Funny story: Are You Made of the Right Stuff?

Are You Made of the Right Stuff?

Our politicians often become the brunt of criticism and sometimes have abuse hurled their way. We all like to stick the knife in as they continually make us grind our teeth and shout at the television. Still, there are always people who aspire to these lofty heights and if you have ever thought about becoming a politician I have some advice for you. It is, to be sure, a fine and worthwhile career...
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Funny story: Jon Gosselin Injured After Salami Falls Out Of Pants!

Jon Gosselin Injured After Salami Falls Out Of Pants!

Jon Gosselin, formerly of "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" fame and described by Kate as having a really tiny penis, was injured Wednesday as he and a new girlfriend danced night before last. The event happened in San Francisco's "Club: Bodego Red " as t...
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Funny story: Taylor Lautner Joins David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, In New X-Files Movie

Taylor Lautner Joins David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, In New X-Files Movie

Landscape Inc. stated Wednesday evening that there is a new X-Files movie in the works that will have the original couple, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson in the same roles as the series and movies but in "updated" positions with the FBI. Howe...
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Funny story: Psychic Police commissioner predicts more student disorder

Psychic Police commissioner predicts more student disorder

Psychic Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson has said he expects more student disorder on our streets but is refusing to give the exact location of where they will occur. He says this is to ensure 'terror tourists' with no interest...
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Funny story: Pope to Star in Condom Commercial

Pope to Star in Condom Commercial

Pope Benedict will make commercials for the "Papal Bull," a church-made condom specifically fashioned to protect gay males from AIDS. In making the announcement, Vatican Rubbers, Inc., lauded the pontiff for his recent suggestion that condoms-pre...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Thinks Aide is Moose and Squirrel , Shoots Him in Face

Sarah Palin Thinks Aide is Moose and Squirrel , Shoots Him in Face

While filming her new hit show Alaska, Sarah Palin accidental shot her Personal Aide of two years, in the face. It all happened when Sarah and the filming crew were out in the Alaskan tundra. Sarah wanted to bag a Moose, or Squirrel, either way...
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Funny story: Cameron & Gordon Brown: "Recession Just Giant Practical Joke"

Cameron & Gordon Brown: "Recession Just Giant Practical Joke"

LONDON - At a press conference in London, Cameron admitted to orchestrating the global financial meltdown along with his chums, former PM Gordon Brown and former president George W. Bush. "We got together on my farm in Texas," recalled Bush. "We w...
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Funny story: Christmas Furniture Fever

Christmas Furniture Fever

What is it about Christmas that excites the furniture and DIY industries to think that we suddenly need their wares? From the end of September onwards we are inundated with deals on TV, from sofas to conservatories, interest-free and guaranteeing delivery before the festivities. Companies believe that there is something in the British psyche that suddenly thinks: "Christmas is coming, and wh...
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Funny story: Flurry of Utter Bullshit Against Climate Change Expected over Weekend

Flurry of Utter Bullshit Against Climate Change Expected over Weekend

LONDON - As Britain is set to receive a snowy November in most parts, skeptics are denying global warming. A new forcast by the International Weather Agency has suggested that torrents of bullshit will flood workplaces. "Oh god..." said one di...
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Funny story: Bush blames Fruit of the loon for inciting Al Qaeda

Bush blames Fruit of the loon for inciting Al Qaeda

T-shirt manufacturer fruit of the loon has pulled its trademark after causing controversy. Ex President George W Bush said the T shirt manufacturer was 'sending the wrong message to Al Qaeda.' Bush was quoting on the t shirts trademark 'everyon...
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Funny story: Goofy Flight by New Tory Peer

Goofy Flight by New Tory Peer

David Cameron is faced with another gaffe prone supporter. Newly appointed Peer, Howard Flight made the sort of boob his wife might envy when he said the Government policies were encouraging the poor to breed. By having more children those on low inc...
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Funny story: Stacey And Aggro Get Twelve Stars In Bushtucker Challenge - Despite Gillian McKeith's Knickers

Stacey And Aggro Get Twelve Stars In Bushtucker Challenge - Despite Gillian McKeith's Knickers

Controversy in the I'm A Celeb camp tonight as shit inspector Gillian McKeith admitted smuggling contraband into camp in her knickers and sanitary napkins. Thus jeopardising Spoof favourite Stacey Solomon and Aggro's high level, vertigo inducing t...
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Funny story: Will and Kate

Will and Kate

I wrote this months ago but I thought people might like to see it again. Will and Kate by Rob Barratt Will and Kate, Will and Kate Better late than never, mate To wed the future head of state Though he has a receding pate I'm sure you'll really get on great, Kate Will and Kate, will he Kate Will he want to masturbate In front of paintings at the Tate? At a really quite alarming r...
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Funny story: The Spoof News for Kids!

The Spoof News for Kids!

(Written by Inhopeless's niece Sarah, aged 10) Hello. I'm Sarah! This is the Newz for Kidz! The 'z' makes it cooler. I'll tell you all the stories that the mean grown-ups won't tell you. Firstly, several hundred young girls have been involved in human trafficking in Britain. Some have been found raped, malnurished, confused and sometimes dead. Eww, gross. Like Gary Frank's bogeys! Also, a...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin loses her compass confusing North Korea with South Korea!

Sarah Palin loses her compass confusing North Korea with South Korea!

Future US Presidential candidate and wildly outspoken Alaskan man-eater, Sarah Palin has completely lost her her "latitudes". During a US tour to promote her book she was asked about the Korean conflict and her feelings about it. She replied:...
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Funny story: Middle Classes Discouraged from Breeding

Middle Classes Discouraged from Breeding

"We're going to have a system where the middle classes are discouraged from breeding because it's jolly expensive. But for those on benefits there is every incentive. Well that's not very sensible", said Mr. Flight, who didn't get time to 'withdraw' his statement. Jolly good show Mr. Flight. I say old chap - you've just confirmed the thoughts of many folk. Politicians are idiots and THEY sho...
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Funny story: Lohan Back In Jail, Los Angeles Crime At All-Time Low

Lohan Back In Jail, Los Angeles Crime At All-Time Low

LOS ANGELES - Lindsey Lohan, is again back in jail, however, she'll be there for life. A new report by Los Angeles-based think-tank, Stats4LA, has found out that a rise in prison sentences for Lohan and similar 'celebs' leads to lower crime rates...
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Funny story: Hollywood to Hollyweird, Group Rallies For Change

Hollywood to Hollyweird, Group Rallies For Change

A group of concerned Hollywood citizens are getting together and having meetings in regards to changing the city name from Hollywood to Hollyweird. The reason for the requested change stemmes from the regulars that hang on Hollywood Blvd. For exa...
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Funny story: Stacey Solomon Vajazzled With A Star Of David!

Stacey Solomon Vajazzled With A Star Of David!

Strange reports coming in from the jungle from freelance undercover Japanese paparrazo Kawasaki Yamamoto - it seems he saw Stacey Solomon in the jungle shower, and that she's been vajazzled by way of of a blue and white star of David which apparently...
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Funny story: Lady Gaga wins Nobel Prize in Chemistry

Lady Gaga wins Nobel Prize in Chemistry

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Lady Gaga is the recipient of the 2010 Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her work in "ground-breaking experiments and applications of the novel two-dimensional material, graphene." The chemist/musician explained, "I needed a new fas...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Actually North Korean Spy

Sarah Palin Actually North Korean Spy

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Sarah Palin, 2012 Presidential hopeful, has been founded out as a NK spy. Palin, who was governor of Alaska for some time, and said that she could defeat Obama in 2012, has been found guilty of spying for the rogue state since s...
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Funny story: Tory peer Howard Flight apologises for slagging off benefit claimants

Tory peer Howard Flight apologises for slagging off benefit claimants

New Conservative peer Howard Flight has issued an "unreserved" apology for saying child benefit changes would encourage the poor to "breed". However, this kind of attitude should come as no surprise to those of us who hold the Tory Party as sexist...
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Funny story: Katie Waissel's 81 Year Old Hooker Nan Fancies Threesome With Simon Cowell And Cheryl Cole?

Katie Waissel's 81 Year Old Hooker Nan Fancies Threesome With Simon Cowell And Cheryl Cole?

Sheila Bugle, the disowned 81 year old prostitute grandmother of controversial X-Factor contestant Katie Waissel remained rabidly unrepentent this morning regarding her lifestyle, according to sources. Sheila, who advertises her services on websit...
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Funny story: Ugly Actors Band Together

Ugly Actors Band Together

In order to protect the rights of the actors who do not possess so pleasant physical attributes, Danny DeVito and friends organized recently the "NOT TALL, NOT DARK, NOT HANDSOME SCREEN ACTORS GUILD" (NTNDNH-SAG) in Los Angeles, California. Membe...
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Funny story: Tryptophan Poisoning Used As New Date Rape Drug

Tryptophan Poisoning Used As New Date Rape Drug

A new trend is blazing across America, Tryptophan Poisoning as the new date rape drug. Young men are finding that it is easier to get a girl to eat turkey than to slip something into her drink. Even better take her out for chicken, according to news...
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Funny story: Cheryl Cole's New Tattoo Nearly Touches Her Tinky Winky

Cheryl Cole's New Tattoo Nearly Touches Her Tinky Winky

We all know how she loves her tattoos, and X-Factor judge and mime artiste etraordinaire, Cheryl Cole, didn't disappoint recently as she revealed a brand new tramp stamp, which according to sources, wraps right the way underneath and almost touches h...
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Funny story: Oil Prices Rise to US$500/barrel

Oil Prices Rise to US$500/barrel

NEW YORK & LONDON - The NYSE and the FTSE have recorded a record price rise for liquid hydrocarbon solution, commonly known as oil. Oil, which has been used for nearly 150 years to power automotive transportational units and human dwellings, h...
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Funny story: 'Cuts Make Poor Bleed' says Tory shite

'Cuts Make Poor Bleed' says Tory shite

London - (Inbred Ass Mess): "Next thing you know they'll be claiming Child Benefit," disgraced ex-MP Howard Shite told reporters, "bleeding the nation dry with their bloody shagging." The wannabe life peer thinks it's no good giving benefits to un...
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Funny story: Get me out of Here!

Get me out of Here!

Lembit Opaque, former Liberal Democrat MP, taking part in the latest 'I Was a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here', has suffered a snake bite. 'That is not fair' said Lembit 'I wasn't elected in the last Election so my pledge on student fees wasn't brok...
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Funny story: Palin Announces Surprise Presidential Bid

Palin Announces Surprise Presidential Bid

Kikatinalong,Kentucky, Nov.25. - In a packed town meeting here tonight, attended by almost the whole local population(37), Sarah Palin finally revealed her Presidential aspirations - but they are not what the town expected. Palin began: "While wat...
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Funny story: Future News: First Tourist on Mars

Future News: First Tourist on Mars

(Published in 2050) BASE ALPHA-ONE, MARS - A joint venture between holiday provider Thomas Cook, Eastern Americorp Space Agency (EASA), and the European Space Agency (ESA) has allowed the first civillian to go to Mars. The first man on Mars landed...
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Funny story: Gillian McKeith shoves rabbit up her arse

Gillian McKeith shoves rabbit up her arse

It can be revealed today that I'm a celebrity get me out of here unterstar Gillian McKeith has accidentally shoved a rabbit up her own arse. A hidden camera caught the spectacle and showed that fat boy Shaun Ryder had caught the rabbit and had gon...
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Funny story: "Contraband My Arse!" Protests Gillian McKeith

"Contraband My Arse!" Protests Gillian McKeith

From somewhere deep inside a strictly controlled Australian jungle environment, breaking news suggests that Scottish multi-phobic turd technician Gillian McKeith has been caught out, smuggling contraband into the celebrity jungle camp. It is alleg...
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Funny story: X-Factor's Wagner To Marry I'm A Celeb's Gillian McKeith

X-Factor's Wagner To Marry I'm A Celeb's Gillian McKeith

Forget about Prince William and Kate Middleton - next year's wedding of all weddings, if reports are to be believed, will be between Wagner Carillho off the X-Factor and Gillian McKeith off I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here! Skoob Entertainment...
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Funny story: Psychologists Diagnose North Korea

Psychologists Diagnose North Korea

NEW YORK - At a conference at the United Nations headquaters in New York City, psychologists have worked out how to solve a problem like Korea. North Korea, created as a separate state from South Korea, in September 1948 by UN and Soviet forces, h...
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Funny story: Merovignian line collapse as Harriers booted off Ark of the Covenant

Merovignian line collapse as Harriers booted off Ark of the Covenant

London - (Green & Unpleasant Land News): It's goodbye and bloody good riddance to all that Illuminati bollox as the UK's flagshit carrier is mothballed for posterity. HMS Ark of the Covenant's RIP sees a host of dodgy Navy blue bloodlines scup...
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Funny story: North Korea and Iran gain seats on 'Liberty and Freedom'; the new UN organisation

North Korea and Iran gain seats on 'Liberty and Freedom'; the new UN organisation

North Korea and Iran are have gained permanent seats on the new super-agency of the UN. The agency's purpose is to promote liberty and freedom. That's the core, central beliefs of the new agency. "We believe this is a step in the right direction.
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Funny story: Cameron's £2m quest to measure nation's happiness

Cameron's £2m quest to measure nation's happiness

Although the country is skint, David Cameron is set to spend £2m on a project on how best to measure the nation's happiness. Labour also attempted to measure quality of life when it was in power. But then Prime Minister Tony Blair eventually aband...
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Funny story: Police Encourage Students to be more Radical

Police Encourage Students to be more Radical

In an attempt to further the education of students the Police have put into force their latest plan to make more students more radical. By putting the students in a kettle and lighting the flame below it the young people get hot feet and begin to...
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Funny story: 3.5 Million A--holes Clog Manhattan To Watch Macy's Day Parade

3.5 Million A--holes Clog Manhattan To Watch Macy's Day Parade

It is a Thanksgiving Day tradition as quaint as giving Native Americans smallpox: Since 1924, people infiltrated Manhattan from the 80's to Times Square to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade pass by. Of course, since 1924, many things have c...
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Funny story: Adolescent Boys to Take Vengence on Image-Ruining Child Groomers

Adolescent Boys to Take Vengence on Image-Ruining Child Groomers

BIRMINGHAM - A new report out yesterday finds that most child-trafficking and child-prostitution is carried out by pimps as young as 16. "This is messing up the image of young adult males," said John Cooper. "They hear 'child groomer', and then th...
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Funny story: Shock Reason Why Ed Miliband is The Right Man For These Chaotic Times

Shock Reason Why Ed Miliband is The Right Man For These Chaotic Times

The reason why Ed Miliband is the correct man for the job of saving our Country has been revealed by a very interesting source... and its a shocker. The source is based right within the Union of Superheroes and is believed to be called Peter Par...
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Funny story: Horror: London Man Brutally Left Hanging In Street

Horror: London Man Brutally Left Hanging In Street

Police are conducting a city wide search for a group of youths who callously left a pal hanging in a busy street, last Thursday evening, while out on the town drinking. Reports suggest the group were out celebrating a work related job promotion, f...
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Funny story: Digester's Reader: North Korean Boiled Dog's Feet in Rice Broth with Happy Baby's Pudding

Digester's Reader: North Korean Boiled Dog's Feet in Rice Broth with Happy Baby's Pudding

Kim Soon Wok today offers us a traditional North Korean recipe called, Boiled Dog's Feet in Rice Broth with Happy Baby's Pudding. Forward: Kim is a third cousin of Dear Leader Kim Jong Il, twice removed, and step daughter of his great half brother's unofficial consort in Bangkok. She holds the kitchen rank of People's Cook 2nd Class and is also a Major in the auxiliary of the 13th Bayonet Char...
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Funny story: US President pardons a turkey at Thanksgiving

US President pardons a turkey at Thanksgiving

US President Barack Obama pardons the National Thanksgiving Turkey, named Apple, in a ceremony with daughters Sasha and Malia, together with National Turkey Federation Chairman Yubert Envia, in the Rose Garden of the White House in Washington, DC What does THIS say to the world - A bloody turkey is pardoned by the President of the US of A whilst innocent people suffer in American jails.
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Funny story: Royal Wedding Will Directly Affect Exam Results in UK

Royal Wedding Will Directly Affect Exam Results in UK

"Royal wedding could disrupt exam build-up, teachers warn. Head teachers have warned that the timing of the royal wedding could cause problems in schools because it falls just days before the national Sats tests." What a load of shit. This 'observation' is front page news in UK. So, students who are 'sitting' exams or SATS around the date of the Royal Wedding...you now have an excuse (or w...
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Funny story: Snot and Vitamin C, the breakfast of Champions!

Snot and Vitamin C, the breakfast of Champions!

The global conspiracy behind the financial crisis has been uncovered in Ireland. A scientific discovery that threatens governments, pharmaceuticals,insurance companies and civilization itself has been revealed. Dr. Mu O'Cus, a stressed out re...
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Funny story: Twitter issues public apology, announces end of operations

Twitter issues public apology, announces end of operations

The owners of the web site "Twitter" shocked the world today, when they issued a press release announcing the end of operations and apologizing for "allowing our platform to become little more than fodder for the overblown egos of professional athle...
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Funny story: Job Interview Ends In Tragedy

Job Interview Ends In Tragedy

The village of East Bergholt in Suffolk was left shocked and stunned yesterday following the tragic murder of father-of-none Matt Topiary, 32. Mr Topiary, who had been unemployed for several months, had been attending a job interview for a floor...
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Funny story: X Factor To Call In Exorcist

X Factor To Call In Exorcist

X Factor bosses are to seek the advice of exorcism experts following the latest outburst by contestant Wagner Carrilho. Brazilian Wagner, who was banned from the contestants' house last week after rucks with colleagues, yesterday claimed that anyo...
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Funny story: Origin of 'Cut Me Some Slack' Traced to Jack Kerouac

Origin of 'Cut Me Some Slack' Traced to Jack Kerouac

Many writers consider Jack Kerouac one of the best writers of the beat generation and go so far even today to stalk his final resting place in St. Petersburg, Florida just to feel close to him. So it was no surprise that even though the man was born...
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Funny story: Obama Pardons Thanksgiving Turkey, Bo Hodgkiss Pardons Thanksgiving Ham

Obama Pardons Thanksgiving Turkey, Bo Hodgkiss Pardons Thanksgiving Ham

President Obama pardoned the White house turkey today in a traditional ceremony held on the east lawn. The President was joined by his daughters Sasha and Malia. The turkey named Apple and his understudy Cider were both brought in from Foster Farms,...
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Funny story: Paris Hilton's Vagina Goes Phycho

Paris Hilton's Vagina Goes Phycho

As we all know by now Paris Hilton's vagina has a mind of it's own. It makes impromptu appearances when it feels the urge and peeks out to say Hi all the time. Paris of course knows nothing about any of these sightings, going, ooops, fumble. Unbel...
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Funny story: Lady Gaga To Star In The Remake Of 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'

Lady Gaga To Star In The Remake Of 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'

HOLLYWOOD - Gladiator Pictures in association with Lions Face Films and The G-Spot Motion Picture Company has just informed the entertainment media that they will begin shooting the remake of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on Christmas Eve. The original...
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Funny story: 'Gossip Girl's' Taylor Momsen Turning Into The Poster Girl For Dysfunctional, Raccoon-Looking Prima Divas

'Gossip Girl's' Taylor Momsen Turning Into The Poster Girl For Dysfunctional, Raccoon-Looking Prima Divas

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Taylor Momsen, who looks more like a raccoon than a damn raccoon, is giving the producers of the CW hit show Gossip Girl fits. An inside source says that the shows top two executives Hank Ficklebiter and Beyonce Joan Saddlewing ar...
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Funny story: America Gives Thanks

America Gives Thanks

Today is Thanksgivings Day, to Americans it's a day of celebration, family and friends. It is the day a starving group of pilgrims, fleeing from religious persecution, were helped by a group of friendly Native Americans. The Indians helped the settle...
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Funny story: Blockbuster TSA announcement; "We'll help balance the budget with Pornography"

Blockbuster TSA announcement; "We'll help balance the budget with Pornography"

Amid growing outrage over pervasive airport security measures, including groping pat-down body searches and overly-revealing body scans, a spokesperson for the Transportation Security Administration announced today that there is a method to their mad...
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Funny story: Richard Dawkins was Transformed into a Metal Moth Man

Richard Dawkins was Transformed into a Metal Moth Man

OXFORD - "Let's stick to the evidence: Yesterday morning I awoke as a winged metallic moth man; nobody knows how it happened. That is all the evidence. Everything else, including supernatural acts, divine intervention, and mothman prophecies, is w...
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Funny story: Yogi Berra to Join George Bush on Book Tour

Yogi Berra to Join George Bush on Book Tour

Baseball great Yogi Berra, author of "The Yogi Book", will join former president George W. Bush, author of "Decision Points", on a national tour to publicize their books. Mr Bush said, "Yogi was assisted by a ghostwriter, so I'm pleased to be join...
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Funny story: Americans Must Now Fly Nude

Americans Must Now Fly Nude

The TSA stunned the nation today by announcing that scanners and pat downs do not do enough to detect terrorist devices on flight passengers. Passengers must now completely disrobe in order to board a flight. "We tried to come up with a better so...
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Funny story: Airport Body Scanners Melt Fat, Cure Baldness

Airport Body Scanners Melt Fat, Cure Baldness

Washington, DC-- The new airport body scanners are doing a lot more than people expected. Homeland's Janet Napolitano doesn't want anyone to fear the new technology. She had exciting news that the body scanners have amazing health benefits, and she...
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Funny story: Charles: Yes, Camilla Could be Queen, but So Could Helen Mirren or Cate Blanchett

Charles: Yes, Camilla Could be Queen, but So Could Helen Mirren or Cate Blanchett

Seeking to undo the sulk inducing news that two new polls show the public prefers King William and Queen Cinderella over King Charles and Queen Camilla, the Prince of Wales demonstrated his peerless knack for bad-to-worse by announcing his darling wi...
View 'Charles: Yes, Camilla Could be Queen, but So Could Helen Mirren or Cate Blanchett'
Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Holdup) #3

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Holdup) #3

Evan Keliher ©2009 FADE IN: EXT. DAY. SHOT OF POT CLUB. Getting toward noon. Sunny, bright. EARL approaches the club with the aid of his red-tipped white cane. INT. CLUB. BETH is bending over the books at the center table. Place is empty except for the CHESS GUYS and GUITAR PLAYER playing softly. BETH looks up as EARL enters. BETH Earl. I thought you were going downtow...
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Funny story: Prince William Breaks Off Engagement To Kate Middleton in Order to Marry Kate Middleton

Prince William Breaks Off Engagement To Kate Middleton in Order to Marry Kate Middleton

Determined to avoid history repeating itself, Prince William has called off his wedding to Kate Middleton in order to marry Kate Middleton after divorcing his first wife. "Kate is the love of his life," confided a friend of the Prince, "so natural...
View 'Prince William Breaks Off Engagement To Kate Middleton in Order to Marry Kate Middleton'
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