Funny story: Begging Letters To The Editor

Begging Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, may I make a plea on behalf of old barmaids? The popular image of the "busty barmaid", so beloved of the saucy postcard and the innuendo-driven sitcom, is a risible and sexually-charged popular image. It is not an image that lends itself to the pathetic, nor does it give pause. And why should it, when that barmaid in question carries the sheen of youthful brio and sex-appeal? B...
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Funny story: New pills to stop her from barking

New pills to stop her from barking

Berkshire - Kate Middleton's ghastly social climber mother is off the largactil and straight back on second generation atypical antypsychotic StollyBollys. Prince Charles' highly recommened Dodgy Originals nux vomica pillules washed down with an i...
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Funny story: Rachel Hunter to release a song not about Rod Stewart

Rachel Hunter to release a song not about Rod Stewart

Rachel Hunter, model and former wife of Rod Stewart is to release the song she wrote back in 1990 but was too embarrassed to release at the time. Entitled Enough Already, YES I think You're Sexy the former Mrs Stewart and mother of two of Rod's ki...
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Funny story: Lead Theft From Linton Church Roof

Lead Theft From Linton Church Roof

The Rev. Hugh Dunnett, Vicar of St Michael's Church in Wharfedale, was distressed to learn about another act of suspected vandalism. Workman checking out the tower noticed that the lead was missing. "It had been up there on the roof for year...
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Funny story: Natalie Portman Denies Double Did 80% of Dancing

Natalie Portman Denies Double Did 80% of Dancing

In a nasty tirade again the real ballerina who doubled for her in Black Swam, Natalie Portman estimated that the double did only about 70% of the dances-not 80%, as the double claims. "That clumsy tart should not have been allowed in any of the s...
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Funny story: World running out of Rich Tea Biscuits as brides-to-be clamour to duplicate Will's favourite cake which he is having especially made to have as alternate at Royal Wedding

World running out of Rich Tea Biscuits as brides-to-be clamour to duplicate Will's favourite cake which he is having especially made to have as alternate at Royal Wedding

The world is running out of Rich Tea biscuits as brides-to-be rush to buy them in bulk in order to duplicate the 2nd wedding cake Prince William has ordered. His favourite bickies are, apparently Rich Tea bickies. He probably sucked on them when he was a baby, and perhpaps still does. Prince William has ordered a Rich Tea and Chocolate cake to be especially made as an alternative to the 'of...
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Funny story: Two men forgot-then two men remembered!

Two men forgot-then two men remembered!

A man left home intending to post a letter on his way to a local pub where he'd often 'have lunch'. Having walked down the hill from where he lives for a hundred or so yards he noticed that another man, a complete stranger, was walking up the hill towards him from the opposite direction. When only a couple of yards separated them the man who'd been walking up the hill suddenly stopped, swore at hi...
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Funny story: Madonna Devastated as she is Eclipsed By Adele

Madonna Devastated as she is Eclipsed By Adele

It has been announced tonight by a leading London Statistics Company that Britain's singing sensation Adele is now even bigger than Madonna. They also went on to say they believe she will continue to be huge for the forseeable future. Her record...
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Funny story: Police on the lookout for a naked man - abducted in Toronto

Police on the lookout for a naked man - abducted in Toronto

Police are on the lookout for a naked man - abducted in Toronto in broad daylight this morning. Unfortunately there were no onlookers with cell phones with video apps. and so no video is available but witnesses said the man was stripped and pushed ki...
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Funny story: Royal Wedding Disaster Feared

Royal Wedding Disaster Feared

Britain is preparing for the Royal Wedding of the century, between Prince William and Kate Middleton, but a great fear has des cended on the nation. Some people oppose the wedding and are going to make their views known, according to police underc...
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Funny story: Jordan To Present US Show From "Geek To Stud"

Jordan To Present US Show From "Geek To Stud"

Jordan has cracked America and is to present a new show in the summer. In the show she has to transform an unpromising geek into a sexy stud. The television executives were shocked by the sarcasm and rudeness of her blunt put-downs of the unfortuna...
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Funny story: The Over 50 Male Rant

The Over 50 Male Rant

As if there weren't already enough rants available on the interwebs, featuring fanatical right or political left, bible thumping religious exclusivity, social, cultural or gender based preeminence, why not one more dedicated to the plight of the modern 50+ year old male. Regardless of race, class, cultural upbringing or religious background, the Over Fifty Male, known in this thread to be the O...
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Funny story: Snoop Doggy Dogg Brings Coeds To White House: Obama Lifts Ban On Exotic Dancers

Snoop Doggy Dogg Brings Coeds To White House: Obama Lifts Ban On Exotic Dancers

From the President of the United States: "In keeping with the tradition of the White House, the ban on exotic dancers performing for my guests has been lifted for financial and moral reasons." The President in his statement, readily admits that in addition to his position as President, he owns a stable of a dozen or more exotic dancers whom he rents out to supplement his paltry salary. In d...
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Funny story: DJ Megatron Found Slain In New York

DJ Megatron Found Slain In New York

New York City- DJ Megatron the hip brother of famous Decepticon, Galvatron, was found shot in the chest and missing his Allspark. Police were alerted by residents after the sounds of plasma fire erupted at around 0200 near a local market. Mul...
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Funny story: Statistics up!

Statistics up!

A recent hard-hitting survey has revealed that statistics have risen upwards at an unprecedented rate and are currently at an all-time high. The shock report reported that a shocking 74% of all statistics are only 39% worthwhile, while 22% of the...
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Funny story: Charlie Sheen Talking Toy Created

Charlie Sheen Talking Toy Created

LOS ANGELES, CA - Mattel, one of America's biggest toy companies, have created a new toy for their 'Celeb' line of toys. The toy, which has a scale of 1cm to 5cm, means the toy is 35cm tall (just over 1ft), and has many of Charlie's greatest phras...
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Funny story: Man Utd most hated company in Britain, survey reveals!

Man Utd most hated company in Britain, survey reveals!

It seems that Manchester United PLC are the most hated company in the UK and Sir Alex Ferguson the most hated manager. Even such renowned "blood-sucking" companies such as Ryanair, British Gas, McDonalds and the corrupt banks failed to reach the l...
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Funny story: George Galloway revealed to be President of Iran

George Galloway revealed to be President of Iran

The Iranian authorities owned up today that their president, Ihaveno Dinnajaquet is in fact not an ignorant, war-mongering, lunatic peasant, but George Galloway, the highly-respected British socialite. In an exclusive interview - devoid of stoning...
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Funny story: Psychologist Matches Luxury Car Models to Personalities

Psychologist Matches Luxury Car Models to Personalities

Personality profiling and monetary spending pattern specialist, Dr. Hugh M. Ongusbeek, released a series of luxury car purchase findings today at the London Annual Psychoanalysis Conference, more affectionately labeled by insiders as the "Head Banger...
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Funny story: X-Factor style judging to be used for immigration applicants

X-Factor style judging to be used for immigration applicants

From the first of May immigration applicants into the UK will face X-Factor style judging to determine their suitability for UK residency. This new policy is to ensure that only talented people are allowed to apply to be resident in the UK. "We h...
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Funny story: Sucking "nuts" is healthy declare scientists!

Sucking "nuts" is healthy declare scientists!

It seems that people who suck "nuts", hetero and gay are expected to live longer than non-suckers. Scientists have been testing guinea pigs and discovered that the one's who suck small amounts every day are in less risk of getting cancer, heart di...
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Funny story: Elizabeth Taylor not dead anymore

Elizabeth Taylor not dead anymore

In one of the most spectacular showbiz stunts pulled during the last hour, it has been revealed that Liz Taylor is not actually dead. In an interview with Britain's most useful woman, Woolly Hollowbee, it was revealed that Liz actually just wanted...
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Funny story: Kid Rock 'Rocks' The American Idol Judges With His Way-Out-Of-Line Insulting Remarks

Kid Rock 'Rocks' The American Idol Judges With His Way-Out-Of-Line Insulting Remarks

DETROIT - Kid Rock has just assumed the role of The Big Bad Wolf and fired off a salvo at Little Red Riding Hood. And in this case Little Red Riding Hood is represented by the American Idol judges, Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson, Jennifer "La Tush...
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Funny story: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's Anti-Union Bill Hits NY Times Best Seller List

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's Anti-Union Bill Hits NY Times Best Seller List

After a Wisconsin District Judge specifically ruled that Gov. Scott Walker's Anti-Union Bill could not be published, Scott Walker went ahead and published it anyway. Doing so has garnered the bill some much-needed publicity. In fact, so much so that...
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Funny story: Ricky Gervais and Kathy Griffin To Host A New Type of Talk Show Called "Warning: We're Talking Hardcore Venom Folks!"

Ricky Gervais and Kathy Griffin To Host A New Type of Talk Show Called "Warning: We're Talking Hardcore Venom Folks!"

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Production Company is on the verge of signing a multi-million dollar contract with Ricky Gervais and Kathy Griffin which will give the two razor-sharp tongued devils their own talk show. Gervais and Griffin w...
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Funny story: Obama Set to Clarify His Chaos and Confusion Foreign Policy Doctrine In Address to the Nation!

Obama Set to Clarify His Chaos and Confusion Foreign Policy Doctrine In Address to the Nation!

After being on TV 7 times a day for the first year and a half of his reign, President Obama has been conspicuously absent in the past 6 months as world and domestic events have spun out of control and the US ship of state appears not only rudderless,...
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Funny story: Capello to boo all future renditions of 'God Save the Queen.'

Capello to boo all future renditions of 'God Save the Queen.'

England coach Fabio Capello has vowed to boo 'God Save the Queen' at all future football Internationals after captain John Terry revealed the Welsh fans doing so before their Euro 2012 qualifier had instilled the motivation to win their manager repea...
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Funny story: Black Swan Brought Out Natalie's Dark Side

Black Swan Brought Out Natalie's Dark Side

The Oscar winning actress has been slated by her 'body' double for not given her any praise or recognition for her ballet dancing. Sarah Parker did '95%' of the ballet dancing in the film where Portman portrays a 'psychotic' ballet dancer. Natali...
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Funny story: Sheen's "Tiger's Blood" Memoir Yet To Find A Publisher

Sheen's "Tiger's Blood" Memoir Yet To Find A Publisher

A spokesman for Charlie Sheen has not hired literary rep Peter McGuigan despite the agent touting for business with publishers to sell a Sheen Memoir. Publishers have not bought the memoirs because of Sheen's 'unpredictable behaviour' and the high...
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Funny story: Service sector workers to be given new performance targets

Service sector workers to be given new performance targets

New Key Performance Indicators are to be introduced for service sector workers, following shocking reports into negligence and slack working practices. One mail delivery worker, operating in the small Yorkshire village of Greendale, has an appall...
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Funny story: "Trouser Snake" is Now Flying Solo After Embarrassing Party Speech By Biel

"Trouser Snake" is Now Flying Solo After Embarrassing Party Speech By Biel

It has emerged that love rat Justin Timberlake has split with 'on-off' girlfriend Jessica Biel after she threw an 'awkward' party for him and gave a gushing speech. In her eulogy Biel admitted when she first fancied Justin she 'stalked him' for week...
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Funny story: Fabio Makes Final Decision on Captaincy

Fabio Makes Final Decision on Captaincy

England manager Fabio Capello has finally clarified the position regarding the captaincy of the top team. Over the last few weeks, the under pressure boss has taken the job away from Manchester United's Rio Ferdinand and handed it back to Chelsea'...
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Funny story: Capello to name another new captain

Capello to name another new captain

With half of the victorious side that defeated the Welsh on Saturday sent back to their clubs boss Fabio Capello has had to think of a new captain for Tuesday nights match against Ghana. John Terry's wife has an order requesting Tezza is not allow...
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Funny story: Fern Britton's New Chat Show - TV Repair Man Issues Warning

Fern Britton's New Chat Show - TV Repair Man Issues Warning

When Fern Britton launches her new chat show on Channel 4 today she will hope to please one viewer in particular - TV Repair Man. The vigilante, who has vowed to rid the TV schedules of reality shows and banal daytime programming, will be watching...
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Funny story: Only the good die young

Only the good die young

Biologists at Woking University have shown that resting is the ultimate cause of premature death among Westerners. "Basically," said Professor Emett Brown, "when a body is at rest, it has lost all energy and is at its lowest state of entropy. This...
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Funny story: Cobra Gone Missing at the Bronx Zoo; Is Lady Gaga Involved?

Cobra Gone Missing at the Bronx Zoo; Is Lady Gaga Involved?

The cobra is only 20 inches long, but it's dangerous. Yikes! Supposedly it's somewhere in the reptile house, which is, for now, closed to the public -- until the snake is found. But then again, the cobra could have already just said, "I'm outta...
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Funny story: Scotland Boss Proud after Brazil Friendly

Scotland Boss Proud after Brazil Friendly

Scotland manager Craig Levein has declared himself "proud and honoured to have been comprehensively beaten by Brazil" at the Emirates yesterday. The bespectacled boss, usually very measured in his post match comments, was positively gushing in his...
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Funny story: Old Firm Fans To Take SFA To Court

Old Firm Fans To Take SFA To Court

Rangers and Celtic fans will take the Scottish Football Association to the European Court of Human Rights if they either arrange Old Firm games for Monday nights or force them to be played behind closed doors. Old Firm supporters groups have appoi...
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Funny story: New Network Plans to Change the Face of Old Family Shows, Sort Of

New Network Plans to Change the Face of Old Family Shows, Sort Of

NEW YORK, NY - There's going to be a new network in town soon, and it's already creating waves in the world of television. The NASTV network will begin transmissions next week, and the name says it all...nasty tv programming. What this channel plans...
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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider causes DEATH says UK intellectual heavyweight

Large Hadron Collider causes DEATH says UK intellectual heavyweight

Steven Hawkins (Hackney carriage licence number 666) explained his new theory, "It's like this innit." "That Hadron collider thingy is making little black holes an little black holes try an suck everything in don't they. So the whole world is being sucked into France. "No wonder there's all these earthquakes and cyclones and hurricanes and what not killin people all over the place. Stands...
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Funny story: Bollywood's Aishwarya Rai Outraged At Madonna's Arrogant Remarks About India

Bollywood's Aishwarya Rai Outraged At Madonna's Arrogant Remarks About India

BOMBAY - One of Bollywood's most respected actresses, Aishwarya Rai, has stated that she does not appreciate the recent remarks that the former singer known as Madonna made about her home country of India. Madonna, told the supermarket tabloid, Ju...
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Funny story: Ask Dr. Billingsgate

Ask Dr. Billingsgate

This feature represents all that is bad about question and answer journalism. However, I feel there is a need for this in today's society, where ramshackle questions demand the courtesy of a relevant response. Dear Dr. Billingsgate, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did your wife manage to crazy glue your testicles to the bed frame without waking your dog? My husband, Bill, sleeps...
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