Funny story: Mourinho To Set Up Real Madrid v Schalke 'Alternative' Champions League Final

Mourinho To Set Up Real Madrid v Schalke 'Alternative' Champions League Final

If things don't go their way in next week's CL semi-final second leg ties, it is thought that Jose Mourinho will arrange for an alternative Champions League final tie, between Real Madrid and Schalke 04 at Bolton Wanderers' Reebok Stadium. It is b...
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Funny story: Obama Releases Original Nebraska Birth Certificate

Obama Releases Original Nebraska Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON - In response to countless claims from critics, President Barack Obama on Wednesday revealed his original, long form, detailed Nebraska birth certificate in an extraordinary attempt to finally bring to end the issue of where he was born an...
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Funny story: Man Attacked by Hamburger

Man Attacked by Hamburger

Atlanta - Keith Henderson, 22, of Peach Tree City was attacked earlier today by a Big Mac. Mr. Henderson was enjoying his regular meal at a local fast food joint when the sandwich he was about to eat jumped out of his hands and attacked him. Mr...
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Funny story: Punter stands to scoop £1 million if royal nuptials bombs

Punter stands to scoop £1 million if royal nuptials bombs

London - The bet will pay out odds of 100,000/1 to a £10 stake if HM the Queen croaks it 'to the extent they have to cancel the wedding'. Mug punta Anthony B Lair took out the wager - maybe on a tip-off - after the MI6 code words 'Kate Will Wear...
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Funny story: Government Enforces 'Asswipe' Tax on 'Tax Whiners'

Government Enforces 'Asswipe' Tax on 'Tax Whiners'

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A new bill designed last week will be enforced today. Although the financial year started on 1st April, the government are still beating off criticism from citizens that paying income tax, state tax, or federal tax - or all of...
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Funny story: The Leaflet for the "Being a Fricking Whiner Because of Taxes Act Tax"

The Leaflet for the "Being a Fricking Whiner Because of Taxes Act Tax"

NOTE: This leaflet is part of the new government program to stop tax evaders being idiots. SO - YOU'VE DECIDED TO STOP PAYING THE UNITED STATES* GOVERNMENT TAXES? This leaflet will show you the routes you - and we - can take to make sure that your wish of continuing your asshole behaivor comes true! - Move to Somalia. As you probably are a gun-toting, immigrant hater, you'll be able to...
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Funny story: SAS will be in false trees at Royal Wedding.

SAS will be in false trees at Royal Wedding.

Extra security precautions are to be taken by the SAS at Friday's royal wedding to protect the royal family and guests from terrorists. Eight twenty foot high artificial English maple trees are to be positioned around Westminster Abbey with up to...
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Funny story: Obama Releases 8mm Home Movie Proving He was Born in USA

Obama Releases 8mm Home Movie Proving He was Born in USA

Honolulu HI - A newly released home movie provided by President Obama may be the key to providing definitive proof that the President actually was born in the Hawaii. The movie, shot in the grainy 8mm film format popular in 1961, shows an expectant m...
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Funny story: Reese Witherspoon: "Yeah, I'm Into Bondage"

Reese Witherspoon: "Yeah, I'm Into Bondage"

Hollywood, CA - America's Sweetheart and favorite chick flick blond has come clean about what she likes in the bedroom. And it isn't Water For Elephants. "Me and my ex Ryan (Mr. Phillippe-Witherspoon) broke up for way different reasons than e...
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Funny story: Obama: I Ain't a White Devil-It's a Skin Disease!

Obama: I Ain't a White Devil-It's a Skin Disease!

Becoming much more than the political chameleon that changes from liberal activist to fascist mother-fucker in the blink of an eye, President Obama appears to have gone under the knife to bring himself permanently closer to the corporate crooks that now control the United States Government. In a revealing interview on the Oprah Show, Obama reacted with surprise that anyone should question his o...
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Funny story: Astrologer Says: "Kate Middleton Is A Typical, Bleeping C************

Astrologer Says: "Kate Middleton Is A Typical, Bleeping C************

London, England - Paisley Andrews, an astrologer with a royal cosmic gripe, says she's looked at Kate's chart and knows the truth. "She's a typical C-word….no, not THAT one… the other C-word: Capricorn. Actually, Capricorns are c**ts so the t...
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Funny story: Royal Wedding in Britain Leads to Royal Arsed Row in Colonies Over TV Rights!

Royal Wedding in Britain Leads to Royal Arsed Row in Colonies Over TV Rights!

Repercussions from the Royal Wedding continue to escalate in the Colonies causing additional family strife for local man Wally Wordsmithe as his Anglophile wife 'goes over the top' in abject adulation of the impending Mutant Monarchy Matrimon...
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Funny story: Termites eat millions of rupees in bank and get belly ache!

Termites eat millions of rupees in bank and get belly ache!

As if the "Delhi belly" wasn't bad enough it seems now that even Indian money is not particularly digestable! Termites residing in an Indian bank in Uttar Pradesh decided to eat Rupee bank notes instead of their usual diet of carcases of dead slum...
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Funny story: A New Attack on President Obama

A New Attack on President Obama

Shortly after the media reported that American President Barrack Obama has, officially, released his long-form Birth Certificate, word is out that the Republicans, and the TEA Party, are, already, preparing a new round of attacks. According to an...
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Funny story: Fergie Celebrates United Win Over Schalke With Fish Pedicure

Fergie Celebrates United Win Over Schalke With Fish Pedicure

Following Manchester United's impressive Champions League semi-final demolition of Schalke 04 in Gelsenkirchen, United boss Sir Alex Ferguson decided to celebrate in a most unorthodox manner. Goals from silky footed veteran, Ryan Giggs, and Wayne...
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Funny story: World Wrestling Champion Chris Jericho "Tossed Off" Dancing With The Stars

World Wrestling Champion Chris Jericho "Tossed Off" Dancing With The Stars

HOLLYWOOD - Well now there are only a half dozen celebrity contestants left on Dancing With The Stars as the latest 'Results Show' saw wrestling champ Chris Jericho 'thrown off' the show. Jericho, whom host Tom Bergeron said was one of the nicest...
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Funny story: Royal Wedding News: Fernando Torres To Stage Re-enactment Of His First Chelsea Goal

Royal Wedding News: Fernando Torres To Stage Re-enactment Of His First Chelsea Goal

Chelsea striker Fernando Torres, who scored his first goal in a Blues shirt in the 3-0 win over West Ham last weekend, is to be allowed to stage a re-enactment of the goal at the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton on Friday. Torres...
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Funny story: Coyle Pulls Out Of Sugababes Gig

Coyle Pulls Out Of Sugababes Gig

Sugababes have reportedly been forced to perform as a duo for their Wembley Stadium gigs after Nadine Coyle has been ruled out on medical grounds. According to sources close to the group, Coyle has been ordered to not speak for at least 24 hours d...
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Funny story: President Obama Birth Certificate 'Locked In A Vault Since Birth' Claim Arouses Suspicion

President Obama Birth Certificate 'Locked In A Vault Since Birth' Claim Arouses Suspicion

The release of President Barack Obama's birth certificate in order to prove that he was born on US territory - making him eligible to lead the country - has opened a whole new 'can of worms', it can be revealed, with opponents claiming the paperwork...
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Funny story: Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Heidi Montag Have Just Finished Filming Their X-Rated Movie "The Naked PMS'ing Lesbian Vampire Bitches From Hell"

Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Heidi Montag Have Just Finished Filming Their X-Rated Movie "The Naked PMS'ing Lesbian Vampire Bitches From Hell"

SHERMAN OAKS, California - Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Heidi Montag were hanging out by the pool at Montag's $7.7 million Sherman Oaks mansion Plasticland Manor celebrating their soon-to-be released film, The Naked PMS'ing Lesbian Vampire Bi...
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Funny story: Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs Announce 2012 GOP Presidential Bid

Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs Announce 2012 GOP Presidential Bid

The announcement came late yesterday via Youtube, facebook, emails, and a fifteen-minute special on Fox News. There she was, Snow Whitee and the Seven Dwarfs: Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, & Grumpy. Speaking for herself and...
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Funny story: Doctors will bleed the Queen one last time

Doctors will bleed the Queen one last time

London - The ancient ceremony dates back to Bloody Mary days when loyal courtiers were rewarded with a tot of HM's O-negative. Royal physician Sir Harold Shipman-Culpepper performed today's blood-letting rite despite last week's reprimand for leav...
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Funny story: Celtic and Rangers to merge in order to join the English Premier League

Celtic and Rangers to merge in order to join the English Premier League

Glasgow Celtic and Rangers have requested to be part of the Premier League next season, but such a move would mean two teams disallowed from promotion from the Championship, which has angered several teams from Norwich to Nottingham Forest. "They...
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Funny story: Pub Singer Arrested

Pub Singer Arrested

A pub singer in a Bermondsey pub was arrested and jailed overnight after singing "I'm Not In Love" in front of a newly married couple. Jack Taylor, who sings three nights a week at the Dog and Duck pub in Bermondsey High Street, London had just st...
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Funny story: Kate Middleton: I'm no virgin.

Kate Middleton: I'm no virgin.

Miss Kate Middleton, to be metamorphosed into Princes Catherine in 48 hours, is taking legal action against two London tabloids - 'The Pun' and 'The Daily Wale'. In an exclusive interview with the hard-news daily 'The Whines' Miss Middleton explai...
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Funny story: Man Utd, Schalke: An Apology

Man Utd, Schalke: An Apology

It has come to our attention that there was an inaccuracy in our preview of the European Championship tie between FC Schalke 04 and Manchester United yesterday. Under the headline Manchester United's Wayne Rooney To Be Subject To Schalke Winking C...
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Funny story: Gazza Embarassed By Super Injunction

Gazza Embarassed By Super Injunction

Former England international Paul Gascoigne has revealed he took out a Carlsberg Super Injunction in 2005 to protect his privacy, but admits that it was a mistake. The Geordie, who made 57 appearances for England and scored 10 goals, has been wagi...
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Funny story: Avram Grant Denies Having Death Wish Syndrome

Avram Grant Denies Having Death Wish Syndrome

Beleaguered West Ham United boss Avram Grant has denied that he possesses a masochistic streak that makes him only take on impossible tasks. Grant, whose club is currently 2nd bottom of the Premiership and has very rarely been out of the bottom th...
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Funny story: Bakery Giants See Turnover Rise

Bakery Giants See Turnover Rise

UK bakery giants Greggs have reported pre tax profits of £4.5 million for the year ending March 31st, 2011. More than half of the High Street shop's profits can be attributed to the success of their newest confection, the Royal Turnover, a delicio...
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Funny story: Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato To Record A CD Featuring Updated Versions Of Beatles Songs

Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato To Record A CD Featuring Updated Versions Of Beatles Songs

LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber has stated that he will be going into The West Coast Woodstock Recording Studio located in Tarzana to record a CD featuring updated Beatles songs. Bieber, who has rewritten most of the songs that will be appearing on th...
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Funny story: Donald Trump's Birther Problem: Where Are those Wives REALLY From?

Donald Trump's Birther Problem: Where Are those Wives REALLY From?

Recent investigations into Donald Trump's personal background may threaten his presidential bid, according to Fordham University investigative journalism professor O.D. Ebby. "Mr. Trump's birther attacks on President Obama may be a shrewd attemp...
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Funny story: More Americans Moving To Small Towns, Wish To Hell They Hadn't

More Americans Moving To Small Towns, Wish To Hell They Hadn't

Wall street, New York - As the economic crisis deepens in the U.S., many Americans are being advised by financial gurus to relocate to smaller towns where the cost of living is much lower and they can afford to purchase food, clothing, and the oc...
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Funny story: Wolverhampton Wanderers Manager Mick McCarthy May Lose Council House If Wolves Are Relegated

Wolverhampton Wanderers Manager Mick McCarthy May Lose Council House If Wolves Are Relegated

The nipsy of Mick McCarthy, the Wolverhampton Wanderers manager, was twitching this morning after it was revealed that, should the Premier League club be relegated to the Championship at the end of the season, then the Yorkshireman may face losing hi...
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Funny story: An Excerpt From "The Very First Summer of Rebecca Emmons" Part Six.

An Excerpt From "The Very First Summer of Rebecca Emmons" Part Six.

An excerpt From "The Very First Summer of Rebecca Emmons," a novel by Anthony Rosania. But I'm not experienced. They had sex with her because they could. No other reason. Miss Sommers had sex with the girl because it was daring and different and wrong, and because she could. The girl knew that. She did not kid herself about it. With all of them, the ones she remembered, she had felt, then,...
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Funny story: The Obvious, Binary Opposition to Attendance is Truancy OR How Doc Saved My Life. (Part 1)

The Obvious, Binary Opposition to Attendance is Truancy OR How Doc Saved My Life. (Part 1)

As I recall, I was grounded for most of Reagan's first Presidential term. I was a "F--k Up", so my mother seared into my psyche as if branding a cow. In light of this fact, attendance in school would have cut great swaths in the time I had to socialize. Recognizing that there were only two available choices, and that the obvious binary opposition to attendance at school is truancy, I decided t...
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Funny story: Gossip who used to know Kate Middleton called "Royal Correspondent"

Gossip who used to know Kate Middleton called "Royal Correspondent"

LONDON, UK - Mary Younger, a part-time temp worker living in Manchester, is currently employed by the BBC as the station's so-called "Royal Correspondent" for the coverage of Friday's wedding between Middleton and the Prince of Wales. Younger's sole...
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Funny story: First Non-Gay Man Admits He Cried During Titanic

First Non-Gay Man Admits He Cried During Titanic

After fourteen years of men hiding the fact that they cried during the movie "Titanic", William Manson came out today and told the public that he cried during Titanic. Before William, there was another man to admit he cried during the movie, but...
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Funny story: Spam Is The Only Food On The Menu At Royal Wedding

Spam Is The Only Food On The Menu At Royal Wedding

London, England-- The only thing being served at the royal wedding on Friday is Spam. The infamous 'ham in a can' is the only thing the royal family eats--ever. Picky eaters and devout muslims are warned to stay away from the reception--even the we...
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