Funny story: National Association for Punctuality Moves to Ban Snooze Buttons

National Association for Punctuality Moves to Ban Snooze Buttons

Your morning mantra of "just a few more minutes" may be over soon--at least if the National Association for Punctuality (NAP) has anything to say about it. On Dec. 7, the organization filed a suit that could ban the addition of snooze buttons on a...
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Funny story: Jon Corzine Fingers Mr. Potter; Says Life's Not So Wonderful

Jon Corzine Fingers Mr. Potter; Says Life's Not So Wonderful

Washington DC - Failed hedge fund CEO Jon Corzine yesterday called on a House Subcommittee to arrest Henry F. Potter, a Bedford Falls banker and slumlord, for fraud and malfeasance in connection with the collapse of Corzine's MF Global Hedge Fund and...
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Funny story: Paris liberated from German occupation thanks to aspartame

Paris liberated from German occupation thanks to aspartame

PARIS - (Rooters) A company of soldiers, in which I was embedded, invaded Paris today. Equipped with purified-aspartame spray throwers we managed to drive the Germans back to Germany. The German front is now quiet. In order to drive all the...
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Funny story: Newt isn't sure he is running for president or promoting his brand

Newt isn't sure he is running for president or promoting his brand

Washington--Newt Gingrich isn't sure if he is running for president or just promoting his production company. "Instead of campaigning, I am signing books. What the hell? I want to be taken as a serious presidential candidate. Sure, Obama did it w...
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Funny story: Rick Perry's Muppet ad incites fans of show

Rick Perry's Muppet ad incites fans of show

AUSTIN, Tx. - Rick Perry, who has recently released a slew of 30-second spots promoting his stance on several points, continues to anger Democrats, this time by attacking the child-friendly Muppets. Entitled, "Those Rat-Bastard Heathen Communist M...
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Funny story: Man arrested over teenager's tab death

Man arrested over teenager's tab death

Smokers have been warned about increasing levels of violence involving cigarette stubs. In a nicotine-related attack, a 17-year-old youth died in unexpected circumstances. A post-mortem revealed John Fagg had been strangled by a string of tab ends...
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Funny story: Glasgow police arrest kissing lodger

Glasgow police arrest kissing lodger

A lodger wanted in connection with an assault on his landlord was arrested yesterday. For several years 51-year-old Hugh Yewlukinat had been living in lodgings in the Glasgow district. According to sauces left on the kitchen table, he'd recently s...
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Funny story: 'If you're running for President, don't have sex--if you do, have it with your wife', Cain

'If you're running for President, don't have sex--if you do, have it with your wife', Cain

ATLANTA - In the days after his announcement that he was suspending his run for President, Herman Cain has done some soul searching regarding his conduct in the years leading up to his 15 minutes in the limelight. "I shouldn't have ever had sex wi...
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Funny story: X-Factor: 13-Year-Old Rachel Crow Gets Sent Home Sobbing Uncontrollably, Nicole Scherzinger Is Booed, and Paula Abdul Wants A Raise

X-Factor: 13-Year-Old Rachel Crow Gets Sent Home Sobbing Uncontrollably, Nicole Scherzinger Is Booed, and Paula Abdul Wants A Raise

HOLLYWOOD - Well thanks to Rachel Crow, Nicole Scherzinger, and Paula Abdul, the combined team record for shedding tears that had been held by the team of John Boehner, Brett Favre, and Glenn Beck has been shattered. The latest edition of X-Factor...
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Funny story: Queen to abdicate this lunar eclipse weekend

Queen to abdicate this lunar eclipse weekend

London - At their 'Fourth Protocol' bunker at RAF Valley in Anglesey, Wales, Kate and Wills are having none of it, of course. Daft superstitions hold no fear for this royal gravy train branch line whose own wedding took place on the 66th annivers...
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Funny story: Cameron says 'F**k off' to Europe

Cameron says 'F**k off' to Europe

After a marathon night of negotiations regarding Europe debt and sovereign power the Brit Prime Minister David Cameron issued the Churchilian two fingered salute to the Germans and the French. Although the official talk was of taxing the financial...
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Funny story: Panic as Rymans runs out of shredders three days into mobile phone tap enquiry

Panic as Rymans runs out of shredders three days into mobile phone tap enquiry

The mobile phone hacking enquiry, currently being held by Lord Leveson in the bike sheds at News International, has found itself in dire straits, although in this case it's nothing to do with the rock group of the same name. However, "money for nothi...
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Funny story: Exit Stage: Group

Exit Stage: Group

Manchester: the epicentre of football. Well, the epicentre of Thursday night Channel Five football. Instead of the Bernabeu in the next round Manchester City will be looking to the Britannia stadium for their midweek football. As Man City prepare to...
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Funny story: Letters to Santa

Letters to Santa

Angela Merkel: Dear Santa Claus, please bring me a new jacket. I fear that should I giggle when next Nicky (Sarkozy) tickles me, I will pop a button. Even two or three. President Sarkozy: Dear Père Noël, please bring me an inflatable doll but the doll must be as sexy as my dear little angel - Angela Merkel. She's German, but not to worry about that - Hitler's dead after all. Pope Benedict: D...
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Funny story: Germany prepares V2 rockets to target deadbeats

Germany prepares V2 rockets to target deadbeats

BRUXELLES - German Chancellor Angela Merkel screamed at the summit here to this reporter: "The Euro just doesn't get any respect! Ve Vill Ve Vill Vocket You." She ordered the European Commission and the European Court of Justice to use powerful V2...
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Funny story: Nicki Minaj Says That Madonna's Kiss Right On Her Lips Was So Erotically Sensuous It Even Made Her Playpen Tingle With Joy

Nicki Minaj Says That Madonna's Kiss Right On Her Lips Was So Erotically Sensuous It Even Made Her Playpen Tingle With Joy

NEW YORK CITY - Nicki Minaj tweeted that she kissed a girl and she liked it. The girl is actually a woman formerly known as Madonna. Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight stated that the rap singer, who just turned 29, said that she has been ki...
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Funny story: William Hague to meet Euro counterparts in Paris

William Hague to meet Euro counterparts in Paris

William Hague is to meet with his European counterparts in January, to discuss the state of the Euro currency. Mr Hague commented: "It seems I have to go to a Paris hotel-room soon, for a meeting with the European heads of state, something to do w...
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Funny story: Penn State Requests Jerry Sandusky To Not Wear Penn State "Sweats" When Being Arrested

Penn State Requests Jerry Sandusky To Not Wear Penn State "Sweats" When Being Arrested

The Board of Trustees of Pennsylvania State University has unanimously passed a resolution to ask Jerry Sandusky to please stop wearing Penn State sweat suits every time he gets arrested. It was at a Happy Valley news conference that Peter Fillia, C...
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Funny story: Prime Minister summoned to Reichstag

Prime Minister summoned to Reichstag

Downing Street is in a flap as it can not find the traditional Homburg had for the Prime Minister's visit to the German Chancellery on Friday. For the traditional exchange of gifts when leaders meet, Cameron has chosen a boxed set of ''Alo 'Alo 'a...
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Funny story: Brussels sprouts to save the Euro

Brussels sprouts to save the Euro

BRUSSELS - Hate Brussels sprouts? You'll really hate Brussels punishment for lack of budgetary discipline. That's right. According to our mole, a janitor at the conference, leaders of the European Central Bank have come up with the ultimate punishment for governments that do not pay back their loans. Germany was pushing for firing squad. The French were pushing the guilloti...
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