Funny story: Contents Of The Queen's Handbag Revealed In New Book!

Contents Of The Queen's Handbag Revealed In New Book!

In a new book, 'Elizabeth the Queen, She's On The Throne', by royal biographer Sally Bedsheet-Vomit, Sally has revealed some of the items Her Majesty likes to carry around with her in her handbag. They include a crisply folded five, and ten pound not...
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Funny story: Camden kebab shop deconsecrates Amy shrine amid Pete Doherty apparition

Camden kebab shop deconsecrates Amy shrine amid Pete Doherty apparition

London - A spectral image that suddenly materialised on the Delancey Street Kebab Taverna window was a dead ringer for the Babyshambles musician proprietor Costas Kleftiko said today. The Camden takeaway is host to an unofficial shrine to deceased...
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Funny story: Top 10 worst driving partners

Top 10 worst driving partners

A Poll was taken by at least 2000 motorists and a list has been drawn up of the top 10 celebrities that people would NOT like to have as a driving partner if they were taking part in a rally. The reasons for these choices are not given, but some of the reasons that they are not chosen could be as follows: 10. Lewis Hamilton: he would be in too much of a rush to enjoy the scenery and when we did...
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Funny story: Local Man Supports Cher Lloyd In The Sun's 'Target A Troll' Campaign

Local Man Supports Cher Lloyd In The Sun's 'Target A Troll' Campaign

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, 29, a dashingly handsome south coast based spear fisherman (Not true on any count - Ed) today announced his full backing for the Sun newspaper's online 'Target A Troll' campaign. "I'm all for it," Shuttlecock told re...
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Funny story: A Caucus explained

A Caucus explained

The Caucasian Chalk Circle (German: Der Kaukasische Kreidekreis) is a play by the German modernist playwright Bertolt Brecht. An example of Brecht's epic theatre, the play is a parable about a peasant girl (Grusha) who rescues a baby and becomes a better mother than its natural parents. The early parts of the play serve to introduce the main characters, but it is scene 5 (The Chalk Circle) that...
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Funny story: Nottingham Forest owner and Labour Party dosher-up found dead at home, 'no suspicious circumstances' say cops

Nottingham Forest owner and Labour Party dosher-up found dead at home, 'no suspicious circumstances' say cops

Notts - "Bwahaha, he was just about to sign another hefty cheque," Ed Miliband sobbed this afternoon on hearing the news that millionaire Labour Party donor Nigel Doughty had died suddenly at home in the gym. The party's deputy treasurer had appa...
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Funny story: Local Man Stocks Up On Cold Beer To Beat The Big Freeze

Local Man Stocks Up On Cold Beer To Beat The Big Freeze

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today revealed how he prepared for the imminent big freeze blizzards, by nipping up the shops wearing odd gloves and carrying a rucksack, to stock up on beer supplies in order to get the better of the furious blizzard w...
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Funny story: The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt VII; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt VII; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

My friend Shylock Humes and myself were sitting in a London growler, in the inky-shadowed street outside the villa of Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers. This villa was, I hoped, to be the scene of the great denouement of our adventure, in which all the various skeins, threads and loose ends gathered so painstakingly by my friend, would at last be tied, tidied and secured in lots of lov...
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Funny story: Punctuation to be made optional in all online material

Punctuation to be made optional in all online material

Due to a deteriorating command of the English language it has been determined that punctuation is no longer required in any material to be put on line It just confuses things said Don Caster head of English at Oxford University Nobody needs punctu...
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Funny story: $15 Trillion Super Bowl Bet Would Wipe Out The National Debt

$15 Trillion Super Bowl Bet Would Wipe Out The National Debt

Indianapolis -- Congress is gambling that a determined group of Patriots can again save the United States from collapse. The lawmakers are betting $15 trillion that the New England Patriots will defeat the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLVI. "If N...
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Funny story: Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

ROME - Claiming that "presumptuous and thuggish impositions of will have disrupted the peace of our lives," a consortium of Catholic leaders around the world has formed in vehement protest of "traumatizing and intrusive" police investigations into re...
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Funny story: Madonna buys Malawi

Madonna buys Malawi

Madonna has reportedly bought Malawi and is in meetings at present to discuss the best way available to dismantle the country and ship it across the Atlantic. Then the complicated task of rebuilding the new Malawi will begin, including a new name. "...
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Funny story: Local Man Wears Odd Gloves On Trip Up The Shops

Local Man Wears Odd Gloves On Trip Up The Shops

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, 32, today revealed that he popped up the shops wearing odd gloves, much to the consternation of his fellow shoppers. Amongst whom was a fat bloke without a coat in utter defiance of the impending big freeze. It se...
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Funny story: The Next Level

The Next Level

Jean and I had been out three times in the last couple of weeks after chatting on the phone and by e-mail for a bit. I had answered her ad in the newspaper's dating section, and we seemed to get on pretty well. It was at our last date that Jean said she thought we should 'take things to the next level' when we got together next. To be honest, I was quite happy keeping things platonic - I hadn't...
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Funny story: The two other Milliband brothers join Ed and David to form group of 4

The two other Milliband brothers join Ed and David to form group of 4

Up to now, the political world was only aware of two Millibands, Ed and David, one the leader of the British Labour Party, the other, not the leader of the Brritish Labour Party. The rest of the family have always stayed firmly in the background.
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Funny story: Stars in poaching risk

Stars in poaching risk

Many celebrities are being stalked, not by the typical autograph hunter but by an international group of highly trained poachers. Their sole aim is to kill when a chance arises and to harvest their lucrative treasures. Human ivory, is found in...
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Funny story: Vegetarian Rage As Harry Styles Out Of One Direction Papped Eating Meat Pie In Dorking

Vegetarian Rage As Harry Styles Out Of One Direction Papped Eating Meat Pie In Dorking

Vegetarians the length and breadth of the nation were up in arms following the publication of photographs clearly showing Harry out of One Direction tucking into a Tesco's minced beef and onion pie in Dorking. High profile foodies blame Harry's sp...
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Funny story: International Space Station picks up SOS signal from missing 'alien lake' drilling crew

International Space Station picks up SOS signal from missing 'alien lake' drilling crew

Antarctica - "This is the last time we frack for bloody Gazprom!" was the gist of an emergency frequency communiqué picked up by astronauts aboard the ISS this morning. It has broken a seven day radio blackout of Russia's Arctic and Antarctic Res...
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Funny story: President Obama to sing at The Superbowl

President Obama to sing at The Superbowl

President Obama has been asked to sing at the Superbowl during the half-time break after organisers saw his 'Al Green moment' last week. Michelle Obama appeared on the Jay Leno show this week and told the host "he never stops singing to me - the c...
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Funny story: Charity Hate Campaigner Faces Trial Over Takeaway Waste

Charity Hate Campaigner Faces Trial Over Takeaway Waste

A Sussex man has told of his torture at the hands of a local charity organisation. Steve Dobbs, 37, was hounded out of his house and home by the hate campaign instigated by the Sussex 'Food For The Poor' charity. Dobbs had returned home from a...
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Funny story: Death Penalty Brought Back For Litterers

Death Penalty Brought Back For Litterers

In a dramatic U-turn the government have outright voted in the death penalty, for people too lazy to find a waste bin in the street. Cases of littering have increased by over 2000% in recent years, compared with figures taken in 2003, with many of...
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Funny story: The Mystery Of Puddleby Cove - Featuring The Spiffing Six - Episode One

The Mystery Of Puddleby Cove - Featuring The Spiffing Six - Episode One

EPISODE ONE It was a gloriously sunny, bright and stiflingly hot day, at the very beginning of the school summer hols, and fifteen year old twins, Tugboat and Martina Browne were busily packing cases in their bedroom. Even though the huge 16th Century manor house they inhabited had eleven spacious bedrooms, they absolutely insisted upon sharing. They shared everything; they were extremely cl...
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Funny story: BBC's Room 101 Causes National Head Explosion Outbreak

BBC's Room 101 Causes National Head Explosion Outbreak

Hospitals were inundated with victims of exploding head syndrome on Friday night after a screening of BBC 1's Room 101. TV watchdogs are now accusing the station of callously chasing ratings at the expense of viewers' safety. The incidents bega...
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Funny story: It Looks Like Madonna Has Her Super Bowl XLVI Halftime Lip Syncing Performance Down To A Semi-Science

It Looks Like Madonna Has Her Super Bowl XLVI Halftime Lip Syncing Performance Down To A Semi-Science

INDIANAPOLIS - The Midwestern town of Indianapolis will be home to Super Bowl XLVI (46) between the Giants of New York and the Patriots of New England or as Sports Territory Magazine's Tango Brisket refers to the two teams, The Apple Guys Vs. The Tea...
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Funny story: Political News for W/E 4th Februrary 2012 - with comments

Political News for W/E 4th Februrary 2012 - with comments

29th January 2012: Four out of five criminals caught with a knife escapes jail sentence! Category: Crime Link: The Mirror - Knife crime in UK The Tories' "zero tolerance" policy on knife crime is in tatters, with four out of five knife-wielding thugs ­escaping a jail term. New figures show that of the 5,466 caught carrying a knife between July and September last year, just 1,132 were jailed,...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments this week - W/E 4th February 2012

My Senior Moments this week - W/E 4th February 2012

29th January 2012: * An original first time effort for me this morning: I squirted Ibuprofen Painkilling gel onto my toothbrush, but thankfully I noticed before I started searching for my few remaining teeth to start cleaning them. I decided to store the gel in another area to avoid this happening again. * Could I find the pain-gel to put on me knees tonight? - Could I 'eck as like! Still search...
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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 4th February 2012 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 4th February 2012 - with comments

31st January 2012: Man accused of killing couple is found hanged in prison cell Category: Crime Link: This is Nottingham: - Murderer found hanging in cell A Lithuanian man accused of murdering a policeman's parents was found hanged in his prison cell, an inquest has heard. Rimvydas Liorancas was pronounced dead at the scene. "Good!" 1st February 2012: Help group for Polish immigrants...
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Funny story: FBI probes an anonymous elephant

FBI probes an anonymous elephant

Washington D.C. (Rooterz) - The FBI has decided to probe an anonymous elephant after it swallowed President Obama's cell phone while he was on a four day tour of the National Zoo in Washington, DC. "This is a matter of national security." says an...
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Funny story: Prince Charles solves food shortage

Prince Charles solves food shortage

A man who left school with no qualifications of worth and has hardly ever worked in his life, told Phillip Schofield on yesterday's "This Morning" show that he has a solution to cannibal food shortages. Prince Charles felt he had to go on the s...
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Funny story: Ronnie Wood is walking corpse

Ronnie Wood is walking corpse

Rumours suggesting that ageing rocker Ronnie Wood 98, won't be ageing anymore. An undercover video recording has appeared on the internet, filmed by a reporter having an "off the record" conversation with a former employee of Wood's. Anthon...
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Funny story: Adam Lambert to Take Over from Queen

Adam Lambert to Take Over from Queen

The British Royal family is reported to be changing House with the House of Windsor about to become the House of Lambert. A report in British tabloid, the Daily Rats, confirmed that the Queen will be succeeded by none other than singer, Adam Lambe...
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Funny story: President Obama and Former President Bush - Investigated For DWI

President Obama and Former President Bush - Investigated For DWI

Former President George W. Bush and Current President Brack H. Obama was pulled over today by D.C. police after running a red light. Officer Porker reportedly pulled over their car as it was traveling westbound on Constitution Ave as it crossed 17th...
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Funny story: White House Pimps And Obama Czars Not Included In New Job Numbers

White House Pimps And Obama Czars Not Included In New Job Numbers

BILLINGSGATE POST - The Labor Department announced today that the 240,000 increase in jobs did not include the record number of pimps and Czars installed by President Obama in the administration. It is estimated that the number of czars in the Oba...
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