Funny story: Obama: Weatherization Program Putting People to Work! Man Robs Store Using Caulking Gun!

Obama: Weatherization Program Putting People to Work! Man Robs Store Using Caulking Gun!

In another hilarious effort to spin the news and his failed social programs, President Obama announced that his efforts to put people to work and make homes more energy efficient is working, while the cops and the public know otherwise. A perfect...
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Funny story: Humor Writer ALSO forced to drink and do drugs by Jeremy London's kidnappers

Humor Writer ALSO forced to drink and do drugs by Jeremy London's kidnappers

A humor writer has dodged a bullet -literally and figuratively- by avoiding a Grand Jury indictment stemming from his alleged kidnapping by Jeremy London's accosters. "Their demands were insane. I had to do an eight-ball a day, or else they would...
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Funny story: Obama Creates New Patient's Bill Of Rights

Obama Creates New Patient's Bill Of Rights

The Barack Obama Administration has created a new "Patient's Bill Of Rights" to go with their new health care system. Their bill of rights describes how patients deserve to be treated by health care workers and professionals and by their insurance p...
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Funny story: The Queen blows her Vuvuzela during Andy Murray match at Wimbledon

The Queen blows her Vuvuzela during Andy Murray match at Wimbledon

The Queen took revenge today on snot-nosed, misery Andy Murray by blowing on a Vuvuzela everytime he served a ball on the Centre Court at Wimbledon. The number four seed won his match in straight sets against Czech Jan Hazek but clearly looked vex...
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Funny story: Jerry Seinfeld to Lady Gaga: "Get off of my lawn, ya whipper-snapper!""

Jerry Seinfeld to Lady Gaga: "Get off of my lawn, ya whipper-snapper!""

July 5, 1989: President Reagan was retired to California, Bush 41 hadn't yet unleashed his son, the Antichrist, on us. Mel Blanc, Laurence Olivier and Ferdinand Marcos were still among the living -barely- and "Seinfeld", a show starring hip, young co...
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Funny story: Google Voice Popular with Undercover Cops

Google Voice Popular with Undercover Cops

What better way to transcribe a conversation with a drug dealer, than to hook up your police duty cell phones to the new Google Voice service. Many undercover cops looking for ways to compile more evidence against the bad guys, are doing exactly tha...
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Funny story: Gen. McChrystal Relieves On President Obama

Gen. McChrystal Relieves On President Obama

In the Rolling Stones story on General Stanley McChrystal, it seems evident that these two men don't see eye to eye on how to wage the war against the nasties. With nothing going right in Afghanistan except the abundant poppy harvest, McChrystal voi...
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Funny story: Jesus Puts Kibosh On Church Sign Punnery

Jesus Puts Kibosh On Church Sign Punnery

Jesus sent word through a spokesbeing today that it was time to put an end to "those silly one-liners" on roadside church signs that have continued to proliferate throughout the United States like a plague over the past three decades. Though noth...
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Funny story: Fury at the rise announced in VAT rate in budget

Fury at the rise announced in VAT rate in budget

There were scenes of upset, outrage and even violence today in response to the 2½% rise in the VAT rate announced by the Chancellor in his budget. While the Society for the Deaf thought the budget was something that eats bird seed and lives in a c...
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Funny story: Still Waiting: The Countdown Continues.

Still Waiting: The Countdown Continues.

With Seventeen Days To Go, the countdown continues for local man, Seaton Carew. Still waiting for the inevitable, Carew, 41, may have to wait a little less time if his pleas do not fall on waiting deaf ears. Guilty of a plea change, his plea to wait less could result in a different outcome, but he will have to wait to see whether the outcome will change. Wait. Wait for the contact fro...
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Funny story: Perez Hilton Photographs Helen Mirren's Muff, Goes Blind

Perez Hilton Photographs Helen Mirren's Muff, Goes Blind

Riding the fickle wave of notoriety after photographing Miley Cyrus' unlady-like exit from a car last week, famous fop Perez Hilton suffered a serious professional set-back after he was stricken blind by Helen Mirren's Medusa-like muff. According to...
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Funny story: Charges, Dresses Dropped In World Cup Mini Skirt Case

Charges, Dresses Dropped In World Cup Mini Skirt Case

Charges were dropped Tuesday against two Paris women arrested at a World Cup match for wearing short mini orange dresses made by a brewery that FIFA says was "ambush marketing". In case someone doesn't recognize the term, "ambush marketing" is adv...
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Funny story: Miley Cyrus Paid Perez Hilton to Post Indecent Photo

Miley Cyrus Paid Perez Hilton to Post Indecent Photo

Lost Angeles, CA - The smoke has finally cleared surrounding the "no panties" picture of Miley Cyrus that had the internet buzzing for a solid week. Perez Hilton was attacked from all sides, even by Miley Cyrus, who called him an idiot on the Ryan Se...
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Funny story: Very Active Sun Flares May Make You Stay Inside: Scientists

Very Active Sun Flares May Make You Stay Inside: Scientists

Scientists are pretty well in agreement that the solar flares coming within a few more months could be at an all-time high. "It could force people to stay indoors for days at a time" stated Dr. Mahmoud Grace of NASA. "If you go out, you could bur...
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Funny story: London Underworld Celebrate Budget!

London Underworld Celebrate Budget!

HATCHET HARRY, of the South London Firm Said, "Wat a fukin result! This means the posh gits gets more lolly, so we can rob them of more money! It's a win win situation! LEGS DIAMOND, from the West End, mused; "Nice, very nice, he's given us a nice...
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Funny story: SuBo fanatics not happy with budget!

SuBo fanatics not happy with budget!

Susan Boyle fanatics were deeply unhappy with today's UK emergency budget, after the chancellor announced a 300% tax on red scarves. The new FAT (Fanatic's Added Tax) is expected to raise several billion Pounds, mostly from wealthy American fanatics.
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Funny story: Michael Jackson is "better off" dead than alive!

Michael Jackson is "better off" dead than alive!

Since his death Wacko Jacko's estate has been churning in the millions and it has now estimated that its topped the $1 billion mark. Now if Jacko had still been alive his estate would be worth much less, because Whacko loved blowing his millions a...
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Funny story: Osborne Bites Head Off Budget

Osborne Bites Head Off Budget

Heavy metal fiend George Osborne has been accused of a vicious attack today which has left people shocked and frightened. It culminated with him tearing into his pet budget with bared teeth. Osborn is no stranger to controversy. After growing up...
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Funny story: More money than sense as buyer pays over NZ$8 000 for A FEATHER

More money than sense as buyer pays over NZ$8 000 for A FEATHER

Well I thought I had heard it all but I read today of a FEATHER being sold for NZ$8 000. OK, so it's from an extinct bird. Woopee! One puff of wind and it could be gone forever like its former owner. Where do the 'buyers' come up with the idea that it is, in fact, worth $8 000? How can it be proven that it's not just a very large eagle feather? Remember the Shroud of Turin Hoax? Well,...
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Funny story: Budget Goes Down A Storm!

Budget Goes Down A Storm!

Little Lord Fontelroy said he was; "Vewee vewee happy wif daddies budget, it means mummy and I can continue to be stuck up rich bastards" In another statement, Ms Sloane said; "This budget has made us rich Chelsea socialites very happy, it means t...
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Funny story: Pope confesses all

Pope confesses all

The Pontif made it quite clear today, that he will not step down after confessing to getting three Nuns pregnant. In a defiant mood, he stated: "I'ma not, ina da mood tu spek ebowt theesa problemo. Dees stupido woman, tella mea dey isa ona da p...
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Funny story: Police to send out 'decoy teachers' in an effort to cut down harassment of educators

Police to send out 'decoy teachers' in an effort to cut down harassment of educators

Police in England heard about the Dutch police sending out decoy 'Jews', decoy 'gays' and decoy 'prostitutes' in an effort to catch their 'persecutors' in the act. Now, English police agencies are sending out decoy 'teachers' as they receive regul...
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Funny story: Monkeys Replace Humans as Referees for World Cup 2010

Monkeys Replace Humans as Referees for World Cup 2010

After many complaints about the poor calls being made by the referees hired to service the World Cup 2010 soccer matches, FIFA officials have decided to hire trained monkeys to referee the remaining games. Said one official "there is no doubt in o...
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Funny story: Alex Rodriguez Dating Lady Gaga!

Alex Rodriguez Dating Lady Gaga!

Everyone was surprised the other night when Lady Gaga showed up at the New York Yankees shower room, except Alex Rodriguez. Why? Because, according to the Lady herself, she had been invited there to see Alex Rodriguez, the Yankee slugger. "A...
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Funny story: England World Cup squad to be deported from South Africa for visa irregularities

England World Cup squad to be deported from South Africa for visa irregularities

Immigration authorities say they fraudulently represented themselves as "professional footballers" when filling in application forms. Rumours of a mutiny have been swirling in the England camp ever since John Terry rebuked captain Capello for spea...
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Funny story: Astrology shocker for Queen's flagging ticker

Astrology shocker for Queen's flagging ticker

Lonson - (Harakiri Mess): A fragile post-Budget mental state and Wednesday's ominous aspects between the Sun and Jupiter - planet of monarchy and immense oil/gas reserves - may see Queen Elizabeth finally consigned to landfill. Astrologers say an...
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Funny story: Freelance Mechanic Sets World Record for Befriending Couple, Taking off with Wife

Freelance Mechanic Sets World Record for Befriending Couple, Taking off with Wife

Obliterating the old world record of 4 days, 17 hours and 16 minutes, blue-eyed freelance mechanic Randy Starnes has befriended a Livingston, Texas couple and taken off with the wife in almost half that time. In a rapid-fire chain of events, Star...
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Funny story: EastEnders planning to nuke the Queen Vic

EastEnders planning to nuke the Queen Vic

EastEnders scriptwriters have revealed the Queen Victoria pub will be destroyed in a nuclear explosion as part of a major storyline later this year. The scenes will allow them to move to a completely new set to coincide with a move to high defini...
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Funny story: Top Commander in Afghanistan Replaced by Sergeant

Top Commander in Afghanistan Replaced by Sergeant

General Stanley A. McChrystal, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, was forced to step down from his post today. His replacement, Master Sergeant Goober Heap, will assume his duties immediately. McChrystal's position became untenable after he gave...
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Funny story: Tiger Woods Calls It Quits!

Tiger Woods Calls It Quits!

Just a year ago and this would have been the last thing you would have expected from the world's greatest golfer of today, but yesterday, Tiger Woods stated that he was withdrawing from his national sport, chasing women. "I can't concentrate long...
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Funny story: New Police Vehicles to be tested in Nottingham

New Police Vehicles to be tested in Nottingham

Reporter Inchcock Chambers interviews the Chief Constable of Nottingham, Knitty Poo, who said "The cost of the vehicles will save a lot of money that can be used in other fields of out activities. We already have a crucially short supply of monopoly...
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Funny story: General Strike in France, to prevent Vichy France Football Team returning home!

General Strike in France, to prevent Vichy France Football Team returning home!

Chumps Elysee, Paris: In events that bear all the hallmarks of another Revolution in France to start the next Republic, the strike of the French National Football team has placed President Sarkastikozy before the guillotine. Air traffic controlle...
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Funny story: The French World Cup Team Waves The White Flag

The French World Cup Team Waves The White Flag

POLOKWANE, South Africa - A spokesperson for The French Football Federation is investigating allegations that one of the members of the French National Team violated established French soccer rules. The FFF is alleging that Nicolas Anelka willingl...
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Funny story: CD by Kim Jong Il and the Vuvuzelas Topping World Charts

CD by Kim Jong Il and the Vuvuzelas Topping World Charts

Wal-Mart stores all over the world are selling out of the #1 chart topping CD "First the World Cup, Now the World" by Kim Jong Il and the Vuvuzelas. The CD is rife with the hauntingly familiar sound of the vuvuzela horn in the background as Kim Jong...
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Funny story: BP Hires Circus Clowns to Replace Tony Hayward

BP Hires Circus Clowns to Replace Tony Hayward

New Orleans, LA - BP has hired a dozen clowns to replace Tony Hayward as BP's official company spokespersons. Said the Chairman of BP in announcing this change, "We figure at least with clowns, they won't be held to any higher a standard of scrut...
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Funny story: Gail Posner Will Addendum Found - Reality Show

Gail Posner Will Addendum Found - Reality Show

The Gail Posner case has crashed into reality - Reality TV that is. Her estate's lawyer discovered that the millionaire heiress had added an unusual clause to her will, providing that her dogs would be taken care of by the winner of a reality TV show...
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Funny story: Nero's Fiddle To Hayward: "Hail Britannia"

Nero's Fiddle To Hayward: "Hail Britannia"

As Tony Hayward vacationed off the Isle of Wight over the weekend, reports from the area state that a helicopter appeared over his yacht and dropped a package. When crewmembers opened it, they found a fiddle and a note from the Nero Society of Ro...
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Funny story: Government employment scheme: Named - Snappy-Daze gets approved

Government employment scheme: Named - Snappy-Daze gets approved

The British Government employment team have come up with a bold new direction: to use drug abuse, unemployment to have them working together. A new department will be formed to train the new recruits called "Auntie GOV". Government survey: Name - Weed Speed Government employment scheme: Name - Snappy-Daze... Drugs used, were Speed and Weed. Unemployed used, were Tokers and Speeder...
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Funny story: Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, Subo fans, discuss Euthanasia with Lady Godiva

Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, Subo fans, discuss Euthanasia with Lady Godiva

I, Lady G., recently met with two of my favourite 'new' Subo fans, Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, N.E. England, (formerly Cleveland, before that, Teesside and before that YORKSHIRE - go figure!) I am always delighted to interview this unusual 'pair'. This time I was interested in their views on 'euthanasia' as I had just finished reading an article on the s...
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Funny story: A must read if you want to live a long, healthy life

A must read if you want to live a long, healthy life

Scientists and Medical Researchers around the world are putting their heads together and exchanging more than head lice. Studies are constantly being carried out to help us all live longer, happier and more productive lives. Here are some recent findings published in a UK National Newspaper. * Four cups of coffee a day 'reduces risk of oral cancer' BUT * Drinking more than four cups o...
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Funny story: Fans Want Jon and Kate Gosselin to Replace Simon Cowell on Idol

Fans Want Jon and Kate Gosselin to Replace Simon Cowell on Idol

American Idol asked the fans who they thought should replace Simon Cowell and they responded loud and clear, "We want Jon and Kate Gosselin to be the next big thing on American Idol." Most everyone agrees that it has never really been about the co...
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Funny story: Abasement brothel busted in Chinese Paris Hilton

Abasement brothel busted in Chinese Paris Hilton

Chongqing - (Reuterus): A police dawn raid has shut down the notorious Purple Pussyfat brothel in Chongqing's Paris Hilton Hotel. Over 100 clients and sex workers were arrested including the city's award winning transvestite hookers catering to th...
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Funny story: James Corden for Glastonbury? Depends on Wednesday's Result.

James Corden for Glastonbury? Depends on Wednesday's Result.

Following the success of the unofficial World Cup song 'Shout for England', James Corden was all set to turn up as a surprise guest on Dizzee Rascal's Friday night Glastonbury set. But the appearance is under threat because of the possibility that E...
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Funny story: Official report of the match of the glorious DPRK against the black-hearted philistines of the reactionary running dogs of Portugal

Official report of the match of the glorious DPRK against the black-hearted philistines of the reactionary running dogs of Portugal

People's Korea - Pyongyang - Official report of the match of the glorious DPRK against the black-hearted philistines of the reactionary running dogs of Portugal. Filled with tears of boundless gratitude to the respected and beloved Supreme Command...
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Funny story: David James Gold Digger Taunts

David James Gold Digger Taunts

Reports confirmed today from inside the England camp that first choice goalkeeper David James has taken to dressing as blind motown legend Ray Charles to try and boost morale in their world class attack . James was overheard in this mornings worl...
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Funny story: Rooney: 'No French Revolution Here!'

Rooney: 'No French Revolution Here!'

As exclusively predicted in these columns hours ago, England manager, Mafia Boss Fabio Capello has hit back at England ex-captain and sex symbol John Terry. Terry, exhibiting the anticipated black eye, declared he was sorry for speaking out again...
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Funny story: Justin Bieber, Vanessa Hudgens, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Sir Paul McCartney To Star In "Damn Volcanic Ashes - The Eyjafjallajokull Story"

Justin Bieber, Vanessa Hudgens, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Sir Paul McCartney To Star In "Damn Volcanic Ashes - The Eyjafjallajokull Story"

HOLLYWOOD - Cripple Creek Pictures in association with The Candlelight Motion Picture Company has just informed the entertainment media that they will soon begin production on the film Damn Volcanic Ashes - The Eyjafjallajokull Story. The motion p...
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Funny story: Ryan Seacrest Says American Idol Is Dropping Its Age Eligibility To Six

Ryan Seacrest Says American Idol Is Dropping Its Age Eligibility To Six

HOLLYWOOD - American Idol Producer Simon Shindlebocker, has just announced that for the upcoming AI season number 10, the age eligibility has been lowered from 16 down to 6. When asked if the fact that AI viewership has dropped off considerably du...
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Funny story: "The Mature Eye Candy Bitches of Bakersfield" Sit-Com Will Star Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear, and Jessica Simpson

"The Mature Eye Candy Bitches of Bakersfield" Sit-Com Will Star Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear, and Jessica Simpson

BAKERSFIELD, California - Hide and Seek Productions in association with Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Productions has announced a new situation comedy which will have its premier in early August. The show will star Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear, an...
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Funny story: Vuvuzela Stuck In Man's Arse Man May Never Walk Again

Vuvuzela Stuck In Man's Arse Man May Never Walk Again

The man who last week was taken to a Johannesburg hospital with a vuvuzela sticking out of his arse, has been said by doctors to be 'out of danger', but may never walk again, it's been reported. The South African man had the instrument shoved up h...
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Funny story: Vuvuzelas Deployed to Afghanistan

Vuvuzelas Deployed to Afghanistan

In a daring move to help his beleaguered troops out of their dire predicament in Afghanistan, Supreme Allied Commander Barack Obama decreed that NATO troops be equipped with the infamous Vuvuzela in place of the standard assault rifle. Whit...
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Funny story: James, running for governor, charged for racist comments

James, running for governor, charged for racist comments

Alabama - Tim James, a man who running for Alabama's governor position charged Sunday for racist comments during his campaign aid commercial. Tim James quoted during his commercial: This is Alabama, we speak English, if you want to live here, lear...
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Funny story: Top U.S. General Apologizes for Article, then Wipes Ass with It

Top U.S. General Apologizes for Article, then Wipes Ass with It

General Stanley McChrystal, the Top U.S. War Commander in Afghanistan apologized for his role in a, "Rolling Stone" article in which he is quoted as being highly critical of the Obama Administration. From a desolate firebase on the Pakistan b...
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Funny story: North Korea Declares Victory in 2010 World Cup

North Korea Declares Victory in 2010 World Cup

The greatest Man, Lover, Warrior, and Football player of all time, Kim Jung Ill, has declared, "Ultimate Victory," in North Korea's bid to win the 2010 World Cup, despite the fact that ESPN is reporting that North Korea was eliminated by Portugal 7-0...
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Funny story: Multiculturalism A Proven Reality

Multiculturalism A Proven Reality

Let's take a look at a morning in the life of one unemployed 62 year old gentleman. (Name witheld because we do not want T G Chambers to be identified) 0500hrs: He wakes to the sound of the alarm on his Japanese made alarm clock, he rises and goes to his WC, shaves using his German made razor, washes and dries himself on his made in Italy, Irish linen towel, in his Korean made slippers, and the...
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Funny story: Lindsay Lohan Says Miley Cyrus Should Be Ashamed Of Herself For Showing Off Her Vagina In Public

Lindsay Lohan Says Miley Cyrus Should Be Ashamed Of Herself For Showing Off Her Vagina In Public

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Lindsay Lohan took a trip down to Cabo San Lucas, Baja California. She said that she had to get away from all of the fakeness, conceit, and arrogance that is Hollywood. Lohan said that she also wanted to take a break from...
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Funny story: Keanu Reeves Enters Rehab, Again Using Name 'Chris Klein'.

Keanu Reeves Enters Rehab, Again Using Name 'Chris Klein'.

Keanu Reeves, the kinda Asian looking star of 1991's Manitobi Theater Group's production of Hamlet, is voluntarily seeking treatment for alcohol addiction at Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah, following his recent DUI arrest. And, interestingly, he i...
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Funny story: Melody Granadillo: "Hey, I dated Joran van del Sloot. Can I have some money?"

Melody Granadillo: "Hey, I dated Joran van del Sloot. Can I have some money?"

Melody Granadillo, 23, the ex-girlfriend of celebrity chick killer Joran Vanderbeek, has traded her soul for some sheckels, by making a beeline to ABC's borefest "20/20" to cash in on the deaths of two young girls. Grandillo used the first 11 of h...
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Funny story: Vanessa Carlton: I'm Bisexual. World: Who The F-ck Are You?

Vanessa Carlton: I'm Bisexual. World: Who The F-ck Are You?

Add singer Vanessa Carlton to the list of marginal talents who've managed to become a fleeting blip on Google Trends years after their celebrity zenith by revealing to an apathetic populace that she is bisexual. Carlton, exclusively famous for hav...
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Funny story: Simon And Garfunkel Tour Changes

Simon And Garfunkel Tour Changes

There was good news, last night, for fans of 1970s superduo, Simon and Garfunkel, when it was announced that their grand tour of the US is back on schedule again, albeit with some minor changes. The first is that neither of the duo will actually b...
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Funny story: Susan Boyle to be contestant on "Dancing With The Stars"

Susan Boyle to be contestant on "Dancing With The Stars"

Susan Boyle has, we heard recently from a very reliable source, expressed her desire to be on the reality show, 'Dancing With The Stars'. When interviewed recently she is reported to have commented, "Och aye. Tis troo. A want te be on Dancin'...
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Funny story: Elin Woods Goes To College To Study Abnormal Behavior!

Elin Woods Goes To College To Study Abnormal Behavior!

Elin Woods, estranged wife of Tiger Woods, has gone back to college to take classes in Psychology. Whether that means she's going to find even more ways to ask for more money from Tiger or to learn to live with him again, no one knows. A source ha...
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Funny story: Van Der Sloot Is Mentally Ill, Says Mother!

Van Der Sloot Is Mentally Ill, Says Mother!

The mother of Joran van der Sloot claims her son is mad as a hatter according to his mother's friend and apparent spokesperson, Pasel de la Schlep. "Joran was always talking in a silly little wheezy voice and eating flies while he was growing up",...
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Funny story: Pattinson, Kristen & Lautner Man Do "Bree Tanner" But Only At End Of The Movie

Pattinson, Kristen & Lautner Man Do "Bree Tanner" But Only At End Of The Movie

Taylor Lautner told reporters today that "Sure, I think all three of us would do our parts near the end of "Bree Tanner" as it would take very little time for us to do it. But it won't be about us so much as the lead roles." Kristen Stewart also s...
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