Funny story: Still no sign of Paul the Octopus. Fears that mystical mollusk may have ended up a much-marinated mouthful on many metropolitan menus surface with Palin's tweet of "Tea-Party Tentacle Pizza"

Still no sign of Paul the Octopus. Fears that mystical mollusk may have ended up a much-marinated mouthful on many metropolitan menus surface with Palin's tweet of "Tea-Party Tentacle Pizza"

Oh where oh where has psychic Paul gone? Oh where oh where can he be? Since his plucky escape two days ago there has been no sign of Paul the Psychic Octopus. Now rumors abound that the mystical mollusk may have ended up as a marinated mouthful on...
View 'Still no sign of Paul the Octopus. Fears that mystical mollusk may have ended up a much-marinated mouthful on many metropolitan menus surface with Palin's tweet of "Tea-Party Tentacle Pizza"'
Funny story: US Veterans' Hospitals and Clinics Expand Snack Offerings for Medical Marijuana Patients

US Veterans' Hospitals and Clinics Expand Snack Offerings for Medical Marijuana Patients

New federal guidelines are now in place stating that the Veterans' Affairs Hospitals and Clinics located in states where medical marijuana is legal will now allow their patients to use marijuana for pain management. Several changes to the hospital...
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Funny story: Horror: Oxfordshire Man Causes "Terrible Shock!"

Horror: Oxfordshire Man Causes "Terrible Shock!"

In a shock decision local Oxfordshire man John Figgis decided to have a saveloy, in lieu of his usual fish supper, late last night. Witness Mandy Simpkins, 29, explained "we were in shock! We were all stood in there queuing when John walked in. He...
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Funny story: Local Man Slams Wife On Saturday Night TV

Local Man Slams Wife On Saturday Night TV

Local man Martin Shuttlecock last night slammed his wife on national TV. Well, not actually on national TV, more regarding the quality - or lack of it - on a UK national network. On a Saturday night. As is the accepted norm in the Shuttlecock hous...
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Funny story: ConDemned coalition need a holiday already, take as long as you like say the British population

ConDemned coalition need a holiday already, take as long as you like say the British population

Call me Dave has had a torrid time in the US. The poor guy must be really exhausted after weeks spent turning the UK upside down and back again. It must have been exhaustion that made him, mistakenly, bring the USA into WW2 a year before they ac...
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Funny story: BBC's Guy Goma To Replace Larry King on CNN's 'Live'.

BBC's Guy Goma To Replace Larry King on CNN's 'Live'.

In a stunning move, CNN has announced that former BBC 24 presenter and Apple Corps. technical guru Guy Goma will replace Larry King on 'Live', when the host is vanquished by the Halliwell sisters in fall, 2010. Gonads, 41, who has a business degre...
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Funny story: Screwing Flying Couple On Plane Wasn't The Worst Thing Says Flyer!

Screwing Flying Couple On Plane Wasn't The Worst Thing Says Flyer!

In an earlier report we told you about John and Esther Mathers, a couple who were attempting to join the "Mile High Club" just as the plane hit tremendous turbulence and had floated around naked before the plane landed at Denver in an emergency. I...
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Funny story: Kristen Stewart: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Kristen Stewart: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

If she's interested, most now believe that Kristen Stewart is perfect to play the lead role in "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". However, thus far, she apparently hasn't showed much interest in doing it. Among those already in the running are...
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Funny story: Larry King On Piers Morgan: 'I Don't Know If I'd Recognize Him. Where am I? Are you my Mommy?"

Larry King On Piers Morgan: 'I Don't Know If I'd Recognize Him. Where am I? Are you my Mommy?"

Former Stonehenge lead architect and current CNN talk-show host Larry King has made it known that he's not very familiar with Piers Morgan, the Brit widely reported to replace King when he retires. Speaking to AARP.web, King, who will be ending hi...
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Funny story: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Turn Down Giant Baby Adoption

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Turn Down Giant Baby Adoption

Apparently the giant baby of Indonesia will stay in Indonesia for a while longer as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie stated that he was too much to handle after paying a visit. The baby boy weighed over 19 pounds at birth and his mother still can't ho...
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Funny story: CNN to Piers Morgan: "Why Worry? Replacements Always Do As Well As The Original on Television!"

CNN to Piers Morgan: "Why Worry? Replacements Always Do As Well As The Original on Television!"

Piers Morgan, one of the judges on the U.K.'s "X-Factor; The Cheryl Cole Experience" is being courted by CNN to replace "Live" host and former Dead Sea Scroll author Larry King. But, sources say, Piers is balking, because he is afraid that a replacem...
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Funny story: Big Society is "Load of Bollocks", says Society

Big Society is "Load of Bollocks", says Society

Society at large has quashed the political myth of a "Big Society" as expounded by the Con-Dem All (Conservative - Lib Dem Alliance). Society, who's very existence had been questioned by a former Tory Prime Minister, made its views known in a seri...
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Funny story: "Mummy!!!"

"Mummy!!!"

A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's. The professor showed this film for many years because it was the best example of mass hysteria. However,...
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Funny story: Paris Hilton Visits Lindsay Lohan & Forgets Which One Is Jailed

Paris Hilton Visits Lindsay Lohan & Forgets Which One Is Jailed

Deputy Harrison Cockrill stated that he had never seen anything like it before. "This facilities has become a zoo. Ever since that Lohan gal got here, there's been so many in and out, SHE could have walked out at any time and I'd never know any di...
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Funny story: Eagles' Lurie on Kolb vs. Vick: "Why Use a Hammer When You Own a Nail-Gun?"

Eagles' Lurie on Kolb vs. Vick: "Why Use a Hammer When You Own a Nail-Gun?"

Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie finally called head coach Andy Reid to task for selecting QB Kevin Kolb to start over ASPCA F--khead Of The Decade Michael Vick, characterizing it as an issue of "Using a hammer when you own a nail-gun." "Wi...
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Funny story: Brokeback Mountain: The Return?

Brokeback Mountain: The Return?

It has been announced that Top Tory David Davis may find his job on the line after shooting his mouth off in a local pub! Seemingly it all started a few weeks ago when Dave was walking his faithful Rottweiler, Butch, on Hampstead Heath. Finding hi...
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Funny story: Katie Price comes clean

Katie Price comes clean

Under mounting pressure celeb author Katie Price, has admitted that it is really she who writes the books published in her name. Since the 1st novel "ANGEL" was published, Katie has insisted it has been Rebecca Farnworth who has ghostwritten al...
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Funny story: Anapka the parasailing donkey's guide to '25 Things a donkey must do before its 25'

Anapka the parasailing donkey's guide to '25 Things a donkey must do before its 25'

1) Make a child that's sitting on your back cry by braying as loudly as possible. 2) Make a child sitting on your back laugh by taking a dump on the feet of its parent. 3) Befriend a racehorse (preferably famous) and not just in the platonic sense. 4) Look permanently miserable even when you're not. 5) Parasail in Russia 6) Appear in a pornographic film 7) Visit Blackpool 8)...
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Funny story: North Korea vows nuclear response to U.S. - Seoul gay pride parade and planned 'Secret Santa'

North Korea vows nuclear response to U.S. - Seoul gay pride parade and planned 'Secret Santa'

North Korea warned Saturday that it will respond with "powerful nuclear deterrence" to joint U.S. and South Korean military gay pride parade and picnic recently announced for soldiers stationed throughout South Korea. The online dating service, bathh...
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Funny story: Web Based Grade School Announced by the University of Bedrock

Web Based Grade School Announced by the University of Bedrock

The University of Bedrock has offered web based studies for college students since 1999, and has been successful with thousands of employed graduates. Now the Web based educator is expanding into the heretofore uncharted territory of basic public e...
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Funny story: OMG! Colonel Gaddafi/BP Libya Holdings owns Queen's 'austerity cruise' yacht!!

OMG! Colonel Gaddafi/BP Libya Holdings owns Queen's 'austerity cruise' yacht!!

Western Isles - (Rotters): The 2000+ tonne MV Hellfire Hebridean Prince Ass was chartered by HM the Queen for a bargain basement rate of £20,000 per day - debited from a BP sinking fund. Its fabulous Libyan livery includes Colonel Gaddafi's person...
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Funny story: It is Okay to Kill a Mockingbird

It is Okay to Kill a Mockingbird

Harper Lee wrote one novel, the literary classic TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, and then disappeared into writer's-block-dementia. High school students everywhere, who are required to read the book, are forever grateful there isn't a mockingbird trilogy.
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Invents New Word To Get Attention

Sarah Palin Invents New Word To Get Attention

Sarah Palin is at it again; making people's ears hurt and brains explode as they are exposed to the Alaskan Looney's unedumacated dementia. In her first attempt to mangle the English language, via Twitter she asked 'peaceful Muslims' to 'pls refud...
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Funny story: Man Killed By Fat Arse

Man Killed By Fat Arse

It reads like one of those crappy Tales of the Unexpected telly shows but the frightening sight of a man being murdered in cold blood by an arse happened this very day on the downtown streets of the village of Shallow, Leeds. A local man out walki...
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Funny story: Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons

Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons

Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he's been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he's found it. He's opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among the reasons he's giving for making such a bold business move,...
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Funny story: Muslim Contributors to Lazio and Cuomo Challenged

Muslim Contributors to Lazio and Cuomo Challenged

Carl Paladino accused Rick Lazio and Andrew Cuomo of taking campaign contributions from "Islamofascists" today. He produced a list of "terrorist sympathizers" who have given money to the two candidates. At the top of Paladino's list (alphabetical...
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Funny story: Mobile Phone Tinnitus Link

Mobile Phone Tinnitus Link

A recent survey, the biggest of its kind, has found that using hand held mobile devices to make calls can lead to the agonising symptoms of Tinnitus. The debilitating condition of ringing in the ears has left many people deaf with thousands of oth...
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Funny story: The Loneliness of the Long Distance Loafer

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Loafer

Harry Finkle observes the world from his comfy armchair. He never actually manages to move his backside from it that often, in fact he prises himself from it using block and tackle when the needs descend as it were and he must. The telivision is his gateway to a dark nirvana. News channels are flicked through endlessly, as he stares at the disasters, tragedies and mundanities with the clinic...
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Funny story: Old ...............'s Never Die, they ................!

Old ...............'s Never Die, they ................!

What happens when people of different occupations get old. - Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. - Old actors never die, they just drop apart. - Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. - Old architects never die, they just lose their structures. - Old bankers never die, they just lose interest. - Old footballers never die, they just go on dribbling.
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Funny story: The Job Security Quiz

The Job Security Quiz

Our employment officer has created this guide/quiz to assist employees to evaluate their chances of job security within the company. The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing Baldur's Gate II, on the computer at your desk, Do you... A. Swear to take the game off you...
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Funny story: Template for Job Rejection Reply

Template for Job Rejection Reply

Advice from our reporter Inchcock Chambers, from personal experience of having been rejected himself for the last 204 jobs he's applied for: The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following: Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter], Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consi...
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Funny story: Simon Cowell Says That Mel "The Crazy Aussie" Gibson Is His Personal Choice To Replace Him on American Idol

Simon Cowell Says That Mel "The Crazy Aussie" Gibson Is His Personal Choice To Replace Him on American Idol

LONDON - Simon Cowell speaking from his London home Simple Simon Mansion, has stated that he feels that the perfect choice to replace him on the singing reality show American Idol is none other than Australian born Mel Gibson. Cowell said that in...
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Funny story: Miley Cyrus and Taylor Lautner Doing The 'Do' In Detroit

Miley Cyrus and Taylor Lautner Doing The 'Do' In Detroit

DETROIT - The little girl who wants to be a big girl real bad and her new friend Taylor Lautner were reportedly in Detroit, aka MoTown hanging out and letting it all hang out. Miley who has pole danced, lap danced, and gone knicker-less in the pas...
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Funny story: Fidel Castro, Brother of The Cuban President, Says Cuba Will Exchange Lindsay Lohan For 173 Cuban Held U.S. Prisoners

Fidel Castro, Brother of The Cuban President, Says Cuba Will Exchange Lindsay Lohan For 173 Cuban Held U.S. Prisoners

HAVANA - The ex-president of Cuba, Fidel Castro, has stated that his brother, Raul, the new president of Cuba, has authorized him to negotiate for the exchange of prisoners between the United States and Cuba. Fidel stated that his country, which p...
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Funny story: Mel Gibson Offered Spot on Next Dancing with the Stars

Mel Gibson Offered Spot on Next Dancing with the Stars

Everyone knows that the reality television show Dancing with the Stars isn't about dancing anymore but more about the controversial celebrities the show can get for upcoming seasons. This next season is going to be a lollapalooza, they say. Although...
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Funny story: New Vaginal Gel Prevents Aids, Pregnancy!

New Vaginal Gel Prevents Aids, Pregnancy!

Scientists say they have come up with a vaginal gel that will prevent aids and even pregnancy 100%. "If people will use this gel, it is a big breakthrough", Doctor Alicia Huckaby. "It works in all our tests but it does have a few drawbacks." Fi...
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Funny story: Roman Polanski Has Been Asked To Please Return His 'Kids Choice Award' Which He Received in 1977

Roman Polanski Has Been Asked To Please Return His 'Kids Choice Award' Which He Received in 1977

HOLLYWOOD - The Kids Choice Award Committee has written child molester Roman Polanski, who admits doing what everyone said he did, and asked him to please return The Kids Choice Award he received in 1977. Myron Spawnowitz, spokesperson for the KCA...
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Funny story: Robsten Fight Turns The Tables On Paparazzi!

Robsten Fight Turns The Tables On Paparazzi!

A screaming Kristen Stewart and red-faced Robert Pattinson had a big fight in front of the AMC theater in Los Angeles Century City that brought the press on the run. The pics published within hours show a very upset Pattinson shaking his finger in...
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