Funny story: Catsup Heir Heinz Ward Arrested for Steeling

Catsup Heir Heinz Ward Arrested for Steeling

Hines Ward, daughter of Catsup inventor Governor Henry John Heinz III and Maria Teresa Thierstein Simões-Ferreira Heinz, Esq. was briefly arrested and held at gunpoint last week in a mix-up over a car reported stolen. See, the joke is... ... Hine...
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Funny story: Green Nut Jobs Picket Mt. Merapi Volcano

Green Nut Jobs Picket Mt. Merapi Volcano

Approximately 8000 Green picketers have surrounded the summit of Mt. Merapi, cursing and spitting into the fiery dome of this volcano which is located in central Java and which has been erupting for 10,000 years. Merapi is one of the most active volc...
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Funny story: Steven Tyler's Penis to Replace J.Lo on American Idol

Steven Tyler's Penis to Replace J.Lo on American Idol

The hat is off the jimmy: Aerosmith's singer Steven Tyler's penis will become the second judge on American Idol next season, once Latina meatbag Jennifer Lopez is unceremoniously fired at the end of this season. "My soldier is makin' a move," said...
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Funny story: Life Sentences: More About Barbers

Life Sentences: More About Barbers

Odd business, barbers, and what they do. What is that they do, eh? Barbery? Barbering? Barbing? See now? I told you it was an odd business. The barbers themselves, as well, eh? Queer kettle of fish altogether. Take this barber I once had. He shall remain nameless, mainly because I can't remember his name. Whatever his name was, he was a queer fish, even without taking the kettle into ac...
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Funny story: Life Sentences: Barbers

Life Sentences: Barbers

Had my hair cut today. I went to one of these salons they have nowadays. Twenty pounds for what we used to call a short back and sides. It wasn't, though. Short back and sides, I mean. The young chap didn't know what that was. It was all I could do to get him to understand the concept of a "trim". I think he thought I was talking about pubic hair. And when I say "chap", well, I won't over...
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Funny story: Ancelotti's eyebrow on the move again

Ancelotti's eyebrow on the move again

After Chelsea's defeat by Manchester United, Carlo Ancelotti's left eyebrow is looking for another move upwards. Already one of the best movers in the Premier League, Ancelotti's left eyebrow is looking even more unsettled, especially in post-mat...
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Funny story: Peter North Stars Hockey Team Blows Huge, Gelatinous, Ropelike Petition for Entry onto NHL's Stomach

Peter North Stars Hockey Team Blows Huge, Gelatinous, Ropelike Petition for Entry onto NHL's Stomach

The NHL has a potential scandal on their hands, now that the Peter North Stars, a Florida-based hockey team owned by XXX penis-for-hire Peter North, had made their burning, lustful desire to become an NHL franchise official. Dear Gay Professional Ath...
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Funny story: Bill and Hillary Clinton Have Crushes On Pippa Middleton

Bill and Hillary Clinton Have Crushes On Pippa Middleton

Washington, D.C - The emotional after-effects of the Prince William-Kate Middleton royal wedding are still being felt, especially in the Bill and Hill household. Kate's erotically hot sister, Pippa, has burned a permanent image in the minds o...
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Funny story: Secret Service Arrests Parrot For Squawking "F..K Barack!...F..K Barack!"

Secret Service Arrests Parrot For Squawking "F..K Barack!...F..K Barack!"

Washington DC - A spokesperson for the Secret Service confirmed reports that agents recently busted down the door of an office across the street from the White House which housed a parrot allegedly trained by its conservative owner to incessantly squ...
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Funny story: Music of Steel Panther Believed to Have Link to Cure for Cancer and ED

Music of Steel Panther Believed to Have Link to Cure for Cancer and ED

Researchers at the Pettrucci Center for Musical Research have released preliminary results of a study between the music of Heavy Metal Icons Steel Panther, and the spread and onset of remission of many forms of cancer. "We had reason to believe t...
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Funny story: Fat Cat Banker Evan Meets Fate

Fat Cat Banker Evan Meets Fate

A banker whose manner was blunt Squandered investor's funds on a punt. The whole lot was lost At incredible cost To the nations that all bore the brunt. Just one man, whose shoulders were broad, Was sacked, for reporting the fraud. The judge in his case Said "I don't like your face" So he lost 'cause the system is flawed. That outcome ignited his zeal; Off he went to the Court of A...
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Funny story: Channel 4's Countdown In A Tizz Over Rising Hemlines

Channel 4's Countdown In A Tizz Over Rising Hemlines

TV watchdogs are today putting their foot down with a heavy hand and bringing to book Channel 4's daily word quiz, Countdown. It seems that the bird who puts the letters and numbers on the board, Rachel Riley, is causing coronaries throughout the lan...
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Funny story: Will Lansley Survive?

Will Lansley Survive?

Doctors and Nurses are worried that Andrew Lansley may survive. The architect of the dismantaling of the NHS has won strong Tory backing for the move towards rewarding private companies with the profits of dealing with low cost health care. He tol...
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Funny story: New Anti-Smoking measures announced from Brussels

New Anti-Smoking measures announced from Brussels

A recent change in European law regarding the circumstances by which a person can be committed to a mental institution by the state has meant that in future anyone found guilty of smoking a cigarette in a designated public 'no smoking' area could in...
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Funny story: Ronaldo fails the "AXE" test!

Ronaldo fails the "AXE" test!

Real Madrid and Man United's ex super-star was observed at a tennis match in Madrid with his scorching, red-hot Russian girlfriend and she obviously turned him on so much he failed the "AXE" test. Photos of Ronaldo looking like he'd just finished...
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Funny story: Liverpool Fans In Michael Jackson Statue Panic

Liverpool Fans In Michael Jackson Statue Panic

It's being reported that hundreds of Liverpool fans are afraid to go near Fulham's Craven Cottage ground ahead of tonight's Premier League match because they're afraid of Mohamed Al Fayed's tribute Michael Jackson statue. According to eye witnesse...
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Funny story: Shocking Inside Look at Bin Laden Take Down: Obama So Paralyzed with Fear and Indecision Panetta Made the Decision in Palace Coup!

Shocking Inside Look at Bin Laden Take Down: Obama So Paralyzed with Fear and Indecision Panetta Made the Decision in Palace Coup!

Power brokers inside the White House, said to be so fed up with Obama's procrastinating and reliance on Chicago Slum Lord Valerie Jarrett, who based her advice only in terms of a re election campaign, bi passed the President and set the wheels in motion for the final take down of Bin Laden! The coup, for that is exactly what it was, was spear headed by a frustrated Hillary Clinton who backed C...
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Funny story: King Kenny Wants His Perch Back

King Kenny Wants His Perch Back

According to sources, 'King' Kenny Dalglish is privately furious that Manchester United are all set to overhaul Liverpool's tally of 18 League Titles, and has sent an angry text to Sir Alex Ferguson demanding his perch back. Old Trafford insiders...
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Funny story: The Los Angeles Lakers Are Swept By The Dallas Mavericks - Cheap Shot Artists Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum Are Quickly Traded To The Cleveland Cavaliers

The Los Angeles Lakers Are Swept By The Dallas Mavericks - Cheap Shot Artists Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum Are Quickly Traded To The Cleveland Cavaliers

DALLAS - The once proud Los Angeles Lakers are no more. Their coach Phil Jackson has retired and will head up to Montana where rumor has it he will spend his time counting sheep, branding sheep, and hitting sheep, since he won't have Pau Gasol around...
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Funny story: Paul McCartney Engaged To Marry Girlfriend - Yoko Approves

Paul McCartney Engaged To Marry Girlfriend - Yoko Approves

London - Paul McCartney has announced his engagement to marry longtime girlfriend, Nancy Shevell. While the two have been dating for four years, they'd been nervously waiting final permission from Yoko Ono aka "Dragon Lady" to go forward...
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Funny story: QPR face massive penis reduction

QPR face massive penis reduction

QPR fans are bracing themselves for a massive penis reduction from the Football Association. FA spokesperson Arthur Slaphead-Mason is calling for a 10"reduction and claims "Those big time Charlies have been larging it up for years". QPR fans have...
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Funny story: Max Mosley defends lurid BDSM slurs against 'Churchill: The Hollywood Years' actor

Max Mosley defends lurid BDSM slurs against 'Churchill: The Hollywood Years' actor

London - He's still pretty much sore-assed at the Sunday Smearer lawsuit that saw him win 'paltry' £60,000 damages for hurts suffered by the paper's perverted Nazi sex allegations. But S&M aficionado Max Mosley spoke today in defence of David...
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Funny story: Bin Laden Unhappy With Virgins, Seeks Groupie Trade with Elvis

Bin Laden Unhappy With Virgins, Seeks Groupie Trade with Elvis

As reported earlier today in Afterlife Magazine, a staff medium successfully channeled the posthumous thoughts of Osama Bin Laden in a recent conversation with Elvis, where Bin Laden appears to be disappointed with his newly acquired bevy of virgins.
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Funny story: GOP Advertises on Craigslist for 2012 Candidates. Most Responders Prostitutes!

GOP Advertises on Craigslist for 2012 Candidates. Most Responders Prostitutes!

The wire services are reporting today that, since last weekend's debate in SC, the GOP has been running ads for potential 2012 presidential candidates on Craigslidy. According to sources inside the RNC speaking on condition of anonymity, there have b...
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Funny story: Jedward singing duo absolutely fuming

Jedward singing duo absolutely fuming

Their singing abilities aside, Irish pop duo Jedward are fuming about how the entire lead-up to their Eurovision Song Contest entry has turned into a complete farce for them. Returning from a specialist clinic in Glasgow where they were having the...
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Funny story: Celebrity Apprentice: The Three Black Women Are Out! - NeNe Leakes Quits, And Donald Trump Fires La Toya Jackson and Star Jones

Celebrity Apprentice: The Three Black Women Are Out! - NeNe Leakes Quits, And Donald Trump Fires La Toya Jackson and Star Jones

NEW YORK CITY - In a move that some television media critics are calling highly "interesting," the three Black women who were left on Celebrity Apprentice are all now gone. And many are wondering if that is simply just one heck of a coincidence or...
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Funny story: Clegg Fights Back With NHS Pledge

Clegg Fights Back With NHS Pledge

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has promised to come out fighting after his party's disastrous showing in the local and national elections last week. Clegg has vowed to fight the Conservatives' proposed plans to revamp the National Health Service and ha...
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Funny story: Gordon Brown's Anus Horribilis

Gordon Brown's Anus Horribilis

Gordon Brown has spoken publicly for the first time about his worst ever year - 2010 to 2011 - and the triple whammy of disasters he suffered. First of all, on May 6th, 2010 the Labour party under his leadership were bounced out of government by t...
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Funny story: Alex Salmond Dedicates SNP Triumph

Alex Salmond Dedicates SNP Triumph

Victorious SNP leader Alex Salmond has dedicated his party's stunning victory in last week's Holyrood elections to the Liberal Democrats' current boss Nick Clegg and Labour's former leader Gordon Brown. A delighted Salmond was quick to attribute p...
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Funny story: Coalition Celebrate First Birthday

Coalition Celebrate First Birthday

The Coalition Government has celebrated its first birthday at the five star Montcalm Hotel in London. The first UK Coalition Government for 60 years has had its fair share of ups and downs and there were major doubts expressed by sources on both s...
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Funny story: The Word Out Of Hollywood Is That Pippa Middleton Is Dating The World's Number One Porn Star Ron Jeremy

The Word Out Of Hollywood Is That Pippa Middleton Is Dating The World's Number One Porn Star Ron Jeremy

LOS ANGELES - Just Saying and Say What two of the biggest selling supermarket tabloids are reporting that Pippa Middleton, the sister of Kate Middleton, aka The Duchess of Cambridge is dating the infamous Ron Jeremy. Jeremy, the world's leading ma...
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Funny story: Kim Kardashian and Ray J in 'Fill my Retarded Meathole, C-List Rap Artist': "Two Penises Up" Says Roger Ebert.

Kim Kardashian and Ray J in 'Fill my Retarded Meathole, C-List Rap Artist': "Two Penises Up" Says Roger Ebert.

Kim Kardashian and Ray J in 'Fill my Retarded Meathole, C-List Rap Artist': "Two Penises Up" Says Roger Ebert. (Not his, of course, but...) While Kim Kardashian's sex tape (with whom we assume is her gardener) is getting rave reviews from horndo...
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Funny story: Elderly Woman Wins Entire U.S. Treasury

Elderly Woman Wins Entire U.S. Treasury

In a sweepstakes mix-up that makes the Toyota recall seem like a stroll in the park, Marge Holdstrom,86,of Foxborough,Tennessee, has won the entire contents of the United States Treasury. Treasury officials were stunned to learn that Mrs. Holdstr...
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Funny story: Man Fails to Reconnect With Mother Again

Man Fails to Reconnect With Mother Again

(Portland, Ohio) - After failing last year, Stephen Young was not willing to be rejected by his mother again this year on Mother's day. Stephen, 32, spent the last 364 days contemplating on what he did wrong and on what he needs to do this year i...
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Funny story: Political Problems Plague Pakistan

Political Problems Plague Pakistan

Islamabad PK: Pakistan's president and parliament have resigned under pressure to step down in the wake of three political scandals that boiled over this week, shaking up the government and traumatizing the nation. Al-Qaeda terrorist leader Osama...
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Funny story: Obama Amazed That SEALS Actually Barked At Him: BARRACCK!

Obama Amazed That SEALS Actually Barked At Him: BARRACCK!

President Obama went to Fort Campbell on Friday to welcome back and congratulate SEAL Team Six, the elite Special OPS group that successfully took down Osama bin Laden this past Sunday. There he met privately with these iconic warriors, as no on...
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Funny story: Reshuffled Week Puts End To Tuesday Blues

Reshuffled Week Puts End To Tuesday Blues

The Home Office has announced plans to reshuffle the week in a bid to do away with the 'Tuesday Blues.' Sources close to Prime Minister David Cameron say the plans are a pet project, part of his design to creat the 'Big Society' with a happier pop...
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Funny story: Pompey To Dominate Europe

Pompey To Dominate Europe

Portsmouth FC have a wonderful future as English and European champions according to an expert. The south coast club have endured difficult times recently - they won the FA Cup in 2008, but went into freefall once their Russian oligarch owner lost...
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