Funny story: Bush Declares "Mission Accomplished" on BP Oil Spill

Bush Declares "Mission Accomplished" on BP Oil Spill

Flagstaff, Arizona - Attention turned Wednesday to the giant "Mission Accomplished" sign that once again stood behind President G.W. Bush while in Arizona where he was celebrating Cinco de Mayo. This is the same banner that made its first appear...
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Funny story: Scientists: Ugly People Are Descended From Celery

Scientists: Ugly People Are Descended From Celery

Research scientists at the University of Newcastle have made a startling link between DNA from ugly people and a particular variety of celery mainly used in vegetable packet soups. The research, based on a sample of 540 people who described thems...
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Funny story: DIY used as terrorist torture

DIY used as terrorist torture

MI5 have come under scrutiny today as it has emerged the secret service have been using the threat of making people complete DIY tasks as part of their interrogation process. The story came to light due to the claim of a yet undisclosed source rec...
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Funny story: Obese baby found dead, cut out of crib

Obese baby found dead, cut out of crib

A morbidly obese 22 month old baby was found dead in his crib on Tuesday morning. Charlie Ringwort's 165 pound body had to be removed from his crib via special tools and a saw that firemen had on location. The child was then air lifted to hospital, w...
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Funny story: Louisiana Governor Worsens Oil Spill by Erecting Wind Turbines

Louisiana Governor Worsens Oil Spill by Erecting Wind Turbines

New Orleans, LA - Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal, who obviously has no clue how wind turbine technology works, asked his energy secretary to "pull out all those wind turbines we have in storage right away and start erecting them along the coast." J...
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Funny story: Top 12 Things The New Health Care Bill Will Not Cover At The Hospital

Top 12 Things The New Health Care Bill Will Not Cover At The Hospital

12. Special ass flap for gown. $25. But free if you allow some advertising there. 11. 3D TV in every room and always on, $50 per day. 10. Carrying charge for wheeling you out to your car in a wheelchair. 9. Tip for guard who watched over your car while you were inside. $10-$25. 8. Any pubic shaving mishaps. 7. Appendix replacement, $200. 6. Extra, extra special sponge baths are $...
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Funny story: PM's health records found in supermarket car park

PM's health records found in supermarket car park

Falkirk - (Och Aye): Gorgon Brown was shit-faced today amid reports his medical records from a secure hospital near Falkirk were found in an Asda car park. The sordid details were on a computer memory stick found by local pensioner Mrs Ida Crumpet...
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Funny story: Lindsay Lohan To Play Linda Lovelace Of "Deep Throat" Fame

Lindsay Lohan To Play Linda Lovelace Of "Deep Throat" Fame

After the role had been promised to several women, apparently Lindsay Lohan has signed to play porn queen, Linda Lovelace, in a new movie. Keep a lookout for the stories told by the ladies who did not get the role, even though they wanted it and what...
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Funny story: Elin Nordegren Says Tiger Has A Short Tail

Elin Nordegren Says Tiger Has A Short Tail

It may have just been a spiteful Elin Woods that told friends that Tiger had a short tail because she knew it would get back to the press because the one "friend" has been spilling her guts since day one. However, Jaimee Grubbs, apparently told T...
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Funny story: Woman Impresses Coffee Shop Patrons with Ditto Head Diatribe

Woman Impresses Coffee Shop Patrons with Ditto Head Diatribe

Tawdry Soup has caught up with Kaitlin Greely for the second time time this year. This time, as she impressed local coffee shop and veggie deli patrons with her deep knowledge of Rush Limbaugh's latest positions on all things political. In a comm...
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Funny story: Pope John Paul II Once Levitated The Pentagon

Pope John Paul II Once Levitated The Pentagon

Needing three confirmed miracles to become a saint, a group of 1960's hippies and ex-hippies have sworn that Pope John Paul II helped them levitate the Pentagon in 1969. "He wasn't a pope then but a Polish priest", stated one old-timer, still suck...
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Funny story: Stephen Hawking's Basement Raided, Rare Historic Artifacts Found

Stephen Hawking's Basement Raided, Rare Historic Artifacts Found

Acting on an anonymous tip, British police raided well-known physicist, Stephen Hawking's basement, where it is reported that they found some incredible historical artifacts from various periods in history. Included with the artifacts was an urn whic...
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Funny story: Top Ten Tricks Magician David Copperfield Is Reduced To Doing For Kid's Birthday Parties

Top Ten Tricks Magician David Copperfield Is Reduced To Doing For Kid's Birthday Parties

Top Ten Tricks Magician David Copperfield Is Reduced To Doing For Kid's Birthday Parties 10. Magically removes a wad of wax from a kid's ear. 9. Makes balloon poodles out of special ribbed balloons. 8. Shows them how they can magically disappear by closing their eyes. 7. Saws Gumby in half and magically puts him back together! 6. The magically sudden appearance of the Manhattan Bi...
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Funny story: Top University to offer degree in "State Scrounging"

Top University to offer degree in "State Scrounging"

The University Of Merseyside has created a controversial new degree which aims to educate young females in how to successfully prolong their time claiming benefits. This bold move from Liverpool University stems from recent criticism it received from...
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Funny story: Monkey Woods UK Tour Starts Friday!

Monkey Woods UK Tour Starts Friday!

There was great excitement in the UK today when it was announced that amateur scribbler and noted social commentator, Monkey Woods, would be returning to the country for a 2-week nationwide tour at the end of this week. Woods, currently loafing ab...
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Funny story: Sinko de Gulf Coast Celebrated

Sinko de Gulf Coast Celebrated

As millions of Latinos celebrated Cinco de Mayo around the country today, The BP Corporation announced the Sinko de Gulf Coast Day. As thousands of BP lawyers descended on Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama with bottles of detergent, most folks alon...
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Funny story: Elton John Sphinx! Egypt Ban Rocket Man From Performing Live Show

Elton John Sphinx! Egypt Ban Rocket Man From Performing Live Show

Elton John has been banned from performing live in Egypt. Already the Egyptian tourist board has been inundated with bookings following the news. "I've never seen anything like it. People phone up and ask us 'Is he really banned?' When tell them that...
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Funny story: Lady Gaga Changes Name To Dick The Bruiser

Lady Gaga Changes Name To Dick The Bruiser

After purchasing the old-time wrestler's moniker, Lady Gaga, or rather, Dick The Bruiser, is granting as many interviews as possible as most people are sick of the same old crock of an act she has been doing. "There's nothing new here. We've had t...
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Funny story: Giacometti 'Walking Man I' buyer walks off with $106.5m Picasso

Giacometti 'Walking Man I' buyer walks off with $106.5m Picasso

New York - (Monet Talks!): He's been at it again! The reclusive art billionaire who splashed out an unprecedented $104.3 million for the Giacometti sculpture in February has snapped up another world record-breaker. Last night the secretive US inv...
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Funny story: Derek Acorah launches his own search engine

Derek Acorah launches his own search engine

Phenomenal psychic medium Derek Acorah is to launch his own internet search engine that he promises will rival Google and Bing. The Acorah search engine promises to do away with the tedious business of entering search terms and digging through pag...
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Funny story: Dead Player Signed By Liverpool

Dead Player Signed By Liverpool

A dead footballer has been signed by Liverpool FC. Croatian soccer star Goran Tunjic has been signed to replace Jose Torres, who is on his way to Chelsea. Tunjic was recently booked for dying on the pitch. This follows a new FIFA ruling regarding...
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Funny story: World Twenty20 Latest: Collingwood Admits Declaration Was A Mistake

World Twenty20 Latest: Collingwood Admits Declaration Was A Mistake

England skipper Paul Collingwood admitted that his sides declaration after one over in the rain ruined match against East Timor may have been a mistake. Speaking at the post-match press conference Collingwood said : "It seemed like a good idea at...
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Funny story: Monsignor Francois Dubois, SJ's Confessional for May 5th

Monsignor Francois Dubois, SJ's Confessional for May 5th

Saf"er" Sex -- That's the ticket! Dear Monsignor Dubois: You helped me so much the last time I wrote you for advice, so I thought I'd get your take on my special problem. I know you won't reveal what I say to you, not to anybody, right? Well, last week I picked up this little chippie in the parking lot behind my house. We hit it off really well, and I convinced her to come back to my fl...
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Funny story: SuBo fanatics start own religion

SuBo fanatics start own religion

Susan Boyle fanatics were last night celebrating the launch of their new religion. All fanatics must now join the 'Church of the Previous Week Loonie Susanites.' Members of the church, known informally as 'Loonies', believe that the 'Big Red Scarf in...
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Funny story: Taliban Retracts Claim to Times Square Bomb

Taliban Retracts Claim to Times Square Bomb

ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN - Taliban leadership now retract a claim of credit for a plot using an SUV packed with explosive materials to kill Americans in Times Square, New York City. The "correction" to the initial Taliban press release came several hours after pictures of bombing suspect Faisal Shahzad became public. A translation of the Internet video released by the Taliban follows (edited for b...
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Funny story: Brown rewrites Monopoly rules

Brown rewrites Monopoly rules

In a daring bid to change outdated regulations in the financial sector, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has rewritten the rules of Monopoly. Mr Brown's new version of the once-popular board game has dramatically reduced the formerly complex rules to...
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Funny story: Labour 'dirty' tricks exposed

Labour 'dirty' tricks exposed

A devastating e-mail has been leaked from Labour Party HQ, which shows the party demanding that their female MP's do "whatever it takes" to ensure re-election. The suggestion that this policy existed was first raised earlier this week. In June...
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Funny story: Brenda Song Records "He Kissed My Cinco De Mayo" As A Tribute To George Lopez

Brenda Song Records "He Kissed My Cinco De Mayo" As A Tribute To George Lopez

LOS ANGELES - Brenda Song, one of the most popular young stars on the Disney Channel has just recorded a song that she dedicated to comedian George Lopez. The song is titled, "He Kissed My Cinco De Mayo" and tells the sad story of a little girl na...
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Funny story: A New Kind of Study Abroad Program

A New Kind of Study Abroad Program

In recent news, Sam Smith, a junior and hipster at Doody University, will be joining the military and fighting in Iraq in order to get the emotional experience for the poetry collection he is working on. When asked if he is proud to be serving his...
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Funny story: The Day After C&W Singer Chely Wright Reveals She's a Lesbian Dolly Parton Proclaims: "Not Me, No Way José, I Like Peckers!"

The Day After C&W Singer Chely Wright Reveals She's a Lesbian Dolly Parton Proclaims: "Not Me, No Way José, I Like Peckers!"

NASHVILLE - The day after country music songstress Chely Wright announced that she is a lesbian, one of country music's icon's Dolly Parton has stated that she is not a lesbian and that she is partial to as she put it 'peckers.' Parton, who is 64,...
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Funny story: Dancing With The Stars: Pammy's Mammies Are Sent Bouncing Back Home

Dancing With The Stars: Pammy's Mammies Are Sent Bouncing Back Home

HOLLYWOOD - The producers of Dancing With The Stars did not want to see it, but sadly Pamela Anderson is the latest casualty of the dancing reality show. Pamela Anderson, showed that at the age of 42, she is still a woman that can cause guys from...
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Funny story: Phoenix Hoping to Become New Mecca for Metrosexuals

Phoenix Hoping to Become New Mecca for Metrosexuals

New York, NY - Now that Phoenix is ridding itself of its "melting pot of the Southwest" image, its Chamber of Commerce is doing everything it can to attract metrosexuals to their fair city-if you have to ask, you're not welcome. "We are now looking t...
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Funny story: Junior Campers Claim Responsibility for Oil Spill; Limbaugh Says "I Told You So"

Junior Campers Claim Responsibility for Oil Spill; Limbaugh Says "I Told You So"

On his April 29 broadcast, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh hinted that environmentalists were behind the BP oil well explosion in the Gulf of Mexico. Many of Limbaugh's liberal foes have been mocking his comment, but today, four members of the...
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Funny story: Obama Vows To Link Times Square Bomber With Radical Right

Obama Vows To Link Times Square Bomber With Radical Right

Disappointed that once again a Muslim terrorist was responsible for trying to incinerate New York City, President Obama ordered Attorney General, Eric Holder, to do everything possible to link Time Square bomber Faisal Shahzad to Tea Party far right...
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Funny story: Fart Crop Dusting Awareness Day Held On Cinco De Mayo

Fart Crop Dusting Awareness Day Held On Cinco De Mayo

We've all been in a crowded pack of people and suddenly fallen victim to a mystery fart crop duster. One minute you're talking to your friend and the next, you're gasping for air and playing detective. Was it the fat guy in front of you or the suspicious senior citizen on your right? Kip Givens, Fart Crop Dusting Spokesperson hopes to discourage this type of behavior by creating awareness about...
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Funny story: NBA's Biggest Cry Babies Revealed

NBA's Biggest Cry Babies Revealed

Before Carlos Boozer leaves the locker room, he walks in front of the mirror and says, "I am a special, kind, talented person and mean words can't hurt me anymore. I am a somebody." This has been a ritual for Boozer over the past three seasons as...
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