Funny story: Lift, Tuck and Tighten

Lift, Tuck and Tighten

For years we have relied upon surgical procedures to keep us looking thin, young and fantastic. Tuck the tummy, lift the face, enlarge the breasts; the list goes on and on. There is one body part that many forget; which we are going to bring attention to. The hand. The hand is used everyday for an unlimited amount of tasks. But when the skin begins to sag and sun damage sets in, we are left wi...
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Funny story: Robert Pattinson Fans: What Type Are You?

Robert Pattinson Fans: What Type Are You?

CALLING ALL ROBERT PATTINSON FANS! WHAT TYPE OF ROBERT PATTINSON FAN ARE YOU? We're celebrating the upcoming release of Robert Pattinson's hot new movie Water For Elephants - in which he stars with Reese Widdershins - by offering RPatz fans the opportunity to win one of the following RPatz-tastico prizes: * an emery stick * a lucky hare's ear * an artist's impression o...
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Funny story: Fixtures company Targeted by protesters

Fixtures company Targeted by protesters

A new Facebook group has been set up and is gaining momentum as ordinary people are rebelling against the draconian nature of the company behind the football fixtures. "Have you read the terms and conditions for the fixture list? It's under the li...
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Funny story: US website names Brit hyper-injunction celebs

US website names Brit hyper-injunction celebs

Cyberspace - LA FagHagSlagMag today named a 'high profile Opus Dei slag' caught stalking prominent UK politicians. The sordid $$$ millions sextortion racket identifies George W Bush bastard spawn Ms Lucrezia Borgia Ratzinger-Bush. Her lurid Su...
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Funny story: Jo Yeates landlord sues Sunday Smearer

Jo Yeates landlord sues Sunday Smearer

Bristol - The judge who doshed up Max 'S&M' Mosley £60,000 for hurt feelings in an alleged Nazi ass-whip defamation will hear the case. Mr Justice Eady will decide the invasion of privacy 'with libel knobs on' law suit following the dropping o...
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Funny story: The man who got things the wrong way round

The man who got things the wrong way round

Life was difficult for Bob. He always got things the wrong way round. Instead of asking for Eel Pie he asked for lee eip. You can imagine the reaction in the East End. He had a small circle of friends: Pip, Anna, Dud, Lil, Viv and Eve as well as Mum, Dad, Nan and Sis. He liked some numbers. There was no problem up to 9 and after that it was 11 22 222 666 etc. He took an interest in religion...
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Funny story: Pia Toscano Returns To Sing On American Idol - Mark Ballas aka &quotPia's Boyfriend" Sits In The Audience And Cheers Her On

Pia Toscano Returns To Sing On American Idol - Mark Ballas aka "Pia's Boyfriend" Sits In The Audience And Cheers Her On

HOLLYWOOD - Pia Toscano, was back by popular demand. The producer of American Idol stated that he received over 20 million text messages, emails, phone calls, and singing telegrams (NPI) asking him to invite her back to sing on the AI stage. And the shows producer Simon Shindlebocker showed that he listens to his viewers and not only brought her back but also had four previous eliminated contes...
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Funny story: The Middleton's Speak Out - EXCLUSIVE

The Middleton's Speak Out - EXCLUSIVE

In a dramatic last minute intervention the Middleton's have spoken out against their daughter Kate's marriage to Wilhelm Schwlzig-Holstein (going under the name of Windsor or Wales). Mr Middleton was adamant. 'What is wrong with the name Middleton...
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Funny story: One dimensional universe - I kid you not!

One dimensional universe - I kid you not!

Fans of stupid theories are today celebrating following the announcement of the latest fanciful notion. According to Devan Stokovioj from the University of Buffalos, the universe 'exploded from a single point and was very, very small at first -- w...
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Funny story: Newcastle City Council Considers City Name Change

Newcastle City Council Considers City Name Change

After some months debate, the City Council of Newcastle have decided to change the city's name. Liberal councillors felt that the word "castle" is too militaristic and wished to change it to something more gentle. Proposed alternative names inclu...
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Funny story: Vatican Denies Good Friday Meat Feast Pizza Orders

Vatican Denies Good Friday Meat Feast Pizza Orders

Vatican officials today angrily refuted an internet rumour that a total of 820 meat feast pizzas, 200 porcetta sandwiches, and 400 portions of suckling pig have been ordered for a Good Friday meat-up in the Vatican Museums. "This is a nasty unfoun...
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Funny story: Daybreak (with Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley) to receive major NVQ award

Daybreak (with Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley) to receive major NVQ award

ITV's flagship TV morning programme, Daybreak, is in the running for an award despite audience numbers taking a hammering over recent months. Presenters Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley - or "grumpy and the giggling airhead" as they have b...
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Funny story: Unemployed empty heir-head Kate parades her skeletal remains

Unemployed empty heir-head Kate parades her skeletal remains

London - A Kings Road shopping expedition has seen Kate Middleton invest in falsies to insert under her bridal gown following a public outcry about her emaciated form. "If she was a Dartmoor pony there'd be an outcry to the RSPCA," a worried Whors...
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Funny story: Obama extends NASA powers over 'Tracy Island' UFO command HQ cover-up

Obama extends NASA powers over 'Tracy Island' UFO command HQ cover-up

Alaska - An executive order first signed by LBJ has seen US military documents about Alaska's Mount Hayes ringfenced for another 100 years it was reported this week. President Obama extended a NASA cover-up over the 8,000ft peak amid mounting Pent...
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Funny story: Fergie To Eclipse Real Madrid By Dropping Premiership Trophy Under A Tank

Fergie To Eclipse Real Madrid By Dropping Premiership Trophy Under A Tank

Manchester United boss, Sir Alex Ferguson has vowed to go one better than Jose Mourinho's Real Madrid by dropping the Premiership trophy under the tracks of a Challenger tank, should United fend off late title charges from rivals Chelsea and Arsenal.
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Funny story: Wolverhampton Brought To Standstill By Sheep

Wolverhampton Brought To Standstill By Sheep

Police were desperately trying to get Wolverhampton city centre moving again ths afternoon after it was gridlocked by herds of sheep. The bleating woolly-backs blocked all the main routes into and out of the centre and proved extremely difficult t...
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Funny story: Donald Trump: "Jesus was born in Weirton, West Virginia!"

Donald Trump: "Jesus was born in Weirton, West Virginia!"

In an interview with Katie Couric, on Wednesday, Donald Trump once again stunned the audience with the statement that, "Jesus was born in Weirton, West Virginia and not in Bethlehem!" The interview was immediately picked up by all major news media, cable television, and the photosphere. Here is the interview in part: Couric: "But Mr. Trump, this just isn't true!" Trump replied: "Excuse m...
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Funny story: Intelligent Design finally reveal the identity of the Designer: Chuck Norris

Intelligent Design finally reveal the identity of the Designer: Chuck Norris

The Discovery Institute, the secret headquarters of James Bond's biggest foe, Intelligent Design, has revealed that the designer in their theory is Chuck Norris. William Behe, the evil genius mastermind behind Intelligent Design, believes he is th...
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Funny story: Quaddaffy Celebrates Arrival of Italian Troops With All You Can Eat Spaghetti Buffet!

Quaddaffy Celebrates Arrival of Italian Troops With All You Can Eat Spaghetti Buffet!

Libyan Dictator Muammar Quaddaffy said 'things couldn't get any better' after hearing Silvio Berlusconi was sending some 'crack' Italian troops to join "Petain's Marauders', France's elite front line shock troops, to administer proper protocol in...
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Funny story: Black pudding is new super-food!

Black pudding is new super-food!

The centuries-old breakfast favourite, Black Pudding, has been rated as a super-food by leading top nutritionists at the Didcott Food and Drink Research Laboratories. A report reveals that black pudding has now joined the ranks of super-healthy fo...
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Funny story: Chelsea Pile On The Pressure In Title Race

Chelsea Pile On The Pressure In Title Race

Chelsea maintained the pressure on league leaders Manchester United last night with an emphatic 3-1 rout of Birmingham City; Kalou and a Malouda brace figuring on the score sheet. It must be worrying for the Blues though, that Fernando Torres exte...
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Funny story: Designer mosquitoes to end malaria forever

Designer mosquitoes to end malaria forever

Bethesda Maryland - Dr. Whineez, of a secret lab here, believes he is able to change the DNA of wild mosquitoes in order to end malaria. In his lab, he made a gene invade an entire controlled population of mosquitoes, by just starting with one 'in...
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Funny story: Arsenal Pledge To Battle To The Bitter End

Arsenal Pledge To Battle To The Bitter End

As far as most neutrals are concerned, when Arsenal conceded a 3-1 lead to bitter rivals, Tottenham at White Hart Lane their title challenge effectively ended. In a pulsating game, Arsenal cruised into a 3-1 lead before half time, with goals from...
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Funny story: Animals threaten strike

Animals threaten strike

The heads of the sheep union, MOO (the Movement against Ovine Oppression), and the horses union, BAA (Brotherhood of Asinine Animals) have joined together to threaten a strike unless certain conditions are met. Through a human interpreter, Herbert...
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Funny story: Act Of Settlement "Blatantly Anti-Catholic" Shock!

Act Of Settlement "Blatantly Anti-Catholic" Shock!

Irish Catholics in Britain would have been shocked to learn that the constitutional device that keeps their co-religionists from acceding to the throne is "anti-catholic." Under the headline 'Act of Settlement Is Blatantly Anti-Catholic' UK weekly...
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Funny story: Country Singer Chely Wright Says She's Found The 'Wright' Woman And Lesbian Wedding Bells Will Be Ringing In August

Country Singer Chely Wright Says She's Found The 'Wright' Woman And Lesbian Wedding Bells Will Be Ringing In August

WILLAMANTIC, Connecticut - Country music singer Chely Wright 40, who came out of the bunkhouse closet last year and told the world that she is a full-fledged lesbianite has just announced that on August 20, 2011, she is getting herself 'hitched' as t...
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Funny story: Lady Gaga Angrily Tells Madonna That She Did Not Copy Her Stupid Little Song

Lady Gaga Angrily Tells Madonna That She Did Not Copy Her Stupid Little Song

RALEIGH, North Carolina - Lady Gaga showed that when it comes to her creative talent she can yell, scream, hoot, and holler with the best of 'em as Roy Rogers used to say. The "Lady" had just finished performing her concert at Raleigh's Nicotine S...
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Funny story: Tinkerbell Declared Underage - Must Be Removed

Tinkerbell Declared Underage - Must Be Removed

Tomorrowland, USA - In a massive crackdown sweeping the cartoon world, the iconic and beloved character Tinkerbell has been declared "underage" by a Washington, D.C. taskforce. Even though she appears to have the body of a woman, her incredi...
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Funny story: Irish Chef Booted Out of Royal Kitchen

Irish Chef Booted Out of Royal Kitchen

Seamus O'Toole, thought to be one of Ireland's leading chefs, has been fired, in an ignominious brawl, from the Royal kitchen that is currently in the throes of preparing the feast for the great wedding. Over a hundred kitchen staff stood in amaz...
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Funny story: Are you getting the sleep you need?

Are you getting the sleep you need?

For years, lack of sleep has affected humans around the world. We work to much and don't sleep enough. Sleep Country Canada has developed a new technique to improve concentration and 'awakedness' through out the day. This technique is a very quick fix for this on going problem. Another benefit is that you don't waste your possible work time, sleeping. According to Sleep Country Canada,...
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Funny story: Huge Wildfires Burn Through Texas

Huge Wildfires Burn Through Texas

In the US state of Texas, wildfires have been burning for over 2 weeks. Officials stated that the fires were burning "from border to border", with some covering more than 100 000 acres. There have been mandatory evacuation of large parts of the st...
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