Funny story: Letters to the Editor: The Dorking Review

Letters to the Editor: The Dorking Review

Dear Sir, I have finished reading the last few pages of your book. I was trapped in Dorking station toilets overnight, after a few drinks and a vindaloo. If it were not for the quality of paper used in this publication, my arse could have ended up being very sore. I got to page 250, and thank god, the Station Master let me out the next morning. Although I have only read the last forty two pages...
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Funny story: Isle Of Wight's Most Wanted Evades Capture Once Again

Isle Of Wight's Most Wanted Evades Capture Once Again

Master criminal and Isle of Wight's most wanted man, Curly O'Halloran evaded police yet again, after a four hour siege in a barn on the outskirts of Shanklin. The wily thief had recently robbed a bakery van and fled to the secluded barn, with the...
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Funny story: The Who end their Association with CSI

The Who end their Association with CSI

The Who who produced the songs for the CSI franchised crime dramas, have requested that their songs are no longer used. The songs used are Who are You for CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Won't Get Fooled Again for CSI: Miami and Baba O'Reilly for CSI...
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Funny story: Has the Queen taken up Voodoo?

Has the Queen taken up Voodoo?

Royal correspondents were today left bemused by reports of bongo drums being played in the gardens of Buckingham Palace in the early hours of yesterday morning. This report comes less than a week after chicken carcasses were reportedly found than...
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Funny story: Darth Vader to go into the Big Brother house?

Darth Vader to go into the Big Brother house?

Plans to mark the thirty fifth anniversary of Star Wars next year began in earnest today, with many of the events planned for the UK in recognition of the role played by Pinewood Studios. As part of the proposed celebrations, television executive...
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Funny story: Michelle Obama Loves Eating Platypuses

Michelle Obama Loves Eating Platypuses

Washington, DC-- First lady Michelle Obama has a new culinary obsession--the platypus! Mrs. Obama loves eating the strange Australian animal morning, noon and night. The obese swing-belly consumes dozens of platypuses a day, and simply adores every...
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Funny story: Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars Tells His Partner Ricki Lake That She Ain't No Kirstie Alley

Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars Tells His Partner Ricki Lake That She Ain't No Kirstie Alley

VENICE BEACH - Derek Hough one of the stars of Dancing With The Stars was sitting at The Enchanted Enchilada Restaurant having breakfast when he was asked about his dance partner former talk show host Ricki Lake. Hough put down his guacamole-laded...
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Funny story: Obama Claims Herman Cain "Too Black" To be Elected President

Obama Claims Herman Cain "Too Black" To be Elected President

BILLINGSGATE POST: Yesterday before members of the Congressional Black Caucus, President Barack Obama declared that he was not worried about having to run against Cain if Mr. Cain were selected to represent the Republican Party in 2012. "He's too...
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Funny story: Bedtime Stories: A sewer Rat Sings

Bedtime Stories: A sewer Rat Sings

Morris, a rat that lived in the sewers of London, made his way along the shit stained highway of the tunnel he called home. Today was an arduous journey created by the rain that was cascading down the drains at street level. Morris did not want to be late he saw his opportunity and leapt onto a small piece of wood that was rushing by in the murky torrent. With the dexterity of an Aussie surfer...
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Funny story: Rihanna Told To Get Baps Out Of Wheat Field

Rihanna Told To Get Baps Out Of Wheat Field

It was a real case of 'Gerram Orf Moi Land' today when singing sensation Rihanna was unceremoniously evicted from a wheat field in Ireland, simply for getting her baps out. The American singer of such great hits as Umberella, and other stuff she d...
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Funny story: Charlie Sheen Can Now Actually Call Himself A "Winner" As He Is Awarded A $25 Million Settlement

Charlie Sheen Can Now Actually Call Himself A "Winner" As He Is Awarded A $25 Million Settlement

SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen is all smiles after agreeing to an out-of-court settlement of $25 million with the group that fired him from the hit sit-com Two and A Half Men. Sheen told Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo t...
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Funny story: GOOAAL! Lesbian Tonsil Hockey Players Score Hat Trick To Join Coveted Mile High Club

GOOAAL! Lesbian Tonsil Hockey Players Score Hat Trick To Join Coveted Mile High Club

BILLINGSGATE POST: 'L Word' actress Leisha Haley and fashion designer Nina Garduno joined the Mile High Club yesterday by scoring a hat trick while playing tonsil hockey at an altitude estimated at 30,000 feet while flying on a Southwest Airlines je...
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Funny story: Local Man To Buy A Bigger Hat

Local Man To Buy A Bigger Hat

Following the runaway success of his promotional video for The Dorking Review, which he posted on YouTube, local man, Martin Shuttlecock is reputed to be considering buying a new hat. Sources close to Shuttlecock state that his new found internet fam...
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Funny story: Facebook release their own portable PC

Facebook release their own portable PC

Social networking giants Facebook have joined the PC market today, as they announced the release of a portable computer. The PC comes with only one application installed - a piece of software that allows the user to access the Facebook web page. It i...
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Funny story: Dan Bailey and The Dallas Cowboys Defeat The Washington Redskins 18-16 On The Rookie's Amazing Six Field Goal Performance

Dan Bailey and The Dallas Cowboys Defeat The Washington Redskins 18-16 On The Rookie's Amazing Six Field Goal Performance

DALLAS - Well it's a good thing that the Dallas Cowboys have someone who knows how to kick field goals because Tony Romo, and the Cowboy receivers and running backs apparently should have Googled Map Quest to find out exactly where the end zone was l...
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Funny story: Brazen Hadron Collider thieves ask for instruction manual

Brazen Hadron Collider thieves ask for instruction manual

Police in Geneva announced today that the thieves who stole the Large Hadron Collider from an underground chamber in Switzerland have contacted CERN to ask for an instruction manual. They say they are unable to set the 24-hour clock, operate the...
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Funny story: Nelissa Nelson First Night With Liam Hemsworth

Nelissa Nelson First Night With Liam Hemsworth

Lovely Nelissa Nelson has held her first 'Girls Only' night since she began her inaugural grown-up relationship - with Liam Hemsworth. According to one of her closest friends, Nelissa enjoyed her first night in bed with her Boyfriend - but didn't thi...
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Funny story: Clive Dunn and Napalm Death for Xmas Number 1?

Clive Dunn and Napalm Death for Xmas Number 1?

Actor Clive Dunn, famed for his role as the dithering Corporal Jones in Dad's Army, is tipped to be this year's Christmas number one with an updated version of his 1970 hit 'Grandad' which will feature death metal band Napalm Death. In the new v...
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Funny story: Britain's favourite meal is... Brunch!

Britain's favourite meal is... Brunch!

The UK is going bonkers for brunch according to a new survey. 42% of Brits no longer eat breakfast while a staggering 98% have taken up the mid-morning meal instead to save time. Kate Tin of Durex who ran the poll explained the findings 'People...
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Funny story: Herman Cain: "At the least, I have a choice of toppings!"

Herman Cain: "At the least, I have a choice of toppings!"

Herman Cain started his address to the Florida straw poll on Saturday with the following: "At the least I provide you with a choice of toppings! Underneath the toppings is tasteless white dough and that is what you are seeing before you on this s...
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Funny story: What's On at News International

What's On at News International

Tom Whatson, the famous Labour Party sleuth, has been telling delegates at the Labour Party Conference to make as much as they can of the recent sunny weather, as 'the sun won't be shining much longer'. Political pundits were ready with their insi...
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Funny story: Newspaper in giveaway storm

Newspaper in giveaway storm

A national newspaper has created a furore by offering a free cigar for all readers. The Express Daily celebrated it's 'Churchill week' by declaring 'now you can look like the great man with the cut out and keep bald head plus free cigar'. Steve...
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Funny story: Chaos As Dover Port Closed For An Hour

Chaos As Dover Port Closed For An Hour

The gates to the shores of Great Britain were sensationally closed yesterday for over an hour, causing turmoil amongst incoming and outgoing travellers and throwing the transport system in to chaos - over a biro. Port Authority employee Tony Weeks...
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Funny story: Bi Lingual Obama Addresses Congressional Black Caucus in Ebonics; Hispanics 'Outraged!'

Bi Lingual Obama Addresses Congressional Black Caucus in Ebonics; Hispanics 'Outraged!'

President Obama in a special outreach to his core base of voters addressed the Congressional Black Caucus as he continued his non stop Re-Immaculation Campaign (RIC) leading up to the 2012 election. While acknowledging he didn't speak "Austrian",...
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Funny story: Putin shows off 'Bribe of Frankenstein' facelift

Putin shows off 'Bribe of Frankenstein' facelift

Bloodyvostock - Does Russian wannabe president Vladimir Putin's plastic surgeon really hate him enough to stitch him up like former French art dealer's wife Jocelyne Wildenstein? The Kremlin rumor mill today said 'maybe' as hideous pix of a surgic...
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Funny story: Chopper Reid addresses the United Nations Security Council

Chopper Reid addresses the United Nations Security Council

In a last ditch effort to save her "Swap an Illegal" deal with Malaysia, Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard has appointed Chopper Reid as Australia's Ambassador to the United Nations. This morning Chopper addressed the Security Council in...
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Funny story: City closes for business

City closes for business

The global recession has claimed it's latest victim - the city of Derby. The metropolis' Mayor, Shaun Carey, yesterday announced that due to the Eurozone crisis it had no option but to cease trading. Speaking outside the city's cathedral a tearful...
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Funny story: Mental Health Issues? There's an app for that.

Mental Health Issues? There's an app for that.

People with mental health issues have a very unique need for a specific application for their condition. This is where the latest offering from Apple Core Labs comes in. "It's called iShrink," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "And I have to ad...
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Funny story: The Dancing With The Stars Audience Is Turning On Judge Len Goodman And He May Get Fired

The Dancing With The Stars Audience Is Turning On Judge Len Goodman And He May Get Fired

HOLLYWOOD - British Judge Len Goodman has been with Dancing With The Stars for all 13 seasons, but it appears that the old Englishman may just have worn out his welcome. Achtung Zumwalt of TV ClickerWorld spoke with the producer of DWTS Bernandett...
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Funny story: South-by-Southwest unveils new anti-celebrity slogan

South-by-Southwest unveils new anti-celebrity slogan

DALLAS, Tx.--South-by-Southwest Airlines has unveiled its new slogan this week which contains a message directed primarily at misbehaving, unappealing celebrities. With its catchy, "Celebs are now free to sit down, keep their clothes on, and not b...
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Funny story: Three or four things your dentist won't tell you

Three or four things your dentist won't tell you

When we go in for a check-up, we want to know what we can do to prevent high dental costs. Sure, we always hate to hear that we should floss more, but we want total honesty from our dentist. Or do we? Frankly, there are things that your dentist wants to keep to himself. Here's a list of the top three: 1) He's a boob man. He likes big boobs, small boobs, and medium ones, too. 2) He's a...
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Funny story: Review of Lil' Poo's Bubble Wrap

Review of Lil' Poo's Bubble Wrap

When I arrived at my desk this morning at The Spoof, I was pleased to find a CD with a post-it stuck on it that had barely legible writing on it that, I think, said, "Review this." I always enjoy reviewing music so I happily took off the post-it, and that's when I read the title of the song and then I realized that it must be a joke. I looked around at my co-workers. They were all sitting at their...
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