Funny story: Sofa donkey.

Sofa donkey.

If you are so flipping sleepy, why don't you go to bed? Instead of sitting on the sofa with your nodding donkey head. I daren't turn the TV over, while you're curled up like a heap. But I was watching that, do you mind? But you were sound asleep. No I wasn't! Yes you was, You were all closed eyes and snoring But I was listening to the adverts 'cos they're usually so boring. But I've...
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Funny story: Born To Spoof - An Aside - The Bartender Speaks

Born To Spoof - An Aside - The Bartender Speaks

What's with all these customers all of a sudden? Oh, I'm Skoob, by the way, the bartender here. I'm quite well known for being a miserable bastard who doesn't like work. A couple of weeks ago, I could just come in to work and watch TV and not really do much of anything. The boss (Mark) was okay with that. He was quite reasonable back then. I mean, he wasn't ambitious or anything - he just wa...
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Funny story: Test-Tube Baby a 'Big, Fat Mess,' and 'Has No Soul,' Says Doctor Who Created Her

Test-Tube Baby a 'Big, Fat Mess,' and 'Has No Soul,' Says Doctor Who Created Her

Drs. Patrick Steptoe and Robert Edwards, who were awarded the Noble Prize For Crimes Against Humanity today, now say that their creation, a child manufactured via in-vitro fertilization, "has no soul. She is a big, fat mess, and should never have bee...
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Funny story: Corned Beef Legs

Corned Beef Legs

A new disorder has come to light in the last decade and has the potential to kill hundreds of people if a cure is not found. The condition was first discovered in the port of Fray Bentos in Argentina and affects only the upper thigh, particularly the left one. Doctors have described what to look out for: * A softening of skin tissue * A patch of discoloration of the skin * A strong sm...
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Funny story: Gary Neville To Take The Reins At Anfield?

Gary Neville To Take The Reins At Anfield?

Strange days at Anfield, with the mighty Reds stuck down in the bottom three, Fernando Torres suffering a hair colour crisis, Jamie Carragher developing a cockney accent to appease his bezzy mate Joe Cole, and Roy Hodgson's job on the line... Step...
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Funny story: 'No Wee No Fee' Treatment for Bladder Problems Announced

'No Wee No Fee' Treatment for Bladder Problems Announced

The private medical firm HealthDosh has announced a wonderful new treatment for people suffering urine retention. Urine retention is a common problem whereby however hard you try you cannot wee. The NHS is not allowed to offer treatment because NI...
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Funny story: India Offers Free Flights to Commonwealth Games

India Offers Free Flights to Commonwealth Games

So embarrassed are they at the empty stadiums; India announced today that it would provide free flights to anyone who would be willing to attend the Commonwealth Games in Delhi. In order to qualify you must have at least two weeks spare and agree...
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Funny story: Roy Hodgson Unveils Liverpool Five Year Plan

Roy Hodgson Unveils Liverpool Five Year Plan

Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson remained in defiant mood today, as his side languished in the bottom three, after their worst top flight season start since the 1964/65 season. After a humiliating home drubbing by Holland - sorry, Blackpool - Hodgson an...
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Funny story: And The Winner Is: Stupid

And The Winner Is: Stupid

When did stupid become okay? It use to mean extra homework or study hall. It certainly didn't mean you'd become class president. Now stupid seems like a badge of honor. Stupid is okay baggage to carry on your way to becoming a senator, congressman, g...
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Funny story: Carl Spackler Named Bomb Czar By Obama

Carl Spackler Named Bomb Czar By Obama

In response to Republicans claiming that President Obama hasn't done enough to stop terrorists from making bombs in the United States, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced today that Carl Spackler has been named Bomb Czar by the President. Spack...
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Funny story: Theory of Life According to Norton Folgate

Theory of Life According to Norton Folgate

It is said that the mind of World renowned physicist Norton Folgate is a wonderful place to explore and recently we had the privilege of doing just that when he agreed to a frank interview to discuss his latest theory of life. Folgate's theory, which totally turns all other theories of life on their proverbial heads, is an interestingly one and one which, whilst at first seems totally implausib...
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Funny story: Al-Qaeda, Taliban Efforts to Boost Domestic Travel in America Succeed

Al-Qaeda, Taliban Efforts to Boost Domestic Travel in America Succeed

American Tourism Officials finally have something to cheer about. Americans are staying home and spending their hard-earned paychecks on domestic travel. Disney World, New York City, even Lester's Museum O' Rare Lobster Tails in Bangor, Maine is seei...
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Funny story: Lady Gaga's Hair Dress Included Some Off Her Own Private Parts!

Lady Gaga's Hair Dress Included Some Off Her Own Private Parts!

Insiders who were near Lady Gaga after she recently switched from her meat dress to her hair dress overheard her telling others that the hair dress included some of her own. "I want to see if the People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals protest...
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Funny story: Latest Laptops not only can "Google" they can also make "toast" too!

Latest Laptops not only can "Google" they can also make "toast" too!

Laptops are one of the most popular toys that science and technology has invented behind mobile phones, Ipods, IPhones, MP3's and vibrators? The latest generation of laptops has been re-designed and the integration of a superb, ingenious piece of...
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Funny story: Nobel Prize In Economics To Go To The One American Who Didn't Spend More Than What He Had

Nobel Prize In Economics To Go To The One American Who Didn't Spend More Than What He Had

The Nobel Committee has awarded this year's Nobel Prize to P.E. Educator Michael "Coach" Mowry. "Mike Mowry has for years saved his hard earned money. Mowry has not racked up back-breaking debt to buy crap no one needs, that makes him a unique figure...
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Funny story: Sarkozy forbids wearing of Edward Cullen t-shirts

Sarkozy forbids wearing of Edward Cullen t-shirts

Three months ago, Sarkozy revealed his plan to prevent women in his country from wearing burqas. Now seeking to annoy people furthermore, our favourite Frenchman has made another "Controversial" decision, by introducing a law against the wearing of E...
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Funny story: Wrestling CEO Indicted on 113 Counts of Murder

Wrestling CEO Indicted on 113 Counts of Murder

The CEO of a wrestling federation has been indicted on 113 counts of Manslaughter: Depraved Indifference to Human Life, by a New York County Grand Jury. The charges against the CEO stem from the 113 wrestlers, past and present, that have died befo...
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Funny story: Philadelphia Eagles: "We Might As Well Give Mike Kafka A Shot, Right?"

Philadelphia Eagles: "We Might As Well Give Mike Kafka A Shot, Right?"

The Philadelphia Eagles are in a quandary: They nominated Bobby Hoying clone Kevin Kolb as the starting quarterback for the 2010 season. Kolb goes out and get a bonk on the head, and Michael Vick comes on to play --and play he does, carrying the...
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Funny story: Nadya Suleman: "I'm an intelligent, articulate woman. Can I have some money?"

Nadya Suleman: "I'm an intelligent, articulate woman. Can I have some money?"

Nayda Suleman, the woman the press has unfortunately labeled "Octomom", wants everyone to know that she is an intelligent, articulate woman, who is perfectly capable of caring for her 14 children. "I am not nearly as insane as I come off on TV," s...
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Funny story: Ryder Cup Yip Chipped Away by Hunter Mahan

Ryder Cup Yip Chipped Away by Hunter Mahan

So close and yet so far. All the United States needed from their final player Hunter Mahan was half a point, a tie, to win the Ryder Cup. Asked why he put Hunter Mahan in that most important spot Captain Corey Pavin said: "I went to Hunter Mahan's we...
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Funny story: This sporting lie.

This sporting lie.

The job is hunting, this sporting lie, that's the job for me. Just to get an interview is like winning the lottery …and Hang around the job centre, you feel a scrounging skank so if I want to come into money, I should take my matter to the bank. Under starters orders every morning of the week, faint heart never won fair wage, but blessed are the meek On the oche! At the gate. My tigers...
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Funny story: Geert Wilders is definetly not Hitler, he's Dutch not Austrian!

Geert Wilders is definetly not Hitler, he's Dutch not Austrian!

Geert Wilders, infamous Dutch politician, is in court attempting to prove he is certainly not Adolf Hitler. Mijnheer Wilders in fact is telling the Truth, he cannot be Hitler, Hitler was Austrian and Geert comes from Limburg in Holland! Many Du...
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Funny story: Intolerance - Not Jumping Off A Bridge - Cause of Rutgers Student Suicide

Intolerance - Not Jumping Off A Bridge - Cause of Rutgers Student Suicide

Unfortunately for the two "friends" that thought it'd be cool to secretly stream video of their roommate on the Internet of him in a sexual encounter with another man, police have concluded it was their intolerance, and not the student leaping off th...
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Funny story: Mel Gibson Writes Toilet Paper Check to Grigorieva for Child Support

Mel Gibson Writes Toilet Paper Check to Grigorieva for Child Support

Mel Gibson, recently ordered to start paying the mother of his child an additional $15,000 a month in child support, decided to take the opportunity to show Grigorieva just how much he disliked the idea and penned a check on his personal checking acc...
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Funny story: Nintendo Wii people at risk of deadly injuries

Nintendo Wii people at risk of deadly injuries

Wii Tennis Elbow. Sonic Shoulders. Poor Social skills. These are just some of the problems being currently linked to gamers of the Nintendo Wii, following a scientific study published by the University of Hull. Sufferers are said to be sufferin...
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Funny story: Wales to get World Cup following successful Ryder Cup spell

Wales to get World Cup following successful Ryder Cup spell

The World Cup in Brazil has been cancelled after officials didn't want the Cup games to be linked with promoting the image of stroppy forward Robinho. Instead, they're coming to a place which loves football as much as Gordon Brown loves David Cameron...
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Funny story: 'General Election Void' says Boris

'General Election Void' says Boris

Boris Johnson told a shocked Conservative Party Conference today that the General Election must be declared void. To gasps of incredulity Boris said that if a majority of those entitled to vote did not vote for a particular party then there could...
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Funny story: Man gives Viagra to Giraffe

Man gives Viagra to Giraffe

A man appeared at Bow Street Magistrates' Court in London today charged with animal cruelty offences after he slipped three Viagra tablets to a giraffe at London Zoo. He was fine £25 and bound over. A police spokesman told me that Gavin Pertwee ha...
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Funny story: Comm Games last minute drama

Comm Games last minute drama

Delhi, India - The nineteenth Commonwealth Games, currently being held in the the sub-continent, have suffered their first major setback when half of the competitors scheduled to compete at these games, withdrew in protest at the appalling standard o...
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Funny story: Britain gripped by Al-Qaeda terror plot fear

Britain gripped by Al-Qaeda terror plot fear

A warning has been received from Irish intelligence services that dozens of tourist attractions are under threat from Al-Qaeda terrorists. Abdul O'Flaherty, a seventh generation Irishman of Iranian origin (and also a kebab shop owner), is in custo...
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Funny story: Collective Human Intelligence in Danger Due to Internet

Collective Human Intelligence in Danger Due to Internet

Scientists in Stockholm, Sweden are just now concluding a 5-year long research project designed to determine whether or not mainstream consciousness is finally overpowering mindless consciousness and endangering the world we live in to such a degree...
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Funny story: Born to Spoof: Chapter 5 - Masters in Their Own Rights

Born to Spoof: Chapter 5 - Masters in Their Own Rights

It was all starting to fall in place, the lessons I'd so desperately tried to learn from that one trip to a Zen master in Marrakesh, mindful breathing, mindful breathing, would I become one with the gerbil? Gerbils? How many? I wondered was it possible to become one with more than one. That trip to Marrakesh had me thinking about Charpa again. Charpa, Sherpa, yes, there was a Sherpa. I remembe...
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Funny story: RAF to get Sat Navs

RAF to get Sat Navs

In a bid to save money navigation equipment is being removed from all RAF aircraft and navigators being offered redundancy as the Government announces all aircraft are to be fitted with Sat Nav. An official explained that pilots can be trained to...
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Funny story: New Dog DNA Database

New Dog DNA Database

In an amazing extension to the DNA database in England police will be visiting every home to take a sample of the owner's dog's DNA for a new DDD (Dog DNA Database). A new process allows police to identify dog DNA from their urine. The first test...
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Funny story: Pompey Gain Away Point - Eye Play-Offs!

Pompey Gain Away Point - Eye Play-Offs!

Liam Lawrence reckons ailing Portsmouth have turned the corner and can now aim for the promotion play-offs. "This is a mad league, isn't it?" he said after he scored a penalty to earn Pompey their first away point of the season. But fan Jake Se...
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Funny story: What is true coalition government?

What is true coalition government?

In current times, political parties and other pressure groups are more concerned with obtaining power, holding on to that power at all costs and protecting their own vested interests. They are less concerned with serving the very people who elected them and handed them that power. Add to this, the influence of big business and the flow of targeted donations into the coffers of the political par...
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Funny story: Wayne And Coleen Rooney Given Warning From History

Wayne And Coleen Rooney Given Warning From History

As Wayne and Coleen Rooney jetted to Prague, a top historian warned them to beware of the Czech Republic's capital. Coleen is in the city for a fashion shoot and Wayne, who is currently out of the Manchester Utd side injured, flew to be with her i...
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Funny story: Daily Express Readers Horrified By Exploding Children

Daily Express Readers Horrified By Exploding Children

A climate change film which features exploding children has been withdrawn from an environmental web site after outraging viewers. The four-minute film was made for environmental organisation 10:10 by director Richard Curtis. It was designed to ra...
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Funny story: Fags and Booze

Fags and Booze

Fags and booze were best of mates, back in the good old days. When pubs were thick with thick blokes and a thicker smoky haze. Smoking indoors and having a drink is what it was all about. Have a smoke, have a pint, by the way, I think it's now your shout. But fags have now been relegated, just like a losing football team, they stand outside, looking through the glass while booze st...
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Funny story: Forest Levels Good News For Royal Navy

Forest Levels Good News For Royal Navy

A top naval expert has welcomed news that British woodland has returned to the levels of the 1750s. Even better is a prediction that forests could soon cover 15 per cent of the country. The news means that the country can at last resort to buil...
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Funny story: Liverpool beaten by fruit

Liverpool beaten by fruit

Liverpool beaten by tangerines! - Orange Wednesdays will never have the same feel if you're a Liverpool supporter. Following an embarrassing loss to Blackpool, Liverpool lie in the relegation zone after seven games. Former strugglers West Brom se...
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Funny story: Obama Got Game: The President and the Point Guard

Obama Got Game: The President and the Point Guard

WASHINGTON D.C. - As if President Obama needed another headache to go along with the assortment of full-tilt migraines he's already been juggling like a one-armed pizza cook ever since the mid-term tea party went coastal. All of which indeed helped force any lingering ideas that this Hail to the Chief gig would be a cake walk in the park, to go riding off the line with the last Pontiac, straight...
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Funny story: Tube strikes crippling economy

Tube strikes crippling economy

Youtube was the latest social tool to crash this weekend, causing mass strikes and worries that nobody will ever recover. After a mediation between the public and Mark whathisface from Facebook, a mass strike was avoided as Mark promised he'd "get...
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Funny story: Tories left to "Clean Up Labour Mess". Kim and Aggie called in.

Tories left to "Clean Up Labour Mess". Kim and Aggie called in.

Fans of Channel Four's lame show "How Clean is Your House" have a special episode to look forward to at last, as David Cameron hired the vindicious pair to clean up the mess left by the Labour Party. Kim Woodburn, the naggy old bird from I'm a Cel...
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Funny story: X Factor Methods Adopted By Degree Boards

X Factor Methods Adopted By Degree Boards

Knowing your subject and "answering the question" will no longer be enough to get you a degree from UK universities. In stead, an ability to break down in tears and forget what you're supposed to be doing will be the chief criteria for getting a f...
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Funny story: Born to Spoof: Chapter 4 - The Assignment

Born to Spoof: Chapter 4 - The Assignment

Barman Skoob placed a dark brew on the table, a slight swirling froth on the surface momentarily formed into an image of a man with military bearing. As I watched, the image winked and was replaced with the words Number Juan Awaits. Startled I glanced at the barman, his moustache twinkling he flicked an eyebrow at me. The froth had gone from the drink, and the drink had gone from the glass.
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Funny story: History Review: Crimea: The Last Crusade, by Orlando Figes

History Review: Crimea: The Last Crusade, by Orlando Figes

How and why did an Anglican power allied with a Roman Catholic power seek to bolster an ailing Islamic power against an Orthodox one? Ken Lucid writes: Cecil Woodham-Smith... Cecil Woodham-Smith... shiver. Ugh! Back when I was taking Eng Lit 'O' level ('O' levels - remember them?) they stuck us with The Reason Why by Ms Woodham-Smith (yeah - stupid name for a girl) to read. History a...
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Funny story: GM's new turnaround strategy; build rickshaws and bicycles

GM's new turnaround strategy; build rickshaws and bicycles

Top General Motors executives emerged from a lengthy strategy session and announced a new plan to return the company to profitability--shifting production facilities from making cars and trucks to making rickshaws and bicycles. The groups' spokesp...
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Funny story: US troops in Afghanistan ordered to refrain from racial profiling

US troops in Afghanistan ordered to refrain from racial profiling

A dejected-looking General Petraeus emerged from a White House meeting, and announced that, effective immediately, US Troops in Afghanistan would be "prohibited under threat of disciplinary action from using any type of racial profiling techniques in...
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