SCROTUM was established by Scalia in 2011 to aid in the fight against li...
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Funny story: Bromance Blossoms Between Shorty and KG

Bromance Blossoms Between Shorty and KG

According to reports and interviews from Celtics principal owner Wyc Grousbeck after the Ray Allen debacle this week, Kevin Garnett came to Boston because he wanted to play with Ray Allen five years earlier. However, he stayed after five years becau...
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Funny story: Ass hairs effective remedy for baldness

Ass hairs effective remedy for baldness

At the International Baldness Institutesomewhere in Asia, a sleepy lab technician on the night shift was hastily scratching his ass and subsequently placed a finger into his ass opening because the itchiness seem to be sourced from down deep. When he...
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Funny story: Overly-complex human history retconned

Overly-complex human history retconned

Washington, D.C.--A group of the world's leading historians gathered in Washington today to announce that the excessively-burdened and contradictory narrative of human history was to be retconned immediately "in order to make grasping human history e...
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Funny story: Tony Blair to make a Comeback!

Tony Blair to make a Comeback!

Tony Blair, the erstwhile choreographer and television presenter, could be set for a dramatic comeback after he left our screens some years ago. Away from mainstream publicity, Mr. Blair has been touring the Middle East promoting his successful o...
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Funny story: McDonald's Happy Meal Box Survives for 20,000 Years

McDonald's Happy Meal Box Survives for 20,000 Years

When remnants of a 20,000-year-old kitchen were discovered recently in China, it was hailed as a major find. Researchers combed the site, thinking they might come across some leftover Chicken Chow Mein or perhaps some fortune cookies. No luck.
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Funny story: Justin Bieber Facing Possible Arrest

Justin Bieber Facing Possible Arrest

LOS ANGELES - In a move to show that no one in Los Angeles County is above the law the Los Angeles Police Department is considering filing charges against singing sensation Justin Bieber. No less than 27 different motorists reported seeing Bieber'...
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Funny story: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Reach A Divorce Settlement

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Reach A Divorce Settlement

NEW YORK CITY - Katie Holmes, 33, says that she hasn't been as happy as she is now since she was a little girl growing up in Toledo, Ohio, and she first discovered chocolate ice cream cones. The soon-to-be-ex-wife of Tom Cruise, 50, told Ashburn W...
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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 10th July 2012

Football Gossip & comments 10th July 2012

Various Ryan Giggs will captain Team GB football team at the Olympics. Well at least his wife will know where he is for 90 minutes. Roberto Mancini has signed a new five year contract to stay at Manchester City after interest from the Russian FA for their national job. It must have been the lovely Manchester weather and mushy peas that made his mind up. Talksport Arsenal are figh...
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Funny story: This World Has Gone to the Dogs

This World Has Gone to the Dogs

Sioux City IA: A retired Starfleet Admiral and former Captain of a Galaxy Class Starship has just written "Space Memoirs" about his various experiences while travelling in space. Here is an excerpt from the book. An amusing event occurred during a...
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