Funny story: CDC Reports 'Failed Paternity Test' Confirms Justin Bieber Still Incapable of Impregnating Women

CDC Reports 'Failed Paternity Test' Confirms Justin Bieber Still Incapable of Impregnating Women

(Atlanta, GA) - Today, CDC chief virologist Rueben Suresh confirmed the results of additional analyses performed in early January on Justin Bieber's failed paternity test sample. Suresh stated that recent reviews show that the pop star remains fully...
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Funny story: Transfer Window: Villas-Boas denies Chelsea will sell Torres in January

Transfer Window: Villas-Boas denies Chelsea will sell Torres in January

Chelsea manager Andre Villa-Boas has denied the club will sell £50million flop striker Fernando Torres in the January transfer window. "It's an ABSOLUTE LIE" AVB grumbled into a microphone shoved into his face after another failure to pick up thre...
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Funny story: Katie Perry's Divorce A 'Gift'

Katie Perry's Divorce A 'Gift'

"God works in mysterious ways -- and our baby girl has seen the light...Amen" says Katie Perry's parents.  They have been praying day and night for her divorce from the meek, Russell Branded.   "God has filled the rafters of our church, hallelujah re...
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Funny story: Lady Gaga And Madonna Battle For Codpiece Supremacy

Lady Gaga And Madonna Battle For Codpiece Supremacy

HOLLYWOOD - Initially used to strategically cover the two and a half men located between a gentleman's legs during Medieval times, the codpiece is now being used by both male and female entertainers attempting to embellish the size of their reproduct...
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Funny story: Chinese New Year and Burns Night merged

Chinese New Year and Burns Night merged

With Chinese New Year arriving just two days before the Scottish celebration of Burns Night, it has been decided to amalgamate the two massive events in the global calendar and have Chinese Burns Night. "This is going to be phenomenal," said Wu Ma...
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Funny story: US Media Declares Obama Winner of 2012 Election

US Media Declares Obama Winner of 2012 Election

NEW YORK - Liberal Media outlets in the US have proudly proclaimed Obama's victory in the 2012 Presidential Election. Attorney General Eric Holder quickly certified the voting results and congratulated President Obama on his "Landslide Victory." R...
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Funny story: Britain's legacy of rodent soldiers

Britain's legacy of rodent soldiers

A new film is in the cinemas which aims to shed light on a little known chapter of Britain's military history. Entitled "War Hamster", it tells the story of a young man called Albert Furbottom who takes his pet hamster with him to fight in the First World War. Albert is only aged 15 at the outbreak of the war, but after seeing all his elder brothers sign up, he follows them to the recruitment o...
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Funny story: Britons Cut Daily Alcohol Consumption after Parliament Study

Britons Cut Daily Alcohol Consumption after Parliament Study

Following a strong recommendation by the Science and Technology Committee of Parliament, British residents have taken their government's health recommendations to heart, cutting daily drinking activities by more than 50% "We felt an obligation to...
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Funny story: Republican Candidates In Speedo Bikinis For Next Debate

Republican Candidates In Speedo Bikinis For Next Debate

In an attempt to reach higher ratings for the next Republican debate, handlers decided that the candidates wear Speedo bikini bottoms. Hearing this proposition, Mitt Romney nervously crossed and uncrossed his legs, calling it a strange decision.
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Funny story: Was this Steve Jobs Last Project - the iOuija Board?

Was this Steve Jobs Last Project - the iOuija Board?

Reports out of China indicate that Apple is on the verge of releasing a new electronic device designed to keep it's users in tough not with just our family or friends but with our deceased loved ones as well. Called the iOuija Board, those in the...
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Funny story: Bang, and the twerp is gone! Polish prosecutor's 'suicide' bid flops

Bang, and the twerp is gone! Polish prosecutor's 'suicide' bid flops

Poznan - A Polish military prosecutor is said to be recovering well amid early reports 'he shot himself in the foot' after a news conference. Colonel Mikolaj Przybyl took a 'comfort break' after telling reporters the reputation of the Polish armed...
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Funny story: Scott Walker Worried Jail He Is Going to Might Have Union Guards

Scott Walker Worried Jail He Is Going to Might Have Union Guards

Madison, Wisconsin--Scott Walker is beginning to worry that he might be going to jail, because close aides of his are getting charged with felonies. "I am worried these jails in Wisconsin might have guards that are in the unions, if I am lucky,...
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Funny story: Glenn Beck: "Progressives Are to Blame for History Books

Glenn Beck: "Progressives Are to Blame for History Books

Washington--Glenn Beck is letting everyone know that Progressives are the reason we have history books in public schools. "I just want my listeners to know that progressives are the reason we have history books in public schools. They know that i...
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Funny story: Jesus sent Tebow to Broncos as a joke

Jesus sent Tebow to Broncos as a joke

Heaven--Jesus sent Tim Tebow to the Broncos as a joke, and as a way to help Him heal from the pain of the Broncos beat the Packers in Superbowl XXXII. "I thought I was over the Broncos beating the Packers, but in the spring of 2010, about two week...
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Funny story: TV chef get's fingers stuck in cheese at Tesco's!

TV chef get's fingers stuck in cheese at Tesco's!

Famous TV chef, Antony "Wally" Thompson (name changed for legal reasons) has been arrested outside a Tesco supermarket for shoplifting. The well known chef admitted putting the cheese inside his pocket without paying, but had no intention of nicking...
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Funny story: Chelsea Spared By Pompey - Not Next Time, Says Fan

Chelsea Spared By Pompey - Not Next Time, Says Fan

Chelsea's victory over Portsmouth in the third round of the FA Cup yesterday has been welcomed by a Pompey fan, though he is disapppointed by the London club's behaviour. As we reported on Saturday, Fratton Park 'superfan' Jake Seaport asked his h...
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Funny story: Joey the War Horse weeps buckets at being made to sit next to feckless royals

Joey the War Horse weeps buckets at being made to sit next to feckless royals

London - The star of the Steven Spielberg movie premiering in London's Leicester Square last night sobbed uncontrollably in the three-and-sixpennies before being comforted by Kate Capshaw. "My wife noticed these huge tears rolling down the whorse'...
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Funny story: Amazon offer a new way of searching

Amazon offer a new way of searching

Amazon, the online all-in-one, uber efficient retailer has long been a pioneer in online retailing. Now they have gone one step further by allowing people to search their product base ordered not just by price or popularity, but also by colour. "S...
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Funny story: Partridge named as possible father of Kate's baby

Partridge named as possible father of Kate's baby

Gossip magazines are full of rumour currently about the possible news that Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, is carrying a child: Alan Partridge's child. Yes, the swanky half Irish comedian has been the focus of scuttle-butt for months no...
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Funny story: Need glasses? There's an app for that

Need glasses? There's an app for that

The long and short-sighted can finally throw away glasses and contact lens and instead see the world through their phone. Now, instead of the multitude of complicated vision aids, people can simply download iSee. "This is a major step forward," sa...
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Funny story: Apple patent dying, cure mortality at a stroke

Apple patent dying, cure mortality at a stroke

Computer megalomaniacs, Apple, have produced their broadest and boldest patent to date by patenting dying. With exorbitant licence fees for anybody dying more and more people are putting off their deaths until they have saved up enough to pay the fee...
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Funny story: Bristol Palin Is Depressed - She Leaves Arizona And Returns To Daddy and Mommy Palin's Home In Alaska

Bristol Palin Is Depressed - She Leaves Arizona And Returns To Daddy and Mommy Palin's Home In Alaska

WASILLA, Alaska - Bristol Palin, the eldest daughter of Todd and "Snowflake" Palin really and truly believed that when she finished in third place on Dancing With The Stars that she was going to have all kinds of doors open up to her. Well "Shotgu...
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Funny story: Russell Brand and Vanessa Bryant Spotted In Brand's 2012 Lamborghini Parked By The Hollywood Sign

Russell Brand and Vanessa Bryant Spotted In Brand's 2012 Lamborghini Parked By The Hollywood Sign

HOLLYWOOD - Russell Brand will soon be a free man after filing for divorce from his wife of 14 months singer Katy Perry. Brand stated that he filed in Los Angeles County on grounds of Irreconcilable Ipso Facto Differences. Vanessa Bryant will...
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Funny story: Kanye West and X-Factor's Astro To Host New Reality Show Called 'So You Think You Can Rap?"

Kanye West and X-Factor's Astro To Host New Reality Show Called 'So You Think You Can Rap?"

HOLLYWOOD - The newly formed Bro Channel has just announced that it will be premiering the reality show So You Think You Can Rap? on Friday the 13. A spokesperson for the BC stated that the new music show will be hosted by Kanye West and 15-year-o...
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Funny story: Paul McCartney and Rolling Stones to Pay for Breast Implant Replacements

Paul McCartney and Rolling Stones to Pay for Breast Implant Replacements

In Parliament today, angry protestors pushed their way through security pulling a hose from a tanker truck filled with thousands of gallons of industrial silicone. The kind alledged to be in thousands of breast implants in thousands of women. The...
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Funny story: The news doesn't have to be bad.

The news doesn't have to be bad.

I stopped reading the news for quite some time because it was depressing. But then I didn't know any current events and my friends found me boring. And I found that depressing. So I decided to read the news again, with a few changes to make it more positive. For example, every time I saw the words 'killed' or 'murdered', I would change them to 'masturbated'. As in, five people were mastu...
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